Friday, April 27, 2007

Moving Beyond Metrics

No, I don't mean kilometers and kilograms, I mean CPC, ROI, CPM, and other TLAs

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are pleased to announce that we are in the planning stages of a nationwide tour, presenting our latest marketing "seminar" or "course" which is entitled "The Next Wave - Moving Beyond Metrics: a Short Course in What Really Matters in Marketing, and How to Say it Briefly, Clearly, Succinctly, and without Unnecessary Redundancy."
Among the stops currently anticipated are Palo Alto, Dallas, Casper, Atlanta, Cincinnati (P&G, here we come!), Detroit, and Camden. We expect to finalize our deal with probable national sponsor, Red Roof Inn Systems® very soon. Once that deal is "inked" (and before the ink is even dry, if I have anything to say about it - and believe me, I do!) we'll announce the specific venues in each city - including a run-down of which Inns sport the new free "Wi-Fi" service, and which of them have pools (many now do!).
Again, plans are still in the making, but we anticipate providing a complimentary continental breakfast and coffee bar for those of you who need that carbohydrate and caffeine boost in the morning, courtesy (we hope!) of our soon-to-be-approached potential sponsor, Publix® markets.

Of course, we wouldn't want to hold out a mere "teaser" to you on this without giving at least a flavor of what's likely to be included in the planned presentation, thus:

How many of you are struggling with mounting demands from "management" to give better metrics of the ROI of your marketing efforts? (hands down now, thank you) We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC tend to think this is analogous to the "Carpenter Quandary" - to wit: to the man (or woman!) with only a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Similarly, with today's readily available "lower funnel" measurements (sorry for the technical terms!), every marketing problem looks like a sales problem. How, one wonders, can one measure a branding campaign with a direct mail metric? How indeed? One simply cannot - hence this presentation and Magical Marketing Tour: Moving Beyond Metrics: or How I Learned to Stop Measuring Click-Through Rates and Love Gross Impressions.
Magical? You know it, brother (or sister!) - after all, you said you wanted a Revolution!

Readers of this newsletter will certainly get an advance official notice of and invitation to the event, once the details and dates are finalized and "hammered out" to our satisfaction (pun mostly intended).
Be on the lookout for that Candy Apple Red Luxury Executive Motorcoach with the giant magnetic "Jay Standish - Beyond Metrics" sign on the side (courtesy of our friend Harvey Glendinning at Pip Printing!) carrying a veritable "SWAT Team" of marketing mavens from Jay Standish, Inc. LLC. That's right - for the first time, I'll be bringing some of my associates along - perhaps Pat will be available for a trip (at last!), but rest assured, we're coming! and to a town near you!

Last week, Jay wrote about interplanetary trash disposal:
Raoul Floyd responded:
"Jay, your whole idea of making space launches seem "green" by using them to dispose of dangerous waste seems totally ludicrous. That seems as likely as trying to seem green by paying someone who pollutes less to balance out one's own emissions. Buying "carbon credits" from folks who otherwise wouldn't use them to allow for high-energy homes and large vehicles would be totally unethical .... Oh, never mind."

"Never mind" is right, Raoul, right indeed.
-- Jay

Friday, April 20, 2007

Mother Nature Taking Over?
Is your marketing aligned with the seismic shift in consumer attitudes?

