Tales from an "inherited" Rolodex

You Could Win with Listerine®

2011-09-01T12:04:00.000-04:00

The top stories of business success with involve gargling will win!

As I mentioned in my last newsletter, the folks in China were generally less polite than I had expected. In addition (and much to my surprise I must admit!), the lack of oral care put me in mind of my travels in the back-country areas of Scotland and Northumberland.
In addition to the cosmetic aspects of this dentistry-averse culture, the sheer level of halitosis was something to behold - or to be-hold one's breath, as it were!

This experience put me in mind of the many ways in which our latest client's product has actually been put to use in our own firm's storied history. Many regular readers will remember the efforts of my erstwhile partner, Pat (I'm not bitter), to cover his liquid lunch habits with a quick (yet firm and bracing!) gargle of Listerine^®.

Most readers will be less familiar with other tales of marketing efforts and derring-do which have not been reported heretofore in these missives. One such example would be the time when one of our marketing paladins was able to fulfill a life-long dream by fronting the celtic-punk band, Left Sister Down at an actual "gig" as they call their jobs. Unsurprisingly, this marketer of Italian extraction sent forth such a wave of garlic that it nearly knocked the band members off their respective feet. It was only after some quick thinking by Morgan (one of the leaders of Left Sister Down), that "Joe" was able to stay on stage - Morgan provided a travel-sized bottle of Listerine^® and the "gig" was saved!

But enough of the history of Listerine^® with members of the Jay Standish, Inc. LLC "family" of marketing professionals and clients.
We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC would like to hear from you, our loyal readers, telling tales of other situations where the use of Listerine^® was able to "save the day" (as it were) for you, your associates, or your clients.
As noted in the subhead of our current newsletter, the top stories - seven of them, as selected by an impartial panel of judges selected at random in the lunchroom here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC on September 16th at noon! - will receive a fabulous prize.
"What," I hear you ask, "will be said fabulous prize?"
"A full year's supply of the Listerine^® flavor of your choice," I reply with some measure of certitude and alacrity.

[Please note that for the purposes of this "contest" (or promotional event, should you prefer), a year's supply will be construed as one 1.5 liter bottle per week, to be delivered through our customized Amazon.com Prime Subscription system.]

So what are you waiting for? We must receive your entry - an original tale of a marketing fiasco averted by gargling Listerine^® by midnight (Eastern Time!) Wednesday September 14!

Last time, Jay wrote about returning home from China and granting a paladin's wish:
Holger Dansk responded:
"Allowing a commie un-civil servant to take your sword away makes me wonder how much you really know about paladins and such, Jay. I know I would never have suffered such indignity without at least threatening mayhem or worse..."

Ah, Holger, my friend, if only it were so simple. I fear that a rapier is no shield against the machine guns the airport guards began wielding for the Olympic period. Still, I admire your spirit, and match it fully with my own - Excelsior!

-- Jay

A Rare Moment, Indeed

2009-05-20T10:11:00.004-04:00

It is with a fair amount of humility that I confess I was completely and abjectly wrong in my prognositication regarding the finalé of Dancing With The Stars. You likely caught my commentary and predictions in the comments to the previous post regarding the departure of our wooden cowboy friend from the competition.
A Mr. Bruce Campbell (surely not the Bruce Campbell?) asked for my thoughts, and I was more than happy to provide them. Sadly, I now must eat the proverbial crow.

My presumptive ordering was exactly the inverse of the final results. Thrilling though the dancing was, the "fans" who made the final determination seemed to enjoy the girlish antics of our erstwhile Olympic sweetheart far more than did I. (I would like to emphasize that in predicting the reverse order of finish, I did - in fact! - get the second-place finisher exactly right!)

My prediction had been that Melissa would win, followed by Gilles, with Shawn taking the bronze [as it were!]. My preference would have been to reverse those top two, placing Gilles in first place and Melissa second. But it was not to be.
Confounding my expectations, Melissa was the first one called out - as the third-place finisher. Next came the obligatory tension-building session of commentary from the delightful Tom Bergeron and the nearly-delicious Samantha Harris. And build tension it did.

Imagine my surprise (and no small measure of chagrin - no small measure at all!) when Shawn's name was called as the new champion. Another victory for the Olympians among us (as if they needed more), and a strong commentary that this nation no longer abhors short people [Randy Newman notwithstanding].

Ah well, on to the next season. Now let the speculation begin: will there be another computer industry "star" in the mix? How about a marketing professional? It's already got me tingling like Chris Matthews at an Obama speech!

Excelsior!

Well, so much for the wooden dancer ...

2009-05-15T14:59:00.003-04:00

After surviving far longer than anyone thought was reasonable (especially Li'l Kim, one might think!), our rodeo friend has finally been bucked off the stage [as it were!] by dint of everyone else's being better dancers than he.

