Marketing Ostriches

Wishing won't make it so, my friends;

no, I'm afraid that it simply won't.

Oh dear, they're at it again. Perhaps I'm getting an inkling of what our infamous, erstwhile Vice President experience when he felt compelled to upbraid those "nattering nabobs of negativism" in his famous address.

Would that it were as simple as combating a bevy of journalists on jeremiads – alas, it's far worse than that. Once again the “trades” are full of excoria, purporting to be expert advice regarding the practice of marketing and maintaining brands – and these by self-proclaimed practitioners of the craft.

And what [dare we wonder?] do these “experts” prescribe? Nothing less than the death of brands as we have come to know them. Yes, these experts resemble no one more than the fabled Dr. Kevorkian of suicide machine fame. As an aside, one wonders – where is the good doctor these days, in prison? Writing a book on marketing? The mind fairly boggles, no?

“Surely you exaggerate!” I hear you cry, and perhaps I do – but I very much doubt it; for once again the siren call of “Your Brands are what everyone else says they are” is heard throughout the land. Yes, and your résumé means precisely what I think it means, and not what you had intended, right?

And so it goes.

When will we get past this cult of the mediocritocracy? Perhaps this all goes back the Jean Paul Sartre and his French existentialist ilk. The whole idea that “you are who others think you are” seems to be the basis for today's rampant brand surrenders.

One must assume that they've missed the basic point of Sartre's play, Huis Clos (or No Exit, to you and me!), which was that Hell is Other People.

If we let our brands be defined by “other people,” we've consigned them [and ourselves!] to Marketing Hell. Hardly the stuff of which dreams are made, let alone profits.

All the while this drivel [yes, drivel!] is being promulgated, we also receive information that strong corporate brands continue to grow – despite the economic downturn. Clearly, a fickle, shifting public defining of these brands is no-where to be seen – growing brands are strong because they're nurtured by wise marketing professionals, not by being blown thither and yon by the vagaries of public opinion.

In a related blast of cognitive dissonance (if you'll pardon the “technical” term!), I read that there are now more Americans making their respective livings as professional bloggers (?!) than there are fire-fighters or even computer programmers [sadly, there are still more lawyers than bloggers].

“Where's the dissonance?” you ask. Well, just as my mind was being boggled by reading this statistic, I discovered that one of my three favorite bloggers is hanging up his keyboard, as it were.

Whenever I wanted to catch up on the goings on in the “Motor” City [that's Detroit to you and me!], I would steer my trusty browser straight to the Detroit Media Guy blog on the internet. Seldom [if ever!] would I be disappointed by the posts and the comments. Yes, it's quite a testament to the readership that DMG (as his cyber-friends seemed to call him quite regularly) was able to attract that the comments to his musings and postings were often as well-written (and as well read!) as those posts themselves.

Perhaps it's time for a mini-series of newsletters covering my favorite bloggers – before they're all victims of bit-rot or right-sizing – or perhaps not.

It might be instructive to gather a list of your favorites and mine, so that we all might share in the cyber-bounty of thoughts and counter-arguments that make up the blogosphere [and no, Jody, that as nothing to do with that rascally erstwhile Governor of Illinois!].

As a start, my top three, in no particular order (thank you, Tom Bergeron!) are:

Detroit Media Guy,
Random Rantings, and
The Lonely CEO

[feel free to follow the links cleverly embedded in the preceding text to sample these fabulous blogs!].

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC look forward to compiling and disseminating a list of our joint favorites in the weeks to come.

Excelsior! and RIP DMG.

Last time, Jay wrote about the death of newspapers and paper routes:
R. Scott "Randy" Hearst responded:
"Jay, you've either got your tongue stuck in your cheek, or you're woefully ignorant of the real workings of the paper-delivery system in this great nation of ours.
I notice that you don't distribute a printed version of your newsletter, so you don't have to deal with finding a stable of stinky young brats with bicycles to pedal through urbia and suburbia delivering the sweat of your brow - now firmly printed on pulp. If you had ever had to substitute at 4AM in the cold for some rotten brat just because he had strep throat or pneumonia, you wouldn't ..."

I'm going to stop you right there, "Randy," before it gets too personal. Once you've calmed down a bit, I'd appreciate a less deprecating and more thoughtful commentary. Any chance of that?

-- Jay

Moving Beyond Metrics

No, I don't mean kilometers and kilograms, I mean CPC, ROI, CPM, and other TLAs


We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are pleased to announce that we are in the planning stages of a nationwide tour, presenting our latest marketing "seminar" or "course" which is entitled "The Next Wave - Moving Beyond Metrics: a Short Course in What Really Matters in Marketing, and How to Say it Briefly, Clearly, Succinctly, and without Unnecessary Redundancy."
Among the stops currently anticipated are Palo Alto, Dallas, Casper, Atlanta, Cincinnati (P&G, here we come!), Detroit, and Camden. We expect to finalize our deal with probable national sponsor, Red Roof Inn Systems® very soon. Once that deal is "inked" (and before the ink is even dry, if I have anything to say about it - and believe me, I do!) we'll announce the specific venues in each city - including a run-down of which Inns sport the new free "Wi-Fi" service, and which of them have pools (many now do!).
Again, plans are still in the making, but we anticipate providing a complimentary continental breakfast and coffee bar for those of you who need that carbohydrate and caffeine boost in the morning, courtesy (we hope!) of our soon-to-be-approached potential sponsor, Publix® markets.