Who would have thought Home Depot® would be leading the way? Who indeed? Still, it comes as no surprise that there would be a savvy marketer ready to capitalize on the current greening of the world, does it?
Regular readers of this newsletter know that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not savvy, and with our commitment to various "out-of-doors" activities (including bi-athlon and rock racing!) we are also committed to maintaining an environment around us.
Lest the reader think this is nothing but pre-Earth Day pandering to the masses of environmental lobbyists, crack-pots, and ne'er do wells. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have put our collective money where my mouth is - so to speak! - and are working on making the space flights mentioned in last week's newsletter something more than a marketing boon-doggle. Indeed, Lee (from our R&D group) is hard at work (as are we all!) calculating the relative costs and benefits of carrying toxic and other forms of difficult-to-dispose-of wastes on these space flights - with the proposition being that said waste be dumped, not on the Earth, but rather tossed into decaying orbits around the Moon or (perhaps too ambitiously) the Sun itself.
Imagine, if you will, a next-generation Space Shuttle - in full NASA regalia - bedecked NASCAR-like with logos of sponsoring entities (perhaps your product? your clients' product?) along with a payload, also logo-bedecked, of dangerous waste products, bound for extra-Terrestrial disposal. Who might be interested in such a scheme? How about Waste Management®? How about the InSinkErator® folks? How about just about anyone wishing to make a statement that we know better than to mess up our own house? As they say, animals don't defecate where they habitate (a catchy rendition or that sentiment, don't you think?) - neither should people.
What marketer wants to be known as one who poisons his (or her!) own customers? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe the answer is clear and unambiguous: nobody we know!
Once Lee's work (along with the fabulous Jay Standish, Inc. LLC R&D staff) is done, we will be shopping around the first potential sponsorships of this concept. We're still working on names for this service, and we'd appreciate feed-back from our readers on these possibilities, as well as any suggestions you might care to make. Imagine seeing your own neo-logism boldly pasted on a proud (American!) spacecraft as it quivers with excitement on the launch pad in Florida, waiting for the thrust to send it hurtling into space - perhaps into Trans-Lunar Injection!
At any rate, our first list of rough possibilities await your comments:
  • Star Trash
  • Garbage to the Stars
  • Wasted Space
  • Take Out The Trash - Way Out!
  • Ad Astra Per Trashpera

Last week, Jay wrote about "sponsored" space flights:
Rebecca Darmus responded:
"Jay, I understand how you and your testosterone- fueled friends might find space flight exciting - I've seen the shape of rockets, and I know what that's all about. Still, don't you find it a bit out-of-touch to be suggesting that we pay to put tons of pollutants into the atmosphere? Where's the concern for the environment? Where's the love? ..."

Rebecca, I think we all know where you're coming from, and I (for one!) subtly resent your testosterone remark. None the less, I think you're on to something with your talk of mountain greenery and such. See my comments above!

-- Jay

Friday, April 13, 2007

Marketing's Next Frontier!

Could your product be the next sponsor of the US Space Program? It could!

At least, it could be if Rep. Ken Calvert's proposed legislation is passed. Rep. Calvert is looking to allow sponsorships of NASA activities, much as NPR and PBS sell sponsorships today.
I had Terry in the research department here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC do a quick dive into the background of Mr. Calvert, just to see if this is all on the up and up (so to speak!), and it looks like it's true. Not only is he an actual member of Congress, but he seems - based on Terry's perusal of the "Wikipedia" - to be a former Classic Rock Disk Jockey from Detroit. How this qualifies him to be a congressman who works with NASA isn't yet clear.
At any rate, the main and plain point to be made here is that there is goodwill to be had for any marketer savvy enough to grab this out-of-this-world (literally!) opportunity by the horns and shake hands with Uncle Sam. Think of the range of consumer goods with origins in the space program, and you'll get an idea of what I mean.
Imagine being able to use phrases such as, for example, Velcro® - brought to you by Head and Shoulders® Refreshing Shampoo in commercial communications. The possibilities are nearly endless!
Clearly, some brands and industries are better positioned to take advantage of this kind of tie-in. Dyson® vacuum cleaners - tackling the endless vacuum of space; Orbit® gum - flavors last an extra long time; there are myriad possibilities for those willing to think outside the atmosphere!

This is an opportunity where it may barely be possible to get in on the ground floor - but that's where all this has to start.
The range of options is wide, but certainly not unlimited, so it's imperative that the savvy marketer get to work on this right away - the final countdown may already have begun!
It is our understanding here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC that the famous insurance company, the "Prudential," may be interested, and may even refresh their old slogan (own a piece of the rock) with a new version. Perhaps they plan to give cut-rate life insurance to astronauts and passengers on the Shuttles? Take a piece of the rock with you?

Anything beyond this is mere speculation - something on which we tend to frown, here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC - and fraught with potential imprecision. Thus, we must end this "thought experiment" at this point, and merely be content to have raised the issue with our readers.
Should any of you wish to take advantage of this upcoming opportunity, know that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are standing at the ready.


Last time, Jay wrote about Baby Ruth, Major League Baseball, and product names:
Zachary Sainte-Drôme responded:
"Your column couldn't have been more timely, Jay. My company is currently negotiating to become the official Canadian pharmacy of Major League Baseball, and a name change may well be in the offing. We'll be sure to contact you as the contract signing draws nearer...."