Still, as noted in a previous "post" on this "blog," Ty's performance simply exposes the feet of clay of a certain "monkey-dance" poseur at Micro-Soft. Had M. Ballmer had the cojones (as our erstwhile near-finalist might have put it) to hoof it over at ABC along with Woz, his software giant (read de facto monopoly) might be looking forward to years of growth.
As it is, few will care that Steve "Fester" Ballmer might have been a contender, but chose to hide in Redmond instead.

Sad, that - sad indeed!

At any rate, one can only hope that the finale this coming week will be as spectacular as in seasons past, and that the next season will bring yet new surprises to the small screen.
Who knows, might there be a place for a master marketer to "bust" a move on the federally chartered all-digital airwaves? One can but hope and dream.

Excelsior!

No "Adios" Yet

2009-05-05T22:47:00.003-04:00

Well, shock was all around the audience this evening. Certainly I had no inkling that Lil Kim would be leaving Dancing With The Stars this early.
While the "junk in her trunk" as Len put it so Britishly did little for me, Ty's steady, yet mechanical dance style seemed over-ripe for plucking, as it were.

Perhaps the folks at home were mesmerized by his cowboy charms, perhaps the judges were tiring of Kim's gyrating glutei, perhaps we'll never know.

Still, it shows how important this program has become to America and Americans - if only Steve Ballmer had "sucked it up" [so to speak!] and entered the fray this season he wouldn't have had to lay off all those MicroSofties this week.

Ah, me, the vagaries and exigencies of marketing in the modern world.

So, five, six, seven, eight, Excelsior!

Marketing Ostriches

2009-04-22T17:54:00.006-04:00

Wishing won't make it so, my friends;

no, I'm afraid that it simply won't.

Oh dear, they're at it again. Perhaps I'm getting an inkling of what our infamous, erstwhile Vice President experience when he felt compelled to upbraid those "nattering nabobs of negativism" in his famous address.

Would that it were as simple as combating a bevy of journalists on jeremiads – alas, it's far worse than that. Once again the “trades” are full of excoria, purporting to be expert advice regarding the practice of marketing and maintaining brands – and these by self-proclaimed practitioners of the craft.

And what [dare we wonder?] do these “experts” prescribe? Nothing less than the death of brands as we have come to know them. Yes, these experts resemble no one more than the fabled Dr. Kevorkian of suicide machine fame. As an aside, one wonders – where is the good doctor these days, in prison? Writing a book on marketing? The mind fairly boggles, no?

“Surely you exaggerate!” I hear you cry, and perhaps I do – but I very much doubt it; for once again the siren call of “Your Brands are what everyone else says they are” is heard throughout the land. Yes, and your résumé means precisely what I think it means, and not what you had intended, right?

And so it goes.

When will we get past this cult of the mediocritocracy? Perhaps this all goes back the Jean Paul Sartre and his French existentialist ilk. The whole idea that “you are who others think you are” seems to be the basis for today's rampant brand surrenders.

One must assume that they've missed the basic point of Sartre's play, Huis Clos (or No Exit, to you and me!), which was that Hell is Other People.

If we let our brands be defined by “other people,” we've consigned them [and ourselves!] to Marketing Hell. Hardly the stuff of which dreams are made, let alone profits.

All the while this drivel [yes, drivel!] is being promulgated, we also receive information that strong corporate brands continue to grow – despite the economic downturn. Clearly, a fickle, shifting public defining of these brands is no-where to be seen – growing brands are strong because they're nurtured by wise marketing professionals, not by being blown thither and yon by the vagaries of public opinion.

In a related blast of cognitive dissonance (if you'll pardon the “technical” term!), I read that there are now more Americans making their respective livings as professional bloggers (?!) than there are fire-fighters or even computer programmers [sadly, there are still more lawyers than bloggers].

“Where's the dissonance?” you ask. Well, just as my mind was being boggled by reading this statistic, I discovered that one of my three favorite bloggers is hanging up his keyboard, as it were.

Whenever I wanted to catch up on the goings on in the “Motor” City [that's Detroit to you and me!], I would steer my trusty browser straight to the Detroit Media Guy blog on the internet. Seldom [if ever!] would I be disappointed by the posts and the comments. Yes, it's quite a testament to the readership that DMG (as his cyber-friends seemed to call him quite regularly) was able to attract that the comments to his musings and postings were often as well-written (and as well read!) as those posts themselves.

Perhaps it's time for a mini-series of newsletters covering my favorite bloggers – before they're all victims of bit-rot or right-sizing – or perhaps not.

It might be instructive to gather a list of your favorites and mine, so that we all might share in the cyber-bounty of thoughts and counter-arguments that make up the blogosphere [and no, Jody, that as nothing to do with that rascally erstwhile Governor of Illinois!].

