Entertaining Clients

Are there lines which one ought not to cross?
Some pit-falls and prat-falls of T&E

We were having lunch at Michael's a week or so ago. I believe I saw Jack Myers there with an attractive woman who must have some position in an up-and-coming, off-the-wall new media company.
"Aren't you having a drink today, Jay? Are you feeling OK?" queried my guest.
"Yes, I'm feeling fine, thanks, but no, I'm not drinking today. This is my way of showing solidarity and lending some moral support to my erstwhile partner, Pat."

Some background may be in order here. What a long, strange trip it's been....
Perhaps I ought not to have been surprised, but I must admit that I was completely gob-smacked when I received the call from Dr. Rodney.
The good doctor was calling from the Casper-Harvey Clinic to tell me that Pat had “checked himself in” for treatment.
After hanging up – and informing certain of the staff here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC – I had a long conversation with Morgan and Jody about the dangers of our way of life – viz. how entertaining clients can be a quick road to liver damage and other problems. Morgan – perspicacious as ever – opined that this might help to explain Pat's behavior back when he had announced my death to the readership of this newsletter and blog. I have a feeling that Morgan is correct.
In fact, I have been out in the great (!) Pacific Northwest® these past two months, lending to Pat what support I could in his efforts to de-tox his body and to re-start his life.
At first, I was almost more concerned for myself than for Pat, as I – for perhaps the first time! - noted just how much of the distiller's art I routinely quaff. Still, as the weeks went by, and I began sleeping more soundly than I had in years, I found myself almost thanking Pat for his “fall” from grace - as it were! - which showed me just how closely behind him I was poised (metaphorically speaking, in the main).

But ... back to my lunch at Michael's. My co-diner [but not co-winer!] was somewhat non-plussed at the fact that I was forgoing the traditional adult beverage. While not nearly as prevalent as it once was [alas, the days pass much too quickly], the consumption of alcoholic beverages as part of the business T&E tango goes on a-pace.
One wonders if there will ever come a time when the after-lunch brandy, the "House Chardonnay" with the entrée, or the pint of Guinness [for strength!] with a plate of fish and chips will be as unwelcome in polite society as is the Camel "straight" or the post-meal cigar in this day and age. I - for one! - dread any such developments as not only counter-productive, but also de-civilizing.

Still, I come back to that scene where I had to fess-up, as it were, to the fact that I was drying out in order to show support for a friend who was also being dessicated - and this for his own good, mind you.
There really isn't much more to put in this issue of our once-regular newsletter apart from this: We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC look forward - and most eagerly, let me assure you - to hearing your thoughts on this topic. Is there really a new era about to dawn on the consciousnesses of this generation of marketing professionals? What will a fully tea-totalling workforce mean to productivity measures? What of the workers at the breweries, distilleries, and wineries of this fine nation [and beyond!]? Think of the children! When will they learn the difference between an ale and a lager, a Pinot Noir and a Shiraz, or a true Bourbon and simple Tennessee sippin' whiskey?

We anxiously await your replies.

Last time, Jay wrote about long-distance relationships:
John Dvorak responded:
"I've been a true road warrior for as long as the term has meant something other than a wrestler or Mel Gibson wannabe, and let me tell you one thing. My relationships have been just as satisfying from a distance as they are up close In fact...."

Let me stop you there, John, before you reveal more than you perhaps truly intended.
As you may be able to discern from this issue's text, things are going, while not swimmingly, at least they are going.

-- Jay

More Bad News for Micro-Soft?

Yes, it looks as though Steve "Monkey Dance" Ballmer has once again flubbed the only opportunity he has to be a significant mover and or shaker in the world of high technology - viz that he was not included in the cast of the upcoming eighth fabulous season of Dancing With the Stars.

To make matters worse - if that were possible! - co-founder of arch-nemesis Apple, Steve Wozniak is the sole representative of geekdom on the program. One imagines this may be a chance for Apple to segue from Jobs to Woz, should the health of the former not improve adequately.

As before, please remember that you read all this here first!

Sad News from the World of Television

Perhaps you recall a reader's comment from back in April (the issue of April 28, in fact):

Last time, Jay wrote about amateur hubris:
Ima W. Esome responded:
"I don't know where you come off saying that my public access show isn't as good as Mad TV! You've probably never even seen my brilliant impersonations of Beverly Garland or Alice Ghostley...."