Interesting proposition, Zachary. With the loss of the Expos, this may be a way for MLB to expand Canadian interest in the sport. We look forward to hearing from you!
-- Jay

btw, we've had numerous queries regarding the Josh Groban concert. I suppose after my extensive reporting of the Bears' loss in Miami, it was to be expected. Sadly for my readers, Jennifer and I have decided that what happens in San Jose stays in San Jose.
-- Jay

Made it to the Big Leagues!

Please note: the date of this missive was March 30, 2007

At Long Last, a subterfuge (?!) unreels into a lovely relationship!

This may be a bit out of date, but as the Major League Baseball (MLB) season approaches, I was reminded of an article I had read back in June. It seems (or seemed at the time, at any rate!) that Major League Baseball (MLB) has announced an official candy bar.
The Swiss-based food giant, Nestlé, has worked out a deal for one of its All-American Brands (viz. Baby Ruth®) to at last take its place with the All-American pass-time of Major League Baseball (MLB)! This relationship is all the more amazing in light of the "true story" of the candy bar's origin. Let me share it with you.
Back in the glory days of one George Herman Ruth, Jr (not a single last name in the batch - how odd!), a candy bar was created, and named for the late daughter of former President Grover Cleveland. Sadly, "Baby" Ruth Cleveland had passed away at the age of twelve (12) in 1904. Seventeen (17) years later, in 1921, in order to mark what would have been her 29th birthday, the Curtiss Candy Company issued these luscious, commemorative chocolate logs.
In what would turn out to be a marketing "bonanza" for Curtiss (Note to the reader: I've done some research, and find that "Bonanza" was not yet on television in 1921, so in the interest of full disclosure, I note that this may not be the most appropriate term to use here), that same year the Boston "Red Sox" traded Mr. Ruth to the New York Yankees, and he became quite famous in the athletic circles of his day. So much so, that poor Ruth Cleveland's story was completely crowded out of people's mental associations (much as the Federal Government's borrowings can crowd out the borrowings meant to fund productive ventures).
There is now, among the "conspiracy theory" crowd, some thought that this later, apparently spurious association was, in fact, the intent of the Curtiss Candy Company from the start. (Why anyone in Chicago would name a candy bar after an "athlete" from Boston or New York has yet to be clearly explained to me, despite my partner Pat's, best efforts.) In this "reading" of history, it seems that this Windy City candy maker was disingenuous to an extraordinary degree. Further, it seems that not only did said Chicagoan receive no official benefits from this purported association, but now that a European food conglomerate (Swiss, in fact!) has reaped the All-American benefits of official recognition by Major League Baseball (MLB).
Well, regardless of one's theory of history (I'm a Thucydides man, myself!), the current situation can but make one wonder - what product being marketed today by association with one person, place, or thing will one day benefit from a different, perhaps unintended association with a different person, place, or thing? Could there be a Sanjaya Snack Cake in the offing? Is there room in the game industry for a board game called Simon Says?

"All right, Jay," I hear you say. "What's this leading to?" and you're quite right to ask, and I'm quite happy to answer. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have developed a new line: we are pleased to announce our new naming-consultation practice. For years, there have been companies purporting to help marketers create names for their new products based on the "personality" of the product, or of the company, or even of the intended buyers. For the first time, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are offering marketers the chance to name products in such a way as to ride the coat-tails of unintended associations - yet with relative litigation-related impunity.
Clearly, I can't reveal all in this newsletter, but I have revealed all to my partner, Pat, and with very gratifying results indeed. Don't miss out - if you're groban groping for a name for a new product or service, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC can help - and we're not joshing!


Last week, Jay wrote about sponsored mortgage rates:
John Werner responded:
"That's bloody brilliant, Jay. We here at (company name withheld) have been looking for a way to make ourselves valuable - nay, invaluable! - to potential customers, and you've hit us right on the head! Now all we need to do is ..."

Well, John, it's nice to see that there's someone out there who gets it - really gets it! I can't imagine a more valuable partner than one who helps with the house payments (right Pat!), and neither will your newly-dependent customers. We look forward to working with you on this.

-- Jay

Mortgage Meltdown?

Abundant Crises are but Opportunities in Disguise!