As a start, my top three, in no particular order (thank you, Tom Bergeron!) are:

Detroit Media Guy,
Random Rantings, and
The Lonely CEO

[feel free to follow the links cleverly embedded in the preceding text to sample these fabulous blogs!].

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC look forward to compiling and disseminating a list of our joint favorites in the weeks to come.

Excelsior! and RIP DMG.

Last time, Jay wrote about the death of newspapers and paper routes:
R. Scott "Randy" Hearst responded:
"Jay, you've either got your tongue stuck in your cheek, or you're woefully ignorant of the real workings of the paper-delivery system in this great nation of ours.
I notice that you don't distribute a printed version of your newsletter, so you don't have to deal with finding a stable of stinky young brats with bicycles to pedal through urbia and suburbia delivering the sweat of your brow - now firmly printed on pulp. If you had ever had to substitute at 4AM in the cold for some rotten brat just because he had strep throat or pneumonia, you wouldn't ..."

I'm going to stop you right there, "Randy," before it gets too personal. Once you've calmed down a bit, I'd appreciate a less deprecating and more thoughtful commentary. Any chance of that?

-- Jay

The Demise of News[papers]?

2009-03-27T16:14:00.007-04:00

Beaten to a Pulp? What will fishmongers and bird owners do?

Denver, Seattle, Detroit … the itinerary of death for pulp nonfiction wends its way across our land. While our sub-head [please pardon the technical term, won't you?] may seem a bit frivolous [but clever!], the topic most certainly is not.

Most articles – or screeds, if you will – which one reads on this topic are predictable in their tone and focus. “Oh, dear,” moans the editorialist, “American civilization is doomed to collapse as precipitously as the circulation of [insert major metropolitan newspaper here]! If citizens don't read newspapers, they'll vote for the politician with the whitest teeth or cleanest collar. Without the journalistic class to protect the masses, they'll follow someone else's lead instead.

This musing is different. Frankly, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC don't see that the journalistic class has done all that much good for us as a nation [especially lately!], nor that it's necessarily a bad thing to give someone else a turn at leading the gullible to the public trough to be fattened for slaughter and exploitation. Well, granted that is necessarily a bad thing, but not necessarily a worse thing.

At any rate, this musing is different, in that it purports to concern itself with the long-term effects of this sea-change in information distribution modes on more important matters – marketing and advertising. Think about it; how many of us grew up as workers and entrepreneurs by starting with the [no longer, alas] ubiquitous paper route as a first job? The virtual overflow of our in-box here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC is largely due to a plethora of messages on just the topic broached above – where will decent employees be found in the future, when there are no newspaper delivery routes to hone their sense of responsibility?

Sadly, the answer seems to be: “Sorry, haven't a clue, please move on to the next topic.” Of course, that's only the first brush at an answer, but it seems to be held quite nearly universally. It has been estimated elsewhere that of the [nearly!] 10% unemployment we see in these United States, somewhere between 3 and 7 points are directly attributable to employers hesitation to hire new workers who are seen as potential slackers at best, and certain dead-beat lay-abouts at worst.

Of course, the Mumbai Times [or whatever the Bombay Post is now called – why do these cities keep changing their names? I still want to visit Constantinople, my friends, but I'm thwarted at every turn.] simply couldn't have employed the teeming multitudes of that fabled metropolis in its delivery ranks, and companies here are discovering that a slacker in Mumbai, India is not really much less expensive than one in, say, Merchantville, New Jersey – and the phone charges are actually [generally!] much lower when employing the domestic variety.

"Well and good," I hear you moan, "but what does this all mean for me as a marketer or advertiser?" and well you should ask that. Consider this thought experiment, won't you?

Newsprint, the "paper" part of these news-papers, is a renewable resource, admirably administered by our friends in the timber and pulp-wood industries. Should the need for said product "dry up" or decline, there will be fewer of those rugged lumber-jacks chopping down trees and eating their respective lunches.
Next, and perhaps more importantly, there will be less "virgin" [pardon the expression] newsprint available for recycling.
"Get on with it, Jay!" you say, and so I shall - but be warned, this next bit is hardly for the squeamish among you.
With less fresh paper available to be put into recycled paper and cardboard for packaging, our clients and marketing partners will find it more and more difficult to – truthfully – label their packaging as being comprised of large percentages of post-consumer recycled products.
Frighteningly, just at the juncture where it is essentially essential to be seen as "green" or Earth "friendly" by the consumer, their own changing habits will stick a monkey-wrench, wooden-shoe-like, into the very mechanism to which they have sent us.

