Sad News

This is Jay's partner, Pat. (Yes, I really do exist.) I am writing to all those in Jay's electronic "Rolodex®" and on his "internet blog" to inform you that Jay has perished in a tragic accident.

Jay had decided to add to his already legendary athletic achievements in the bi-athlon by branching out into the "modern" pent-athlon. What with his rock-hard abs, steady hand, and practiced eye, the shooting, riding, running, swimming, and fencing involved in the modern pent-athlon seemed a sure bet.

Even allowing for his somewhat rusty equestrian skills, that assessment was right on the money, through the first four (4) of the five (5) events. Sadly, his wrist seemed ill-suited to fencing, and he was killed in a freak rapier accident by his "sparring" partner, Jody. Jody is holding up better than we expected - better than the police expected as well, leading to Jody's being taken in for further "questioning" by the authorities.

Jay is gone, but not yet forgotten, and long may he wave, although we're all at half mast here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC. Please remember to pay any outstanding invoices promptly so we can close our books and move on to the next chapter in our various and assorted lives.

Memorial contributions may be made to the Sir Charles Guinness Deficit Society.

As Jay would have said:
Excelsior!
Pat Mullins,

Jay Standish, Inc. LLC

RIP

Moving Beyond Metrics

No, I don't mean kilometers and kilograms, I mean CPC, ROI, CPM, and other TLAs


We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are pleased to announce that we are in the planning stages of a nationwide tour, presenting our latest marketing "seminar" or "course" which is entitled "The Next Wave - Moving Beyond Metrics: a Short Course in What Really Matters in Marketing, and How to Say it Briefly, Clearly, Succinctly, and without Unnecessary Redundancy."
Among the stops currently anticipated are Palo Alto, Dallas, Casper, Atlanta, Cincinnati (P&G, here we come!), Detroit, and Camden. We expect to finalize our deal with probable national sponsor, Red Roof Inn Systems® very soon. Once that deal is "inked" (and before the ink is even dry, if I have anything to say about it - and believe me, I do!) we'll announce the specific venues in each city - including a run-down of which Inns sport the new free "Wi-Fi" service, and which of them have pools (many now do!).
Again, plans are still in the making, but we anticipate providing a complimentary continental breakfast and coffee bar for those of you who need that carbohydrate and caffeine boost in the morning, courtesy (we hope!) of our soon-to-be-approached potential sponsor, Publix® markets.

Of course, we wouldn't want to hold out a mere "teaser" to you on this without giving at least a flavor of what's likely to be included in the planned presentation, thus:

How many of you are struggling with mounting demands from "management" to give better metrics of the ROI of your marketing efforts? (hands down now, thank you) We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC tend to think this is analogous to the "Carpenter Quandary" - to wit: to the man (or woman!) with only a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Similarly, with today's readily available "lower funnel" measurements (sorry for the technical terms!), every marketing problem looks like a sales problem. How, one wonders, can one measure a branding campaign with a direct mail metric? How indeed? One simply cannot - hence this presentation and Magical Marketing Tour: Moving Beyond Metrics: or How I Learned to Stop Measuring Click-Through Rates and Love Gross Impressions.
Magical? You know it, brother (or sister!) - after all, you said you wanted a Revolution!

Readers of this newsletter will certainly get an advance official notice of and invitation to the event, once the details and dates are finalized and "hammered out" to our satisfaction (pun mostly intended).
Be on the lookout for that Candy Apple Red Luxury Executive Motorcoach with the giant magnetic "Jay Standish - Beyond Metrics" sign on the side (courtesy of our friend Harvey Glendinning at Pip Printing!) carrying a veritable "SWAT Team" of marketing mavens from Jay Standish, Inc. LLC. That's right - for the first time, I'll be bringing some of my associates along - perhaps Pat will be available for a trip (at last!), but rest assured, we're coming! and to a town near you!