As most readers of this newsletter are no doubt likely already aware, there seems to be trouble in the mortgage industry. More specifically, there seems to be trouble in the sub-prime mortgage industry.
The way we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC see it, this appears to be a classic case of losing a little on each sale, but trying to make it up in volume. While that may or may not work in the floor-covering industry, it seems to have run its course in the financial sector.
With mortgage foreclosures out-pacing mortgage closings, it might not be long before every home in America (!) is owned by a bank, but with no one to whom they can sell them - hardly an optimal outcome, at least in our view.
Accordingly, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have done some research, put pen to paper (or rather, keyboard to screen!), and come up with some opportunities which we, rather humbly, believe may be the way forward in the economic malaise engendered by high energy prices and low mortgage rates.
First - amazing though it may seem - it appears that folks who buy homes tend also to buy new cars and trucks soon after. The theory we are currently using is that they've saved up for a down-payment on the house for so long that the old jalopy is just that - an old jalopy!
Secondly, and in a similar vein, these folks seem also to buy major home appliances at an increased rate. One supposes that cooking on someone else's stove may seem somewhat unhygienic. That theory was hatched by my partner, Pat, based upon a move into a house some years ago which seemed to have been occupied by serial deep-fryers, but I digress.
Thirdly, and finally (at least for this newsletter - more research is available upon request!), they seem also to be above-average buyers of new insurance policies. This (perhaps!) ought not to be terribly surprising, but still well worth noting - well worth it indeed.

"Jay," I hear you cry, "tell us how this all results in an opportunity, rather than in cause for macro-economic doom-and-gloomery!" And so I shall.

Imagine the plight of the typical new homeowner: he's (or she's!) in over his (or her!) head, financially speaking. What with a mortgage payment, a car payment, new appliances, and increased insurance, it would be amazing were he (or she!) not. Here's where opportunity raises its marketing head, as it were.
Keeping in mind that fiscal plight, what response might a savvy marketer at, say, Kenmore® expect if he (or she!) offered said homeowner a subsidy on the interest rate of his (or her!) mortgage? Exactly - he (or she!) would wonder about the attached strings, and rightly so.
In exchange for a half-point subsidy in the mortgage interest rate (this is for discussion purposes only, the actual level of subsidy will be determined at a future date), the homeowner agrees to purchase a certain number of Kenmore® appliances, and to accept certain marketing communications - right on the monthly mortgage statement!
Who makes out in this? Why, Everyone Involved! The homeowner is saving his (or her!) hard earned money each month, in exchange for making purchases which he (or she!) was likely to make anyway. Kenmore® has an immediate sale, and a channel of communication which should lead to a long-term loyal customer, and the mortgage company has avoided having to foreclose on another potentially unsaleable piece of real estate.
Of course, you may rest assured that similar scenarios can be (and have been!) imagined for insurance and automotive marketers.

Interested? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC certainly expect that you are - otherwise you're simply not the savvy, forward-thinking marketing professionals that we've come to believe you to be. Let us know how we can assist you in this new venture.


Last week, Jay wrote about the results of his Josh Groban drawing:
Scott Barshay responded:
"My IT folks have told me that this was a total fluke. They claim that the Y2K7 problem shouldn't have affected my chances of winning. I guess I believe that it's not their fault, but I'm still going to drown my sorrows in a bottomless stack of onion rings ..."

Scott, Scott, Scott, don't take it out on your IT folks, and more importantly, don't take it out on your soon-to-be- cholesterol-clogged arteries! Have a Pepsi or a LiptonIce and chill, my man!

-- Jay

The Replies are In!