Well, I'm sure that having read the foregoing, each of you, dear readers, has reached the inevitable conclusion that our own employees will hate us for refusing to be "green" by using recycled paper products, the raw materials of which they have refused to supply by refusing to read newspapers. Of course, these very employees, having missed out on the training and in-doctrination normally supplied by working a paper route, will drag our companies' productivity down to the levels of those in Hungary, Canada, and other third-world nations.

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not optimists, but soon we may be nothing.

Your comments and commiseration are welcome, as always.

Last time, Jay wrote about entertaining clients and subtance abuse:
Bill Wilson responded:
"Jay, I think your thumbnail hits this picture right between the eyes. I remember when I started in advertising, and it was nothing for us to down three or four cocktails before lunch, and then have a few more when we got to the restaurant. Of course, it didn't really affect the work we did, nor do I think I have a problem with ..."

Bill, I think it's time to move out of Egypt, and away from de-nial, my friend. Please, seek competent help while you can still count to twelve!

-- Jay

Entertaining Clients

2009-02-12T17:37:00.001-05:00

Are there lines which one ought not to cross?
Some pit-falls and prat-falls of T&E

We were having lunch at Michael's a week or so ago. I believe I saw Jack Myers there with an attractive woman who must have some position in an up-and-coming, off-the-wall new media company.
"Aren't you having a drink today, Jay? Are you feeling OK?" queried my guest.
"Yes, I'm feeling fine, thanks, but no, I'm not drinking today. This is my way of showing solidarity and lending some moral support to my erstwhile partner, Pat."

Some background may be in order here. What a long, strange trip it's been....
Perhaps I ought not to have been surprised, but I must admit that I was completely gob-smacked when I received the call from Dr. Rodney.
The good doctor was calling from the Casper-Harvey Clinic to tell me that Pat had “checked himself in” for treatment.
After hanging up – and informing certain of the staff here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC – I had a long conversation with Morgan and Jody about the dangers of our way of life – viz. how entertaining clients can be a quick road to liver damage and other problems. Morgan – perspicacious as ever – opined that this might help to explain Pat's behavior back when he had announced my death to the readership of this newsletter and blog. I have a feeling that Morgan is correct.
In fact, I have been out in the great (!) Pacific Northwest® these past two months, lending to Pat what support I could in his efforts to de-tox his body and to re-start his life.
At first, I was almost more concerned for myself than for Pat, as I – for perhaps the first time! - noted just how much of the distiller's art I routinely quaff. Still, as the weeks went by, and I began sleeping more soundly than I had in years, I found myself almost thanking Pat for his “fall” from grace - as it were! - which showed me just how closely behind him I was poised (metaphorically speaking, in the main).

But ... back to my lunch at Michael's. My co-diner [but not co-winer!] was somewhat non-plussed at the fact that I was forgoing the traditional adult beverage. While not nearly as prevalent as it once was [alas, the days pass much too quickly], the consumption of alcoholic beverages as part of the business T&E tango goes on a-pace.
One wonders if there will ever come a time when the after-lunch brandy, the "House Chardonnay" with the entrée, or the pint of Guinness [for strength!] with a plate of fish and chips will be as unwelcome in polite society as is the Camel "straight" or the post-meal cigar in this day and age. I - for one! - dread any such developments as not only counter-productive, but also de-civilizing.

Still, I come back to that scene where I had to fess-up, as it were, to the fact that I was drying out in order to show support for a friend who was also being dessicated - and this for his own good, mind you.
There really isn't much more to put in this issue of our once-regular newsletter apart from this: We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC look forward - and most eagerly, let me assure you - to hearing your thoughts on this topic. Is there really a new era about to dawn on the consciousnesses of this generation of marketing professionals? What will a fully tea-totalling workforce mean to productivity measures? What of the workers at the breweries, distilleries, and wineries of this fine nation [and beyond!]? Think of the children! When will they learn the difference between an ale and a lager, a Pinot Noir and a Shiraz, or a true Bourbon and simple Tennessee sippin' whiskey?

We anxiously await your replies.

Last time, Jay wrote about long-distance relationships:
John Dvorak responded:
"I've been a true road warrior for as long as the term has meant something other than a wrestler or Mel Gibson wannabe, and let me tell you one thing. My relationships have been just as satisfying from a distance as they are up close In fact...."

Let me stop you there, John, before you reveal more than you perhaps truly intended.
As you may be able to discern from this issue's text, things are going, while not swimmingly, at least they are going.

-- Jay

More Bad News for Micro-Soft?

2009-02-09T15:56:00.003-05:00

Yes, it looks as though Steve "Monkey Dance" Ballmer has once again flubbed the only opportunity he has to be a significant mover and or shaker in the world of high technology - viz that he was not included in the cast of the upcoming eighth fabulous season of Dancing With the Stars.

To make matters worse - if that were possible! - co-founder of arch-nemesis Apple, Steve Wozniak is the sole representative of geekdom on the program. One imagines this may be a chance for Apple to segue from Jobs to Woz, should the health of the former not improve adequately.