Last week, Jay wrote about interplanetary trash disposal:
Raoul Floyd responded:
"Jay, your whole idea of making space launches seem "green" by using them to dispose of dangerous waste seems totally ludicrous. That seems as likely as trying to seem green by paying someone who pollutes less to balance out one's own emissions. Buying "carbon credits" from folks who otherwise wouldn't use them to allow for high-energy homes and large vehicles would be totally unethical .... Oh, never mind."

"Never mind" is right, Raoul, right indeed.
-- Jay

Mother Nature Taking Over?
Is your marketing aligned with the seismic shift in consumer attitudes?

Who would have thought Home Depot® would be leading the way? Who indeed? Still, it comes as no surprise that there would be a savvy marketer ready to capitalize on the current greening of the world, does it?
Regular readers of this newsletter know that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not savvy, and with our commitment to various "out-of-doors" activities (including bi-athlon and rock racing!) we are also committed to maintaining an environment around us.
Lest the reader think this is nothing but pre-Earth Day pandering to the masses of environmental lobbyists, crack-pots, and ne'er do wells. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have put our collective money where my mouth is - so to speak! - and are working on making the space flights mentioned in last week's newsletter something more than a marketing boon-doggle. Indeed, Lee (from our R&D group) is hard at work (as are we all!) calculating the relative costs and benefits of carrying toxic and other forms of difficult-to-dispose-of wastes on these space flights - with the proposition being that said waste be dumped, not on the Earth, but rather tossed into decaying orbits around the Moon or (perhaps too ambitiously) the Sun itself.
Imagine, if you will, a next-generation Space Shuttle - in full NASA regalia - bedecked NASCAR-like with logos of sponsoring entities (perhaps your product? your clients' product?) along with a payload, also logo-bedecked, of dangerous waste products, bound for extra-Terrestrial disposal. Who might be interested in such a scheme? How about Waste Management®? How about the InSinkErator® folks? How about just about anyone wishing to make a statement that we know better than to mess up our own house? As they say, animals don't defecate where they habitate (a catchy rendition or that sentiment, don't you think?) - neither should people.
What marketer wants to be known as one who poisons his (or her!) own customers? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe the answer is clear and unambiguous: nobody we know!
Once Lee's work (along with the fabulous Jay Standish, Inc. LLC R&D staff) is done, we will be shopping around the first potential sponsorships of this concept. We're still working on names for this service, and we'd appreciate feed-back from our readers on these possibilities, as well as any suggestions you might care to make. Imagine seeing your own neo-logism boldly pasted on a proud (American!) spacecraft as it quivers with excitement on the launch pad in Florida, waiting for the thrust to send it hurtling into space - perhaps into Trans-Lunar Injection!
At any rate, our first list of rough possibilities await your comments:

• Star Trash
• Garbage to the Stars
• Wasted Space
• Take Out The Trash - Way Out!
  
• Ad Astra Per Trashpera

Last week, Jay wrote about "sponsored" space flights:
Rebecca Darmus responded:
"Jay, I understand how you and your testosterone- fueled friends might find space flight exciting - I've seen the shape of rockets, and I know what that's all about. Still, don't you find it a bit out-of-touch to be suggesting that we pay to put tons of pollutants into the atmosphere? Where's the concern for the environment? Where's the love? ..."

Rebecca, I think we all know where you're coming from, and I (for one!) subtly resent your testosterone remark. None the less, I think you're on to something with your talk of mountain greenery and such. See my comments above!

-- Jay

Marketing's Next Frontier!

Could your product be the next sponsor of the US Space Program? It could!

At least, it could be if Rep. Ken Calvert's proposed legislation is passed. Rep. Calvert is looking to allow sponsorships of NASA activities, much as NPR and PBS sell sponsorships today.
I had Terry in the research department here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC do a quick dive into the background of Mr. Calvert, just to see if this is all on the up and up (so to speak!), and it looks like it's true. Not only is he an actual member of Congress, but he seems - based on Terry's perusal of the "Wikipedia" - to be a former Classic Rock Disk Jockey from Detroit. How this qualifies him to be a congressman who works with NASA isn't yet clear.
At any rate, the main and plain point to be made here is that there is goodwill to be had for any marketer savvy enough to grab this out-of-this-world (literally!) opportunity by the horns and shake hands with Uncle Sam. Think of the range of consumer goods with origins in the space program, and you'll get an idea of what I mean.
Imagine being able to use phrases such as, for example, Velcro® - brought to you by Head and Shoulders® Refreshing Shampoo in commercial communications. The possibilities are nearly endless!
Clearly, some brands and industries are better positioned to take advantage of this kind of tie-in. Dyson® vacuum cleaners - tackling the endless vacuum of space; Orbit® gum - flavors last an extra long time; there are myriad possibilities for those willing to think outside the atmosphere!