Of course, we wouldn't want to hold out a mere "teaser" to you on this without giving at least a flavor of what's likely to be included in the planned presentation, thus:

How many of you are struggling with mounting demands from "management" to give better metrics of the ROI of your marketing efforts? (hands down now, thank you) We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC tend to think this is analogous to the "Carpenter Quandary" - to wit: to the man (or woman!) with only a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Similarly, with today's readily available "lower funnel" measurements (sorry for the technical terms!), every marketing problem looks like a sales problem. How, one wonders, can one measure a branding campaign with a direct mail metric? How indeed? One simply cannot - hence this presentation and Magical Marketing Tour: Moving Beyond Metrics: or How I Learned to Stop Measuring Click-Through Rates and Love Gross Impressions.
Magical? You know it, brother (or sister!) - after all, you said you wanted a Revolution!

Readers of this newsletter will certainly get an advance official notice of and invitation to the event, once the details and dates are finalized and "hammered out" to our satisfaction (pun mostly intended).
Be on the lookout for that Candy Apple Red Luxury Executive Motorcoach with the giant magnetic "Jay Standish - Beyond Metrics" sign on the side (courtesy of our friend Harvey Glendinning at Pip Printing!) carrying a veritable "SWAT Team" of marketing mavens from Jay Standish, Inc. LLC. That's right - for the first time, I'll be bringing some of my associates along - perhaps Pat will be available for a trip (at last!), but rest assured, we're coming! and to a town near you!


Last week, Jay wrote about interplanetary trash disposal:
Raoul Floyd responded:
"Jay, your whole idea of making space launches seem "green" by using them to dispose of dangerous waste seems totally ludicrous. That seems as likely as trying to seem green by paying someone who pollutes less to balance out one's own emissions. Buying "carbon credits" from folks who otherwise wouldn't use them to allow for high-energy homes and large vehicles would be totally unethical .... Oh, never mind."

"Never mind" is right, Raoul, right indeed.
-- Jay

Marketing's Next Frontier!

Could your product be the next sponsor of the US Space Program? It could!

At least, it could be if Rep. Ken Calvert's proposed legislation is passed. Rep. Calvert is looking to allow sponsorships of NASA activities, much as NPR and PBS sell sponsorships today.
I had Terry in the research department here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC do a quick dive into the background of Mr. Calvert, just to see if this is all on the up and up (so to speak!), and it looks like it's true. Not only is he an actual member of Congress, but he seems - based on Terry's perusal of the "Wikipedia" - to be a former Classic Rock Disk Jockey from Detroit. How this qualifies him to be a congressman who works with NASA isn't yet clear.
At any rate, the main and plain point to be made here is that there is goodwill to be had for any marketer savvy enough to grab this out-of-this-world (literally!) opportunity by the horns and shake hands with Uncle Sam. Think of the range of consumer goods with origins in the space program, and you'll get an idea of what I mean.
Imagine being able to use phrases such as, for example, Velcro® - brought to you by Head and Shoulders® Refreshing Shampoo in commercial communications. The possibilities are nearly endless!
Clearly, some brands and industries are better positioned to take advantage of this kind of tie-in. Dyson® vacuum cleaners - tackling the endless vacuum of space; Orbit® gum - flavors last an extra long time; there are myriad possibilities for those willing to think outside the atmosphere!

This is an opportunity where it may barely be possible to get in on the ground floor - but that's where all this has to start.
The range of options is wide, but certainly not unlimited, so it's imperative that the savvy marketer get to work on this right away - the final countdown may already have begun!
It is our understanding here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC that the famous insurance company, the "Prudential," may be interested, and may even refresh their old slogan (own a piece of the rock) with a new version. Perhaps they plan to give cut-rate life insurance to astronauts and passengers on the Shuttles? Take a piece of the rock with you?

Anything beyond this is mere speculation - something on which we tend to frown, here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC - and fraught with potential imprecision. Thus, we must end this "thought experiment" at this point, and merely be content to have raised the issue with our readers.
Should any of you wish to take advantage of this upcoming opportunity, know that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are standing at the ready.

Excelsior!

Last time, Jay wrote about Baby Ruth, Major League Baseball, and product names:
Zachary Sainte-Drôme responded:
"Your column couldn't have been more timely, Jay. My company is currently negotiating to become the official Canadian pharmacy of Major League Baseball, and a name change may well be in the offing. We'll be sure to contact you as the contract signing draws nearer...."

Interesting proposition, Zachary. With the loss of the Expos, this may be a way for MLB to expand Canadian interest in the sport. We look forward to hearing from you!
-- Jay

btw, we've had numerous queries regarding the Josh Groban concert. I suppose after my extensive reporting of the Bears' loss in Miami, it was to be expected. Sadly for my readers, Jennifer and I have decided that what happens in San Jose stays in San Jose.
-- Jay