As before, please remember that you read all this here first!

Sad News from the World of Television

2008-12-08T10:51:00.002-05:00

Perhaps you recall a reader's comment from back in April (the issue of April 28, in fact):

Last time, Jay wrote about amateur hubris:
Ima W. Esome responded:
"I don't know where you come off saying that my public access show isn't as good as Mad TV! You've probably never even seen my brilliant impersonations of Beverly Garland or Alice Ghostley...."

I think someone's pulling my leg here. Still, you didn't make any good points, and there's no point in annoying the host.
-- Jay

Well, the sad news has just come over the wire, as it were, that that fabulous actress and screamer, Beverly Garland, has passed away. sic transit gloria mundi, sic indeed.

Jay.

A Delicious Irony?

2008-11-20T09:29:00.001-05:00

Has anyone ever heard of a long-distance, East-West Relationship that succeeded?

Now they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder
And that tears are only rain to make love grow
Well my love for you could never grow no stronger
If I lived to be a hundred years old

Words never rang so true as when the late, great Roy Orbison crooned those heart-rending lines to all of us, lo these many years ago. Little did I know then, that one day I might live those words that once seemed just so much philosophy and wisdom, but now seem to be life itself.
I'm sure that you, my regular readers, clients, and friends, will be a tad surprised to find out that Pat has contacted me once again. Shocked is more descriptive of my initial reaction, you may be assured - shocked indeed.

Yes, absence does seem to make the heart grow fonder, or so I'm coming to believe, albeit somewhat reluctantly. What with my frequent trips across the country to participate in bi-athlons, pent-athlons, and extreme rock crawling, I've found that the offices here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC, humble though they be, are a welcome haven when at last I return home.
Somewhat similar feelings seem to be starting around other areas, and regarding other people as well. I can but imagine your surprise as you read the words I am about to type, but imagine (if you can!) my own surprise at being able to type them: Pat may be back in my life.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this yet, but we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC do nothing if not drop grudges as events make evident that they ought to be dropped - and events seem to be conspiring to indicate just that.
No, Pat's not been re-hired, not by a long-shot! In fact, Pat's relocated to the West Coast, pursuing a life-long dream to get into screen-writing and other creative endeavors. Rather than allowing our former relationship to recede along the banks of Lethe, the added distance seems to have, as the song-writer would have it, made the heart grow fonder. Whether anything will come of this, only time will tell, of course. Still, I'm hoping for some "pointers" or "guidelines" or other "advice" from my friends and readers. Can these long-distance relationships - crossing time zones! - ever really work?

As we head into the "holiday season" - with Thanksgiving hard upon us! - I'm sure many of our thoughts are turning to turkey (or tofurkey if one is so inclined), pumpkin pie, and football. Well, my thoughts are more likely to be turning back - recalling days reclining in front of the fire on a bearskin rug with a loved one. Perhaps my thoughts are turning to mush, but perhaps that's where they really have always belonged!?

At any rate, more marketing musings coming soon, and thanks for being there for me.

Last time, Jay wrote about returning home from China and granting a paladin's wish:
Holger Dansk responded:
"Allowing a commie un-civil servant to take your sword away makes me wonder how much you really know about paladins and such, Jay. I know I would never have suffered such indignity without at least threatening mayhem or worse..."

Ah, Holger, my friend, if only it were so simple. I fear that a rapier is no shield against the machine guns the airport guards began wielding for the Olympic period. Still, I admire your spirit, and match it fully with my own - Excelsior!

-- Jay

Home At Last!

2008-09-22T15:23:00.002-04:00

And Jay Standish Inc. LLC becomes a veritable "Make A Wish" for a "Reader"

“At last!” I hear you cry, “At last Jay has returned and has issued another “newsletter” to help us better to serve our clients. Huzzah!” Well, perhaps I exaggerate a bit – perhaps a bit. At any rate, it is with no small amount of joy and gratitude that I type these words back here in these United States.

I don't want to make this newsletter any longer than necessary by reciting the story of how I came to be so long delayed – the full tale must await another issue. Suffice it to say that the “authorities” in Red China (yes indeed – they had this marketer seeing red!) did not look kindly on non-registered athletes arriving at their Olympic Games^TM, epée on hip. No, not kindly at all. Detaining me at the airport for days seemed to be nothing less than a pleasure to these “officials” who deemed me a threat to society – all the while ignoring the other travelers who were gleefully snapping photographs with their iPhones® and happily emailing them – and countless blog entries – back to civilization. Tell me (if you can!) which of us was more of a threat to the Chinese Way of Life (I believe the call is the Tao of Poo or something of that sort).