This is an opportunity where it may barely be possible to get in on the ground floor - but that's where all this has to start.
The range of options is wide, but certainly not unlimited, so it's imperative that the savvy marketer get to work on this right away - the final countdown may already have begun!
It is our understanding here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC that the famous insurance company, the "Prudential," may be interested, and may even refresh their old slogan (own a piece of the rock) with a new version. Perhaps they plan to give cut-rate life insurance to astronauts and passengers on the Shuttles? Take a piece of the rock with you?

Anything beyond this is mere speculation - something on which we tend to frown, here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC - and fraught with potential imprecision. Thus, we must end this "thought experiment" at this point, and merely be content to have raised the issue with our readers.
Should any of you wish to take advantage of this upcoming opportunity, know that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are standing at the ready.

Excelsior!

Last time, Jay wrote about Baby Ruth, Major League Baseball, and product names:
Zachary Sainte-Drôme responded:
"Your column couldn't have been more timely, Jay. My company is currently negotiating to become the official Canadian pharmacy of Major League Baseball, and a name change may well be in the offing. We'll be sure to contact you as the contract signing draws nearer...."

Interesting proposition, Zachary. With the loss of the Expos, this may be a way for MLB to expand Canadian interest in the sport. We look forward to hearing from you!
-- Jay

btw, we've had numerous queries regarding the Josh Groban concert. I suppose after my extensive reporting of the Bears' loss in Miami, it was to be expected. Sadly for my readers, Jennifer and I have decided that what happens in San Jose stays in San Jose.
-- Jay

Made it to the Big Leagues!

Please note: the date of this missive was March 30, 2007

At Long Last, a subterfuge (?!) unreels into a lovely relationship!
This may be a bit out of date, but as the Major League Baseball (MLB) season approaches, I was reminded of an article I had read back in June. It seems (or seemed at the time, at any rate!) that Major League Baseball (MLB) has announced an official candy bar.
The Swiss-based food giant, Nestlé, has worked out a deal for one of its All-American Brands (viz. Baby Ruth®) to at last take its place with the All-American pass-time of Major League Baseball (MLB)! This relationship is all the more amazing in light of the "true story" of the candy bar's origin. Let me share it with you.
Back in the glory days of one George Herman Ruth, Jr (not a single last name in the batch - how odd!), a candy bar was created, and named for the late daughter of former President Grover Cleveland. Sadly, "Baby" Ruth Cleveland had passed away at the age of twelve (12) in 1904. Seventeen (17) years later, in 1921, in order to mark what would have been her 29th birthday, the Curtiss Candy Company issued these luscious, commemorative chocolate logs.
In what would turn out to be a marketing "bonanza" for Curtiss (Note to the reader: I've done some research, and find that "Bonanza" was not yet on television in 1921, so in the interest of full disclosure, I note that this may not be the most appropriate term to use here), that same year the Boston "Red Sox" traded Mr. Ruth to the New York Yankees, and he became quite famous in the athletic circles of his day. So much so, that poor Ruth Cleveland's story was completely crowded out of people's mental associations (much as the Federal Government's borrowings can crowd out the borrowings meant to fund productive ventures).
There is now, among the "conspiracy theory" crowd, some thought that this later, apparently spurious association was, in fact, the intent of the Curtiss Candy Company from the start. (Why anyone in Chicago would name a candy bar after an "athlete" from Boston or New York has yet to be clearly explained to me, despite my partner Pat's, best efforts.) In this "reading" of history, it seems that this Windy City candy maker was disingenuous to an extraordinary degree. Further, it seems that not only did said Chicagoan receive no official benefits from this purported association, but now that a European food conglomerate (Swiss, in fact!) has reaped the All-American benefits of official recognition by Major League Baseball (MLB).
Well, regardless of one's theory of history (I'm a Thucydides man, myself!), the current situation can but make one wonder - what product being marketed today by association with one person, place, or thing will one day benefit from a different, perhaps unintended association with a different person, place, or thing? Could there be a Sanjaya Snack Cake in the offing? Is there room in the game industry for a board game called Simon Says?