Please note - the date of this missive was March 16, 2007

A near tie, but Internet date-stamps and email logs reveal all!
Well, once again we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC had a very close contest to judge - and why not, what with the opportunity to experience a Josh Groban live performance, and all?!
As you may have guessed from the headline and sub-head above (I hope you don't mind those technical terms!), this was even closer than the SuperBowl Big Football Game drawing. In fact, the first (and only!?!) entries arrived in my "in box" essentially simultaneously, and it was only with the help of Kim, from the IT staff here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC, that we were able to determine our winner. Yes, we had to examine the email "header" portion of the electronic missives to determine which had actually arrived first.
One of the more gratifying things about this state of affairs is that these replies came in less than sixty (60) hours after our call to action!! That's nearly as quickly as the above-mentioned "football" drawing.
At any rate, you will no doubt recall that the call went out to three lucky marketing professionals, asking them simply to be the first to reply, and informing them that that first reply would gain its sender a ticket to see the dreamy Josh Groban, live in performance at the HP Pavilion on March 28th, accompanied by me, as my partner, Pat, is unable to attend. You will further recall that the lucky contestants were:
  • Scott Barshay, Red Robin, Denver
  • Roland Mendoza, BBDO, Los Angeles
  • Jennifer Fabiano - Fabiano Communications, Scottsdale
Perhaps you will agree that the suspense ought to be ended, that I should simply tell you who won the tickets. I agree. Thus:
With an arrival time in my email "in box" of 12:03:13PM EST, Jennifer Fabiano of Scottsdale is the second place finisher. Arriving in my inbox at 1:03:12PM EDT was the winning entry from the one who now knows the way to San Jose, Scott Barshay of Denver.
You may be looking at those times and thinking, "Jay, you're off your nut," and you might even be right. However, a closer examination will provide the needed clarity. What with Congress (in its wisdom!) moving the start of Daylight Savings Time to mid-March this year, and the inability of certain IT departments and certain ISPs to handle said shift, Jennifer's email was still marked with Standard time, while Scott's was correctly punched with Daylight time. Thus, rather than being an hour behind, Scott was actually a second ahead of Jennifer. A lesson to us all, I think.
As with our last drawing, there was one "entrant" from whom we never heard - in this case it was Roland Mendoza of LA. Perhaps next time, Roland, perhaps next time.
Still, Scott and I can now look forward to a wonderful evening of song and some tasty "snackage" to boot - yum!


Last week, Jay wrote about another drawing for very sought-after tickets:
Jennifer Fabiano responded:
"Dreamy is just the half of it, Jay, that Josh Groban is a musical god..."

See Jay's comments above.

History Nearly Repeats Itself

Please note: the date of this missive was March 9, 2007

Another "Available" Ticket Creates Need for another Rolodex Ride

Do you know the way to San Jose? Whoa! If you do, and you're the first of the lucky three marketing professionals pulled at random (see below) from my Rolodex® to reply, you will be on your way to the HP Pavilion at San Jose as my guest at the concert of the century.
That's correct, my partner, Pat, is once again unable to attend a spectacular event with me - meaning Pat's ticket is available, this time a ticket to hear the dreamy Josh Groban live in concert!
As with our previous draw for the ticket to the Really Big Professional Football Game last month, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC pulled three names at random (see below) from my Rolodex®, and the first one to reply (via email only, please - no faxes, no phone calls, no post cards) will join me at this "once-in-a-lifetime" performance (apologies to David Byrne!).
Again, upon confirmation of his (or her!) "vital statistics" and other information, the lucky winner will receive his (or her!) ticket and pre-paid parking voucher by DHL International Courier Service, along with instructions as to where he (or she!) will meet me at the HP Pavilion at San Jose. The concert takes place on Wednesday, March 28th at 8PM, and the winner should expect to be treated to some very tasty "snackage" as well as the concert.
Well, that's likely more than enough "explanation" and "background information" for the time being. It's time to reveal the lucky three "contestants" who may join me for what should truly be a night to remember. The three (in no particular order) are:
  • Scott Barshay, Red Robin, Denver
  • Roland Mendoza, BBDO, Los Angeles
  • Jennifer Fabiano - Fabiano Communications, Scottsdale
And the clock starts ... now!


* - This random selection was done by dropping my Rolodex® on the floor from a height of approximately five feet and picking up the three cards which were closest to my feet when the "dust" settled. Just thought you'd like to know how we did it. - Jay

Last week, Jay wrote about coffee machines and moisturizers:
J. Higginbotham responded:
"If you had read what I've read, and heard what I've heard, you'd never recommend that anyone drink coffee nor use moisturizers..."

J. (nice initial, by the way!) -
Having read much of the rest of your email, I have a feeling that you think toothpaste causes crime, and that carbonated beverages cause insanity. It's hard to take your arguments seriously, but I admire your passion - fight the power, brother!

-- Jay

Coffee and Collagen

Please note, the date of this missive was February 28, 2007

In a world of dry skin, how can a "Cup of Joe" help your target demographic?