Needless to say, I eventually was allowed to return home, having missed not only the entire Olympic Games^TM, but also the entire Special Olympics® as well. Perturbed, but in no wise chastened (!), I was at last able to return to my office here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC and attempt to pick up my communications threads and my life.

Imagine, if you will, the amount of email correspondence awaiting my attention upon my return from Peking. Sadly (and many of you may have already anticipated this!) only a very small percentage of that volume was actual, useful correspondence. The vast preponderance was notifications, invitations, and updates from my "friends" in various "social" networks.
I have become convinced that SNA (Social Networking Abuse) is a major threat to the productivity of the American Economy. Think of the hours you have spent opening and deleting copies of the latest mass email (countless copies of which have been forwarded to you by countless contacts!) proclaiming the "Nearest Approach of Jupiter to Earth in Nearly a Month!" or "Missing Child Found Eating Own Foot to Survive in Densely-Wooded Valley" or "Russian Women Want to be Your Wives" or any of a number of such missives and pitches. Clearly something must be done or we'll find ourselves unable to sift the “wheat” from the virtual chaff.

Enough of this “belly-aching” for the nonce – we will (most likely!) revisit this topic in a future newsletter, attempting to draw some marketing inferences from the sad state of the current social networking landscape. “Heart-warming” sounds so much better than “belly-aching” and it was just such a gem that I found amidst all the other offers, updates, and come-ons in my “in-box” upon my return. Let me share it with you:

Many of you, my long-term subscribers and readers, will no doubt remember the tale of our first (and only so far!) Marketing Paladin; viz. that his goal in life is to front a punk band. You will further recall, I trust, that I had put “Joe” in touch with Morgan and Shannon of the (sadly) now-defunct Celtic Punk band, Left Sister Down. Little did I know then, that said introduction would lead to one of those School of Rock© moments until Morgan passed on to me the picture embedded below in an email.

Apparently, “Joe” was in the area when Left Sister Down's final “gig” (that's what they call these jobs – I'm not making this up!) was announced. He put “two” and “two" together and got “for your last gig, wouldn't you like a guest vocalist on a tune or so?” And, in fact, they did! “Joe” was ecstatic, nearly needless to say, and Left Sister Down made it a memorable night for all involved.

Media reports, sketchy though they were, indicate that “Joe” made a somewhat creditable performance on two “covers” - “I Want To Be Your Dog” by Ignaz Popp and the Stooges, and “I Want to Riot” by Rancid. One critic noted,

“[“Joe”] seemed a bit ill-at-ease with the lyrics at first, but once the band found a groove to fit his, he sounded somewhat better. On the next tune - “I Wanna [sic!] Be Your Dog” - [“Joe”] really hit his stride, sounding angry, mournful, and canine all at once. In sum, not bad for an over-the-hill never-was, and it was nice of Left Sister Down to share their final spotlight with [“Joe”] - we might have witnessed the beginning of the Geezer Punk Revival there that night.”

As previously noted, the photograph above was supplied to me by Morgan, and depicts the members of Left Sister Down, along with sound-people, roadies, hangers-on, and (at the far right!) our friend “Joe” after the “gig” had ended and the “crowd” had dispersed.

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are proud to have been able to be a part of fulfilling the dreams of one of our colleagues – well done, “Joe,” well done indeed!

Excelsior!

Jay Standish,

Jay Standish, Inc. LLC

Last time, Jay wrote about his produced but not sold reality series:
Henry Weed responded:
"That's one of the big problems with independently produced programs - you never know if there's really an outlet for what you're making...."

Thanks for your comments, Henry (may I call you Hank?), but it's not so much that there was no outlet, but rather that I was hood-winked out of the time needed to assure placement of this spectacular on the proper outlet by my former partner, Pat (who's been sacked!).

Excelsior anyway!
-- Jay

A Double Apology Is Now Necessary!

2008-08-07T13:12:00.006-04:00

Make that a "triple" apology now, as we seem inadvertently to have (once again!) disallowed commenting on this posting. It would appear we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC need an update to our quality controls or other process improvement in order to avoid such "blunders" and "mistakes" in the future!

Those of you who receive our newsletters may well have noticed the strange title of the latest issue. In fact, that was, in fact, the place-holder used in the "template" which Kim (from our IT group) had created for me. I was simply in too big a rush to return to my negotiations which are discussed below. The double apology mentioned above is accounted for with this one, along with the one in the next paragraph.

First off, and from the very beginning, I wish to apologize for my long absence from the issuance of our regular (?) newsletters.

While we've never made any pretense of having a "hard" or "rigid" publishing schedule, we've tried to keep the ideas and thought provocation flowing more steadily than we have in recent weeks.

Not an excuse, but an explanation, is (perhaps!) in order.