"All right, Jay," I hear you say. "What's this leading to?" and you're quite right to ask, and I'm quite happy to answer. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have developed a new line: we are pleased to announce our new naming-consultation practice. For years, there have been companies purporting to help marketers create names for their new products based on the "personality" of the product, or of the company, or even of the intended buyers. For the first time, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are offering marketers the chance to name products in such a way as to ride the coat-tails of unintended associations - yet with relative litigation-related impunity.
Clearly, I can't reveal all in this newsletter, but I have revealed all to my partner, Pat, and with very gratifying results indeed. Don't miss out - if you're groban groping for a name for a new product or service, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC can help - and we're not joshing!

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about sponsored mortgage rates:
John Werner responded:
"That's bloody brilliant, Jay. We here at (company name withheld) have been looking for a way to make ourselves valuable - nay, invaluable! - to potential customers, and you've hit us right on the head! Now all we need to do is ..."

Well, John, it's nice to see that there's someone out there who gets it - really gets it! I can't imagine a more valuable partner than one who helps with the house payments (right Pat!), and neither will your newly-dependent customers. We look forward to working with you on this.

-- Jay

Mortgage Meltdown?

Abundant Crises are but Opportunities in Disguise!

As most readers of this newsletter are no doubt likely already aware, there seems to be trouble in the mortgage industry. More specifically, there seems to be trouble in the sub-prime mortgage industry.
The way we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC see it, this appears to be a classic case of losing a little on each sale, but trying to make it up in volume. While that may or may not work in the floor-covering industry, it seems to have run its course in the financial sector.
With mortgage foreclosures out-pacing mortgage closings, it might not be long before every home in America (!) is owned by a bank, but with no one to whom they can sell them - hardly an optimal outcome, at least in our view.
Accordingly, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have done some research, put pen to paper (or rather, keyboard to screen!), and come up with some opportunities which we, rather humbly, believe may be the way forward in the economic malaise engendered by high energy prices and low mortgage rates.
First - amazing though it may seem - it appears that folks who buy homes tend also to buy new cars and trucks soon after. The theory we are currently using is that they've saved up for a down-payment on the house for so long that the old jalopy is just that - an old jalopy!
Secondly, and in a similar vein, these folks seem also to buy major home appliances at an increased rate. One supposes that cooking on someone else's stove may seem somewhat unhygienic. That theory was hatched by my partner, Pat, based upon a move into a house some years ago which seemed to have been occupied by serial deep-fryers, but I digress.
Thirdly, and finally (at least for this newsletter - more research is available upon request!), they seem also to be above-average buyers of new insurance policies. This (perhaps!) ought not to be terribly surprising, but still well worth noting - well worth it indeed.

"Jay," I hear you cry, "tell us how this all results in an opportunity, rather than in cause for macro-economic doom-and-gloomery!" And so I shall.