I think someone's pulling my leg here. Still, you didn't make any good points, and there's no point in annoying the host.
-- Jay

Well, the sad news has just come over the wire, as it were, that that fabulous actress and screamer, Beverly Garland, has passed away. sic transit gloria mundi, sic indeed.

Jay.

A Delicious Irony?

Has anyone ever heard of a long-distance, East-West Relationship that succeeded?

Now they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder
And that tears are only rain to make love grow
Well my love for you could never grow no stronger
If I lived to be a hundred years old

Words never rang so true as when the late, great Roy Orbison crooned those heart-rending lines to all of us, lo these many years ago. Little did I know then, that one day I might live those words that once seemed just so much philosophy and wisdom, but now seem to be life itself.
I'm sure that you, my regular readers, clients, and friends, will be a tad surprised to find out that Pat has contacted me once again. Shocked is more descriptive of my initial reaction, you may be assured - shocked indeed.

Yes, absence does seem to make the heart grow fonder, or so I'm coming to believe, albeit somewhat reluctantly. What with my frequent trips across the country to participate in bi-athlons, pent-athlons, and extreme rock crawling, I've found that the offices here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC, humble though they be, are a welcome haven when at last I return home.
Somewhat similar feelings seem to be starting around other areas, and regarding other people as well. I can but imagine your surprise as you read the words I am about to type, but imagine (if you can!) my own surprise at being able to type them: Pat may be back in my life.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this yet, but we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC do nothing if not drop grudges as events make evident that they ought to be dropped - and events seem to be conspiring to indicate just that.
No, Pat's not been re-hired, not by a long-shot! In fact, Pat's relocated to the West Coast, pursuing a life-long dream to get into screen-writing and other creative endeavors. Rather than allowing our former relationship to recede along the banks of Lethe, the added distance seems to have, as the song-writer would have it, made the heart grow fonder. Whether anything will come of this, only time will tell, of course. Still, I'm hoping for some "pointers" or "guidelines" or other "advice" from my friends and readers. Can these long-distance relationships - crossing time zones! - ever really work?

As we head into the "holiday season" - with Thanksgiving hard upon us! - I'm sure many of our thoughts are turning to turkey (or tofurkey if one is so inclined), pumpkin pie, and football. Well, my thoughts are more likely to be turning back - recalling days reclining in front of the fire on a bearskin rug with a loved one. Perhaps my thoughts are turning to mush, but perhaps that's where they really have always belonged!?

At any rate, more marketing musings coming soon, and thanks for being there for me.

Last time, Jay wrote about returning home from China and granting a paladin's wish:
Holger Dansk responded:
"Allowing a commie un-civil servant to take your sword away makes me wonder how much you really know about paladins and such, Jay. I know I would never have suffered such indignity without at least threatening mayhem or worse..."


Ah, Holger, my friend, if only it were so simple. I fear that a rapier is no shield against the machine guns the airport guards began wielding for the Olympic period. Still, I admire your spirit, and match it fully with my own - Excelsior!

-- Jay

Home At Last!

And Jay Standish Inc. LLC becomes a veritable "Make A Wish" for a "Reader"

“At last!” I hear you cry, “At last Jay has returned and has issued another “newsletter” to help us better to serve our clients. Huzzah!” Well, perhaps I exaggerate a bit – perhaps a bit. At any rate, it is with no small amount of joy and gratitude that I type these words back here in these United States.

I don't want to make this newsletter any longer than necessary by reciting the story of how I came to be so long delayed – the full tale must await another issue. Suffice it to say that the “authorities” in Red China (yes indeed – they had this marketer seeing red!) did not look kindly on non-registered athletes arriving at their Olympic Games^TM, epée on hip. No, not kindly at all. Detaining me at the airport for days seemed to be nothing less than a pleasure to these “officials” who deemed me a threat to society – all the while ignoring the other travelers who were gleefully snapping photographs with their iPhones® and happily emailing them – and countless blog entries – back to civilization. Tell me (if you can!) which of us was more of a threat to the Chinese Way of Life (I believe the call is the Tao of Poo or something of that sort).

Needless to say, I eventually was allowed to return home, having missed not only the entire Olympic Games^TM, but also the entire Special Olympics® as well. Perturbed, but in no wise chastened (!), I was at last able to return to my office here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC and attempt to pick up my communications threads and my life.