As most of you are likely aware, the 2008 Olympics® are about to begin in Beijing (or Peking as it's more commonly known - the Istanbul of the Far East, as it were). As most of you are also likely aware, I was a participant in a "reality" show which had as its working title, "Who wants to be a Pent-Athlete?" Said show was clearly a natural for an Olympic® tie-in, and as such was it purveyed to varied "media" outlets.

In fact, until just this past week (or so!), I worked under the understanding that this "show" was to be broadcast by one of the ESPN affiliated networks - and this under a strict non-disclosure agreement; one which would not even allow me to tell my closest friends and / or confidantes of this scheduled "airing" until the first promotional announcement had aired.

Perhaps I should have realized long ago (perhaps? I think that "clearly" or "obviously" might be more appropriate here - read on!) that there was a problem - or a monkey wrench - in the works.

The ESPN family of networks had been shut out of Olympic® coverage yet again, but hankered (isn't that a delightful word?) after some related programming. While I was away participating in the reality program, my erstwhile partner, Pat (who has since been sacked!) was negotiating network carriage of this speculative production. Imagine my surprise in recent days when I discovered that Pat had produced an agreement for the program to air on ESPN 8 [affectionately known as "the Ocho" for some reason] - the which network doesn't actually exist! It seems to be a network name used only in accounts of fictional sporting events. Pat has once again nearly shattered my dreams (but I mustn't obsess).

Accordingly, I have been away these past many days working to find a distributor; thus far with no luck.

Normally, we would hope (and expect!) to be carried on the fine Bravo network, but they're already chock-a-block full with actual Olympic® coverage.

Still, Semper Spero^TM is but one of our many "mottoes" and "catch-phrases" here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC, and we try to live by each of them every day. (Yes, "I mustn't obsess" is another of them, if you must ask.) Accordingly, I shall now return to my efforts to place this fabulous program on a broadcast (or cable!) outlet, in order that the amazing trials and camaraderie inherent in all reality programming might be viewed by as many potential consumers as possible.

Should I be unsuccessful in gaining an outlet in time for the originally anticipated "tie-in" with the Olympics®, I hope to find a distributor for a "direct to DVD" (and Blu-ray!) edition.

Until then, I fear I must leave you with no special marketing insight other than this - never sign a contract without knowing whether the other party (or parties!) actually exist. The embarrassment, angst, and extra work you save may be your own!

Last time, Jay wrote about a Marketing Paladin:
S.M.F. responded:
"Jay, that guy might sound like just a cutup, but I've worked with him (I'm pretty sure I know who "Joe" actually is), and while he likes a good jest now and then, he's one of the hardest working men in the business. In fact, I'd be proud to have him recommend me to prospective employers..."

Well, S.M.F. (that really is the only "name" we got on this note), I'm glad to see you realize the importance of the opinions and recommendations of such as our first Marketing Paladin. Best of luck in your career, and do keep in touch.

-- Jay

Marketing Paladins RoundTable

2008-07-15T12:26:00.003-04:00

My apologies to King Arthur, and to

Charlemagne, too, for that matter!

As my long-time readers (and friends!) know well, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not inveterate travelers. We try each year to manage a grand tour of these United States - and sometimes our friendly Provincial friends to the North (eh?) - meet-ing, greet-ing, and seminar-ing our way hither, thither, and yon.
On one of my recent gala-vants, I was able to sit down with some of the finest minds in marketing and advertising. Sadly, it was not an actual RoundTable as our title indicates, but rather a series of conversations in a series of venues (most of them at Red Roof Inns - many having both indoor pools and free in-room Wi-Fi!).

As my most recent missive may have made clear, I (along with most of my bi-athlete prep-school chums!) have long had a fondness for military strategy, history, and so forth - not that I'm the model of a modern major general, by any means! Nonetheless, among the tomes over which we would pore in those days (and nights!) were the recountings of the exploits of the knights of King Arthur's Round Table (there was surprisingly little mention of flour or other wheat-like products, but I digress) and those of the Paladins (though not the one from San Francisco, I fear!) of the court of Charlemagne.
Granted that these were distinct groups, operating in different regions and at different times, I was drawn to the camaraderie and bonhomie evidenced in both groups of men. Accordingly, when I find fellow professionals who seem to embody the absolute best of the marketing (and advertising!) field, I have come to dub them the Paladins of Marketing, or Marketing Paladins. I imagine them sitting around the RoundTable, discussing at length, and with great vim and vigor, the most important topics and disputations of the day.
Thus, when I have the chance to sit down with one of these modern day Marketing Paladins, I feel it's a chance I must take - and a record must be made.
This, then, is the first in an occasional sub-series of newsletters which will grant you, the reader, an insider's look at the workings of some of the finest minds I know. This first installment is the record of a conversation I had with one of my good friends, and one of the earliest supporters of our full-motion-video-equipped beverage vending machines (sadly, our business deal was never - quite - consummated).