Imagine the plight of the typical new homeowner: he's (or she's!) in over his (or her!) head, financially speaking. What with a mortgage payment, a car payment, new appliances, and increased insurance, it would be amazing were he (or she!) not. Here's where opportunity raises its marketing head, as it were.
Keeping in mind that fiscal plight, what response might a savvy marketer at, say, Kenmore® expect if he (or she!) offered said homeowner a subsidy on the interest rate of his (or her!) mortgage? Exactly - he (or she!) would wonder about the attached strings, and rightly so.
In exchange for a half-point subsidy in the mortgage interest rate (this is for discussion purposes only, the actual level of subsidy will be determined at a future date), the homeowner agrees to purchase a certain number of Kenmore® appliances, and to accept certain marketing communications - right on the monthly mortgage statement!
Who makes out in this? Why, Everyone Involved! The homeowner is saving his (or her!) hard earned money each month, in exchange for making purchases which he (or she!) was likely to make anyway. Kenmore® has an immediate sale, and a channel of communication which should lead to a long-term loyal customer, and the mortgage company has avoided having to foreclose on another potentially unsaleable piece of real estate.
Of course, you may rest assured that similar scenarios can be (and have been!) imagined for insurance and automotive marketers.

Interested? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC certainly expect that you are - otherwise you're simply not the savvy, forward-thinking marketing professionals that we've come to believe you to be. Let us know how we can assist you in this new venture.

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about the results of his Josh Groban drawing:
Scott Barshay responded:
"My IT folks have told me that this was a total fluke. They claim that the Y2K7 problem shouldn't have affected my chances of winning. I guess I believe that it's not their fault, but I'm still going to drown my sorrows in a bottomless stack of onion rings ..."

Scott, Scott, Scott, don't take it out on your IT folks, and more importantly, don't take it out on your soon-to-be- cholesterol-clogged arteries! Have a Pepsi or a LiptonIce and chill, my man!

-- Jay

The Replies are In!

Please note - the date of this missive was March 16, 2007

A near tie, but Internet date-stamps and email logs reveal all!
Well, once again we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC had a very close contest to judge - and why not, what with the opportunity to experience a Josh Groban live performance, and all?!
As you may have guessed from the headline and sub-head above (I hope you don't mind those technical terms!), this was even closer than the SuperBowl Big Football Game drawing. In fact, the first (and only!?!) entries arrived in my "in box" essentially simultaneously, and it was only with the help of Kim, from the IT staff here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC, that we were able to determine our winner. Yes, we had to examine the email "header" portion of the electronic missives to determine which had actually arrived first.
One of the more gratifying things about this state of affairs is that these replies came in less than sixty (60) hours after our call to action!! That's nearly as quickly as the above-mentioned "football" drawing.
At any rate, you will no doubt recall that the call went out to three lucky marketing professionals, asking them simply to be the first to reply, and informing them that that first reply would gain its sender a ticket to see the dreamy Josh Groban, live in performance at the HP Pavilion on March 28th, accompanied by me, as my partner, Pat, is unable to attend. You will further recall that the lucky contestants were:

• Scott Barshay, Red Robin, Denver
• Roland Mendoza, BBDO, Los Angeles
• Jennifer Fabiano - Fabiano Communications, Scottsdale

Perhaps you will agree that the suspense ought to be ended, that I should simply tell you who won the tickets. I agree. Thus:
With an arrival time in my email "in box" of 12:03:13PM EST, Jennifer Fabiano of Scottsdale is the second place finisher. Arriving in my inbox at 1:03:12PM EDT was the winning entry from the one who now knows the way to San Jose, Scott Barshay of Denver.
You may be looking at those times and thinking, "Jay, you're off your nut," and you might even be right. However, a closer examination will provide the needed clarity. What with Congress (in its wisdom!) moving the start of Daylight Savings Time to mid-March this year, and the inability of certain IT departments and certain ISPs to handle said shift, Jennifer's email was still marked with Standard time, while Scott's was correctly punched with Daylight time. Thus, rather than being an hour behind, Scott was actually a second ahead of Jennifer. A lesson to us all, I think.
As with our last drawing, there was one "entrant" from whom we never heard - in this case it was Roland Mendoza of LA. Perhaps next time, Roland, perhaps next time.
Still, Scott and I can now look forward to a wonderful evening of song and some tasty "snackage" to boot - yum!

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about another drawing for very sought-after tickets:
Jennifer Fabiano responded:
"Dreamy is just the half of it, Jay, that Josh Groban is a musical god..."

See Jay's comments above.