Imagine, if you will, the amount of email correspondence awaiting my attention upon my return from Peking. Sadly (and many of you may have already anticipated this!) only a very small percentage of that volume was actual, useful correspondence. The vast preponderance was notifications, invitations, and updates from my "friends" in various "social" networks.
I have become convinced that SNA (Social Networking Abuse) is a major threat to the productivity of the American Economy. Think of the hours you have spent opening and deleting copies of the latest mass email (countless copies of which have been forwarded to you by countless contacts!) proclaiming the "Nearest Approach of Jupiter to Earth in Nearly a Month!" or "Missing Child Found Eating Own Foot to Survive in Densely-Wooded Valley" or "Russian Women Want to be Your Wives" or any of a number of such missives and pitches. Clearly something must be done or we'll find ourselves unable to sift the “wheat” from the virtual chaff.

Enough of this “belly-aching” for the nonce – we will (most likely!) revisit this topic in a future newsletter, attempting to draw some marketing inferences from the sad state of the current social networking landscape. “Heart-warming” sounds so much better than “belly-aching” and it was just such a gem that I found amidst all the other offers, updates, and come-ons in my “in-box” upon my return. Let me share it with you:

Many of you, my long-term subscribers and readers, will no doubt remember the tale of our first (and only so far!) Marketing Paladin; viz. that his goal in life is to front a punk band. You will further recall, I trust, that I had put “Joe” in touch with Morgan and Shannon of the (sadly) now-defunct Celtic Punk band, Left Sister Down. Little did I know then, that said introduction would lead to one of those School of Rock© moments until Morgan passed on to me the picture embedded below in an email.

Apparently, “Joe” was in the area when Left Sister Down's final “gig” (that's what they call these jobs – I'm not making this up!) was announced. He put “two” and “two" together and got “for your last gig, wouldn't you like a guest vocalist on a tune or so?” And, in fact, they did! “Joe” was ecstatic, nearly needless to say, and Left Sister Down made it a memorable night for all involved.

Media reports, sketchy though they were, indicate that “Joe” made a somewhat creditable performance on two “covers” - “I Want To Be Your Dog” by Ignaz Popp and the Stooges, and “I Want to Riot” by Rancid. One critic noted,

“[“Joe”] seemed a bit ill-at-ease with the lyrics at first, but once the band found a groove to fit his, he sounded somewhat better. On the next tune - “I Wanna [sic!] Be Your Dog” - [“Joe”] really hit his stride, sounding angry, mournful, and canine all at once. In sum, not bad for an over-the-hill never-was, and it was nice of Left Sister Down to share their final spotlight with [“Joe”] - we might have witnessed the beginning of the Geezer Punk Revival there that night.”

As previously noted, the photograph above was supplied to me by Morgan, and depicts the members of Left Sister Down, along with sound-people, roadies, hangers-on, and (at the far right!) our friend “Joe” after the “gig” had ended and the “crowd” had dispersed.

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are proud to have been able to be a part of fulfilling the dreams of one of our colleagues – well done, “Joe,” well done indeed!

Excelsior!

Jay Standish,

Jay Standish, Inc. LLC

Last time, Jay wrote about his produced but not sold reality series:
Henry Weed responded:
"That's one of the big problems with independently produced programs - you never know if there's really an outlet for what you're making...."

Thanks for your comments, Henry (may I call you Hank?), but it's not so much that there was no outlet, but rather that I was hood-winked out of the time needed to assure placement of this spectacular on the proper outlet by my former partner, Pat (who's been sacked!).

Excelsior anyway!
-- Jay

A Double Apology Is Now Necessary!

Make that a "triple" apology now, as we seem inadvertently to have (once again!) disallowed commenting on this posting. It would appear we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC need an update to our quality controls or other process improvement in order to avoid such "blunders" and "mistakes" in the future!

Those of you who receive our newsletters may well have noticed the strange title of the latest issue. In fact, that was, in fact, the place-holder used in the "template" which Kim (from our IT group) had created for me. I was simply in too big a rush to return to my negotiations which are discussed below. The double apology mentioned above is accounted for with this one, along with the one in the next paragraph.


First off, and from the very beginning, I wish to apologize for my long absence from the issuance of our regular (?) newsletters.

While we've never made any pretense of having a "hard" or "rigid" publishing schedule, we've tried to keep the ideas and thought provocation flowing more steadily than we have in recent weeks.

Not an excuse, but an explanation, is (perhaps!) in order.