I was speaking with a close associate the other day about our vending machines with patented CoollMisstTM technology, and he commented that no one in the Northeast or Midwest would want a cooling mist at this time of year. After careful thought, I decided he is most likely correct in this observation.
Still, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not resourceful, creative, and thoughtful. Thus was born the Next Big ThingSM in the marketing communications industry.
As many of us are painfully aware, during the "heating" season, the air in our homes, offices, and public transportation tends to become extremely dry (and drying!) - producing a surfeit of static electricity (I've mentioned to my partner, Pat, the at-time-humorous effect of static electricity and man-made fibers) and of dry, itching skin.
"How," I hear many of you ask, "can a beverage vending machine help in this, and how can that helping be of use to me in my marketing communications?" That is precisely the question which you should be asking, and I'm pleased to know that many of you are doing just that.
Clearly, spraying a cooling mist at people who are already cold is not something to be considered a "wise" idea - but what if we were to emulate a spa, and lavish a bit of moisture upon the customer? We could take him (or her!) from looking like a refugee from a Van de Graaf generator, to a perfectly coiffed, well dressed consumer in no time. In fact, we might be able to alleviate some of the "itching" of his (or her!) skin as well, simply by "enhancing" the water in the misting reservoir with a bit of emollients or other moisturizing ingredients.
Still, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC wonder if a cold soda and a moisturizer are the ideal combination. Accordingly, we are hard at work on a hot beverage dispensing vending machine with patent-pending MoistureMistTM technology. Now, as our target audience is watching the full-motion video on the front of the machine, he (or she!) will be enveloped in a soft cloud of moisturizing vapors, enhanced by the aroma of freshly brewing coffee (or tea!).
What better way to tell your target demographic that you wish them well than to make their skin softer, with fewer cracks and rough spots, while ending the "frizzies" (remember those TV commercials about frizzies?) and providing a warm, comforting message, all in the context of receiving a warm, comforting beverage?
What better way indeed?
As noted above, the patent on our MoistureMistTM technology is still pending, and we continue our developmental work - the coffee and tea vending machines occasionally play the videos in a somewhat jittery manner, apparently running just slightly faster than standard. We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are working on isolating the cause, and will put the machines out for bids in the near future.
Stay tuned for more!


Last week, Jay wrote about a couple words which we had thought were gone from the marketing vocabulary:
Mark Studdock responded:
"Jay, it's very easy to tell everyone to stop using two words, but until you empower them with ...."

Mark, I think you missed the point of my article. I explained that, regardless of our being tired of those ragged and shop-worn terms, they still convey concepts with which we must wrestle, and on which we must ultimately deliver.
I encourage you to read more closely, and to think before hitting "send" in your email program.

-- Jay

Bedtime for Buzzwords

Please note: the date of this missive was February 23, 2007

In the argot of marketing, there are two words which must not be spoken!

Quick - name two words that we were all glad to see disappear from our marketing jargon lexicon. I would wager a cold Pepsi® product that most of you included at least one of these: synergy and convergence.
I must include myself in the list of those not missing those words, however, I must also say that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are uniquely poised to deliver the benefits which were only hinted at by those two (happily!) now-defunct terms.
"How?" I hear many of you ask. "Like this," I answer.

Nearly every marketing pro this side of retirement has heard about web-isodes and mobi-sodes ad nauseum by now. Those, we are here to tell you, merely represent the opening salvo in a veritable tsunami of frenzied repurposing, to coin a metaphor.

What could possibly be the next wave in synergistic repurposed convergence? After webisodes and mobisodes, it's time for episodas. That's right - producers at all the major studios will soon be pouring full-motion, live action short features and series for distribution on full-motion capable, wi-fi-enabled beverage vending machines - and you all know where to go for the chance to sponsor these, now don't you?

In fact, some enterprising marketers (BMW comes to mind) have already been active in creating their own short films for release on the "internet" and via cellular telephone technology. This is merely the next logical stop on the evolutionary escalator of advertising and marketing messaging. While no longer physically addictive, there is no doubt that refreshing carbonated beverages (and even non-carbonated iced-teas!) can become habitual. Why not turn your customers' appointment drinking into appointment viewing at the same time?!

We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe that only the wisest and most forward thinking marketers will rush in here where sluggards fear to tread - you know in which camp you belong!


Last week, Jay wrote about his Big Game experience:
Simone Larrabie responded:
"What makes you think we're interested in your whining about getting wet? I don't tell everyone about my wetness, and you probably shouldn't either. If you don't know enough to take an umbrella to ..."

Simone, I think you've hit the nail on the head, as it were.
Rest assured that I will no longer "complain" about the weather in this column, nor will I be caught without an umbrella and some rubbers!

- Jay

Big Football Game Memories

Please note - the date of this missive was February 15, 2007

I'm not allowed to use the real name of the game, but you know what I mean!
You just knew something would have to go wrong, didn't you? After all, how could something as complicated as a random drawing of three marketing professionals for the chance at a ticket to the SuperBowl "Big Football Game" at the eleventh hour possibly go smoothly.
Well, in fact, our part here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC went off without a hitch - the three names were drawn, the entire newsletter list was notified, the winners were chosen, and that was that. Until the Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau was exposed as being a Convention and Visitors Bamboozler! Rain?! An open-air stadium?! Did no one think to warn the fans that they might want to bring rain-gear to the game?!
Let me just say that had we at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC been running the promotion of the game, there would have been some contingency plans made for inclement weather.
Still, apart from the disappointment felt by my guest at the defeat of "Da Bears" (but not one bit at the quality of the footlong which had been promised him!), I had a relatively enjoyable time (I was only treated to a bun-size wiener, as the footlong variety were seemingly in short supply). Our only real regret - Frank's and mine - was that they don't pipe the spectacular advertising (in all its High Definition glory!) onto the JumbotronTM in the stadium for those of us to whom the advertising is as important as the game.
Still, Franklin and I managed to stave off hunger with a Snickers® on the way back to the parking lot after the game, and we discussed the endless promotional possibilities of which we might avail ourselves (on behalf of our brands and/or clients) at the next such athletic event. That will be the subject of my next newsletter, but I didn't want too much time to go by without some kind of report on the game.
Oddly, we still have never heard from Mr. Caponigro regarding the ticket contest (perhaps he decided there was no point), so Pat and I had no choice but to consume his third prize award of a six-pack of Yoo-hoo® and a sleeve of GooGoo Clusters®. Better luck next time, Joe!


Last time, Jay wrote about
the search for a reader to use Pat's ticket to the game in Miami and notified the winner:
Stephen P. Boulware responded:
"Man, Jay, I thought for sure I'd be the first to reply and get to go to Miami and all that, but thanks for the chili dogs ..."

Steve, I was pulling for you too, my friend. I had visions of us with our footlongs in the middle of that crowd. Of course, I was pulling for Frank and Joe as well -

Who's the Lucky Winner?

Please note - the date of this missive was February 2, 2007!
A Few Days of Suspense Never Hurt Anyone!
As you know, my partner, Pat, is unable to attend the Super Bowl game with me, thus making available a single seat for this fabulous, one-shot World Series wannabe.
We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC announced (a scant three days ago) the three lucky marketers who had been randomly selected as finalists in the competition for this extravaganza, and now it's time for us to announce just who has won the ticket.
It may come as little surprise to most readers that the first response was received quite quickly. In fact, it arrived a mere thirty six hours after we had sent out our call to action!
The winner, in his e-mail reply, informed me of how anxious he was to see "Da Bears" stomp all over those "no-good, late-night sneaking Colts" in person. Still more gratifying to me, he also averred that he could hardly wait to "get that foot-long in his mouth" as mentioned in the contest announcement.
"Enough with the suspense," I hear you say. Indeed, I'm pleased to announce that my guest at Dolphin Stadium on Sunday will be Franklin J. Trowbridge, III of Amana of Camden.
Congratulations to Mr. Trowbridge, and condolences to Stephen P. Boulware, our second-place entrant. Steve will be receiving a package of Bun Length Ball Park® All-Beef Franks, a package of Wonder Bread® Hot Dog Buns, and a can of Hormel® Chili (No Beans!) so he can enjoy a "Chili Dog" while watching the game at home. As to Joseph Caponigro, we never heard from him - perhaps he's a Baseball-Only kind of guy?


A Special Offer For You!