As most of you are likely aware, the 2008 Olympics® are about to begin in Beijing (or Peking as it's more commonly known - the Istanbul of the Far East, as it were). As most of you are also likely aware, I was a participant in a "reality" show which had as its working title, "Who wants to be a Pent-Athlete?" Said show was clearly a natural for an Olympic® tie-in, and as such was it purveyed to varied "media" outlets.

In fact, until just this past week (or so!), I worked under the understanding that this "show" was to be broadcast by one of the ESPN affiliated networks - and this under a strict non-disclosure agreement; one which would not even allow me to tell my closest friends and / or confidantes of this scheduled "airing" until the first promotional announcement had aired.

Perhaps I should have realized long ago (perhaps? I think that "clearly" or "obviously" might be more appropriate here - read on!) that there was a problem - or a monkey wrench - in the works.

The ESPN family of networks had been shut out of Olympic® coverage yet again, but hankered (isn't that a delightful word?) after some related programming. While I was away participating in the reality program, my erstwhile partner, Pat (who has since been sacked!) was negotiating network carriage of this speculative production. Imagine my surprise in recent days when I discovered that Pat had produced an agreement for the program to air on ESPN 8 [affectionately known as "the Ocho" for some reason] - the which network doesn't actually exist! It seems to be a network name used only in accounts of fictional sporting events. Pat has once again nearly shattered my dreams (but I mustn't obsess).

Accordingly, I have been away these past many days working to find a distributor; thus far with no luck.


Normally, we would hope (and expect!) to be carried on the fine Bravo network, but they're already chock-a-block full with actual Olympic® coverage.

Still, Semper Spero^TM is but one of our many "mottoes" and "catch-phrases" here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC, and we try to live by each of them every day. (Yes, "I mustn't obsess" is another of them, if you must ask.) Accordingly, I shall now return to my efforts to place this fabulous program on a broadcast (or cable!) outlet, in order that the amazing trials and camaraderie inherent in all reality programming might be viewed by as many potential consumers as possible.


Should I be unsuccessful in gaining an outlet in time for the originally anticipated "tie-in" with the Olympics®, I hope to find a distributor for a "direct to DVD" (and Blu-ray!) edition.

Until then, I fear I must leave you with no special marketing insight other than this - never sign a contract without knowing whether the other party (or parties!) actually exist. The embarrassment, angst, and extra work you save may be your own!

Last time, Jay wrote about a Marketing Paladin:
S.M.F. responded:
"Jay, that guy might sound like just a cutup, but I've worked with him (I'm pretty sure I know who "Joe" actually is), and while he likes a good jest now and then, he's one of the hardest working men in the business. In fact, I'd be proud to have him recommend me to prospective employers..."

Well, S.M.F. (that really is the only "name" we got on this note), I'm glad to see you realize the importance of the opinions and recommendations of such as our first Marketing Paladin. Best of luck in your career, and do keep in touch.

-- Jay

Marketing Paladins RoundTable

My apologies to King Arthur, and to

Charlemagne, too, for that matter!

As my long-time readers (and friends!) know well, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not inveterate travelers. We try each year to manage a grand tour of these United States - and sometimes our friendly Provincial friends to the North (eh?) - meet-ing, greet-ing, and seminar-ing our way hither, thither, and yon.
On one of my recent gala-vants, I was able to sit down with some of the finest minds in marketing and advertising. Sadly, it was not an actual RoundTable as our title indicates, but rather a series of conversations in a series of venues (most of them at Red Roof Inns - many having both indoor pools and free in-room Wi-Fi!).

As my most recent missive may have made clear, I (along with most of my bi-athlete prep-school chums!) have long had a fondness for military strategy, history, and so forth - not that I'm the model of a modern major general, by any means! Nonetheless, among the tomes over which we would pore in those days (and nights!) were the recountings of the exploits of the knights of King Arthur's Round Table (there was surprisingly little mention of flour or other wheat-like products, but I digress) and those of the Paladins (though not the one from San Francisco, I fear!) of the court of Charlemagne.
Granted that these were distinct groups, operating in different regions and at different times, I was drawn to the camaraderie and bonhomie evidenced in both groups of men. Accordingly, when I find fellow professionals who seem to embody the absolute best of the marketing (and advertising!) field, I have come to dub them the Paladins of Marketing, or Marketing Paladins. I imagine them sitting around the RoundTable, discussing at length, and with great vim and vigor, the most important topics and disputations of the day.
Thus, when I have the chance to sit down with one of these modern day Marketing Paladins, I feel it's a chance I must take - and a record must be made.
This, then, is the first in an occasional sub-series of newsletters which will grant you, the reader, an insider's look at the workings of some of the finest minds I know. This first installment is the record of a conversation I had with one of my good friends, and one of the earliest supporters of our full-motion-video-equipped beverage vending machines (sadly, our business deal was never - quite - consummated).