Please note the date of this missive was January 30, 2007!
You May Have Already Won -
See Below
An unfortunate chain of events has led to the availability of my partner, Pat's, ticket to the Super Bowl this Sunday.
Under normal circumstances, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC would hold some kind of contest for our friends in the industry, leading to the use of said ticket. At this late date, however, that would be very difficult.
In lieu of said contest, we conducted a random spin of my Rolodex, choosing three potential winners. The first of these three lucky professionals to reply to this email will be joining me at Dolphin Stadium for a spectacular evening of foot-ball and foot-longs.
Before we proceed any further, let us apologize to those receiving this note whose names are not in the "Lucky Three" - we want you to know that we share your disappointment, but wanted you to know that you really did have a chance to attend the "Big Game" in Miami.
In order to avoid any problems, the winner, upon notification, will be met at our reserved parking space (in the "Tundra Preferred" section of the Dolphin Stadium parking system!), and then escorted to our seats in Section 115.
We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC regret that the winner will have to be responsible for getting to the game (and back home!), as we simply don't have time to arrange for a Luxury Executive Motorcoach, as would be our normal mode of operation.
Finally, the "Lucky Three" marketers are (in reverse alphabetical order!):
  • Franklin J. Trowbridge, III - Amana of Camden
  • Joseph Caponigro - WestWayne, Atlanta
  • Stephen P. Boulware - - Westlake Village, CA
Best of luck to each of you fellows - the clock starts now!


The Big Game?

More Like a One-Shot, World Series Wannabe, if you ask me!
You may have noticed the frenzy of football-ish tie-ins and marketing foo-faw all around the nation these days. Actually, you'd almost have to be dead to have missed it, I suppose.
At any rate, why are we letting the television networks tell us about what to be excited? Why are we ceding control of our remotes to the whims of advertisers from hither and yon?
It seems certain that we in the marketing biz have convinced your "average Joe" that this coming Sunday is all about some spectacular commercials, interspersed with large, sweaty men knocking one another down in front of a large audience.

"Bread and Circuses!" I hear someone cry.
"Lead Poisoning," is my considered reply.

That's right; I believe it's a lead-pipe cinch that this national glut of televised sales pitches and physical derring-do is little more than a sign of the downfall of civilization as we know it.
Why should we want all that football to interrupt our enjoyment of the commercials, when we could simply stop at the local beverage vending machine for a full-motion story - with no annoying interruptions?
Riddle me that, Batman, Riddle me that.


Last week, Jay wrote about the #1 marketing trend for 2007:
Herb Stringfellow responded:
"It seems to me, Jay, that all you ever do is recycle that same, tired sales pitch about soda machines.
"Don't you have anything new to tell us?"

Thanks, Herb.
You may have caught on to one of the key secrets of good marketing and advertising: repetition!
That's right, if you want someone to remember what you've told them, you will most likely have to repeat it a few times.
Thanks for noticing.
ell done and Excelsior!
-- Jay

New Year's Resolutions?

After a few months of trying to regain access to our blog, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have finally been successful. We'll be posting our recent newsletters here - some in slightly edited form - as we catch back up with our normal blogging schedule. Excelsior!
Note that the date of this missive was January 11, 2007

More Like Old Year's Resolutions,
if you ask Me!

It's that time of year again, when we all try to improve ourselves by resolving to lose weight, or gain weight, or stop losing sleep (or hair!). It's also that time of year when we realize that we've got about zero chance of any of that stuff really happening.
That's why we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC tend not to dwell on issues of personal appearance (nor even hygiene, from the looks of an associate or two! - just kidding, Herb!). After all, the time spent worrying about which notch to use in our belts is time not spent creating stunning marketing opportunities for our clients!

Still, it seems almost obligatory to come up with a list of the top ten new marketing activities, or the top ten companies poised for greatness, or whatever.
However, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC tend not to follow trends, but rather to create them - to blaze trails, boldly to go where no marketer has gone before! (Has that split infinitive bothered anyone else all these years? Ye gods, Gene Roddenberry must have been grammatically challenged.)
Accordingly, Jay Standish, Inc. LLC predicts that the number one marketing trend and opportunity for 2007 will be full-motion capable, Wi-Fi-enabled, beverage vending machines, equipped with CoollMisstTM technology.
How many marketers can afford to ignore the opportunity to not only quench a potential customer's thirst, but also to cool him (or her!) with a blast of cooling mist, while he (or she!) is entertained by a full-motion video of the marketer's product in use? How many? We here at Jay Standish. Inc. LLC would say there are none who can afford that. Ignorance, in this case,
is far from bliss - it's more like lost sales!


Last week, Jay wrote about finding a balance between work and home:
Bob Barden responded:
"I think I see what you mean, but you're so full of it when it comes to figuring how to decide between business meetings and social events.
If I went to every one of my kids' soccer games, I'd ..."

Thanks, Bob, but we're really not that interested in your parental angst - this is a marketing newsletter, not a parenting support group.