"Joe" did ask that I disguise his identity, as there was some chance of his leaving his then-current employment in a simply peachy Southeastern metropolis and heading for dryer climes out West. I have endeavored to keep his identity somewhat hidden - not least by slightly editing (or even leaving out!) the answers to some of the more personally-identifying questions, and by employing that in-famous "blue" oval. Still, I believe that all and sundry of our readers will find "Joe's" thoughts both enlightening and refreshing. [In case you're wondering, "Joe" may (or may not!) be a pseudo-nym or "nom de guerre" for my actual interviewee - but I'll have to keep you wondering! Yoiks!]


Jay: What's the most important thing you've learned about advertising?
"Joe:" The ability to deal with change isn't good enough. You must have a passion to drive change.

Jay: Is there any food that helps you think more creatively?
"Joe:" To what food group does a cigar belong?

Jay: If you had to live on a desert island, what would you miss most?
"Joe:" How about some more details? Does the island have a golf course?

Jay: What got you into this business in the first place?
"Joe:" I was a pre-med refugee who stumbled into a marketing major. I really enjoyed my advertising classes (both of them!) and had a portfolio, comprised of the best of my college art courses. Looking back on it, it's a wonder why anyone hired me after they saw it.

Jay: Who was a big influence in your career?
"Joe:" I was fortunate to have several mentors during my career. They taught me media's technical skills, how to manage and inspire people, and how to have fun along the way.

Jay: What was "your finest moment," the thing of which you're most proud?
"Joe:" I'm proudest when someone I taught along the way has become successful in their ad career.

Jay: Do you have a method for coming up with ideas and solutions for clients?
"Joe:" Get to know a client's business, then, get to know their customer. Not just who they are, but how they live, act and think. I want to understand all of the rational and emotional factors in their purchase decision process.

Jay: What talent do you wish you had?
"Joe:" To write music and carry a tune. Not a perfect note, just one good enough so I could be the lead singer in a punk band. [note: At this point, I was pleased to introduce "Joe" to my associates, Morgan and Shannon, who were two of the members of the (sadly) now-defunct Celtic-Punk band, Left Sister Down. It seems nothing ever came of that meeting.]

Jay: What makes a great brand?
"Joe:" The ability to listen to their customers, then adjust to those customer needs. The great brands will continue to have relevance and give value to their customers.

Jay: What was your most embarrassing moment in this business?
"Joe:" Back in the polyester days, I had a pair of pants literally fall apart at the seams in the office. I learned a real life lesson on the value of quality that day.

Jay: What are your plans after advertising?
"Joe:" Lots of travel. With golf clubs.

Jay: What's your favorite sports team?
"Joe:" Anything [hometown]...[NBA Team], [NHL Team], [MLB Team] and yes...even the [NFL Team].

Jay: What frustrates you the most?
"Joe:" Negativism. I want to beat bloody hell out of people who aren't positive. @ssholes. [sic]

Jay: Do you have any pets?
"Joe:" No pets. I have a tough enough time making sure that [my boss] goes on the papers.

Jay: What was growing up like for you?
"Joe:" I grew up with [Y] brothers, [X] sisters and a whole gang of kids on a playground in a small [Midwestern] town. Every day was a blast!


So there you have it. The first full download of a wide-ranging and stimulating conversation with one of my Marketing Paladins sitting with me at the RoundTable.

Last time, Jay wrote about combining skill sets in unorthodox fashion:
Holger Hesten responded:
"Jay, I felt I was really a part of your chess boxing match as I read your newsletter. I still don't see how it helps me as a marketer, though. Of course, there are plenty of times I'd love to grab a client and punch him silly...."

Hold on there, Holger! There was no call to arms meant to be included in my last missive! Rather, it serves (or should!) as a reminder that we often have skills which are apparent only in our avocations which can be of great use in our true vocations (or callings!). That's how it should help you as a marketer. Should you desire further guidance, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC stand ready to help.

Excelsior!

-- Jay