"Joe" did ask that I disguise his identity, as there was some chance of his leaving his then-current employment in a simply peachy Southeastern metropolis and heading for dryer climes out West. I have endeavored to keep his identity somewhat hidden - not least by slightly editing (or even leaving out!) the answers to some of the more personally-identifying questions, and by employing that in-famous "blue" oval. Still, I believe that all and sundry of our readers will find "Joe's" thoughts both enlightening and refreshing. [In case you're wondering, "Joe" may (or may not!) be a pseudo-nym or "nom de guerre" for my actual interviewee - but I'll have to keep you wondering! Yoiks!]

Jay: What's the most important thing you've learned about advertising?
"Joe:" The ability to deal with change isn't good enough. You must have a passion to drive change.

Jay: Is there any food that helps you think more creatively?
"Joe:" To what food group does a cigar belong?

Jay: If you had to live on a desert island, what would you miss most?
"Joe:" How about some more details? Does the island have a golf course?

Jay: What got you into this business in the first place?
"Joe:" I was a pre-med refugee who stumbled into a marketing major. I really enjoyed my advertising classes (both of them!) and had a portfolio, comprised of the best of my college art courses. Looking back on it, it's a wonder why anyone hired me after they saw it.

Jay: Who was a big influence in your career?
"Joe:" I was fortunate to have several mentors during my career. They taught me media's technical skills, how to manage and inspire people, and how to have fun along the way.

Jay: What was "your finest moment," the thing of which you're most proud?
"Joe:" I'm proudest when someone I taught along the way has become successful in their ad career.

Jay: Do you have a method for coming up with ideas and solutions for clients?
"Joe:" Get to know a client's business, then, get to know their customer. Not just who they are, but how they live, act and think. I want to understand all of the rational and emotional factors in their purchase decision process.

Jay: What talent do you wish you had?
"Joe:" To write music and carry a tune. Not a perfect note, just one good enough so I could be the lead singer in a punk band. [note: At this point, I was pleased to introduce "Joe" to my associates, Morgan and Shannon, who were two of the members of the (sadly) now-defunct Celtic-Punk band, Left Sister Down. It seems nothing ever came of that meeting.]

Jay: What makes a great brand?
"Joe:" The ability to listen to their customers, then adjust to those customer needs. The great brands will continue to have relevance and give value to their customers.

Jay: What was your most embarrassing moment in this business?
"Joe:" Back in the polyester days, I had a pair of pants literally fall apart at the seams in the office. I learned a real life lesson on the value of quality that day.

Jay: What are your plans after advertising?
"Joe:" Lots of travel. With golf clubs.

Jay: What's your favorite sports team?
"Joe:" Anything [hometown]...[NBA Team], [NHL Team], [MLB Team] and yes...even the [NFL Team].

Jay: What frustrates you the most?
"Joe:" Negativism. I want to beat bloody hell out of people who aren't positive. @ssholes. [sic]

Jay: Do you have any pets?
"Joe:" No pets. I have a tough enough time making sure that [my boss] goes on the papers.

Jay: What was growing up like for you?
"Joe:" I grew up with [Y] brothers, [X] sisters and a whole gang of kids on a playground in a small [Midwestern] town. Every day was a blast!

So there you have it. The first full download of a wide-ranging and stimulating conversation with one of my Marketing Paladins sitting with me at the RoundTable.

Last time, Jay wrote about combining skill sets in unorthodox fashion:
Holger Hesten responded:
"Jay, I felt I was really a part of your chess boxing match as I read your newsletter. I still don't see how it helps me as a marketer, though. Of course, there are plenty of times I'd love to grab a client and punch him silly...."

Hold on there, Holger! There was no call to arms meant to be included in my last missive! Rather, it serves (or should!) as a reminder that we often have skills which are apparent only in our avocations which can be of great use in our true vocations (or callings!). That's how it should help you as a marketer. Should you desire further guidance, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC stand ready to help.

Excelsior!

-- Jay

I Hope You'll Indulge Me

2008-06-26T15:56:00.002-04:00

I believe you'll enjoy this excursion into the past, leading to the future of marketing!
I've been reading quite a few marketing and advertising articles recently which use boxing as a metaphor for our work. One such exhorts us to take the advice of (the mythical!) Rocky Balboa's (also mythical!) trainer – played by the delightfully loopy Burgess Meredith, whom I loved as the Penguin on the Batman television program, but I digress – when the told Rocky to learn to “eat lightning and crap thunder,” if you'll pardon the imagery.

Another posited the wisdom of Angelo Dundee, who adapted his training to the style of his charge, Muhammed Ali (perhaps you remember him as Cassius Clay?), saying “when you get a short guy, make him shorter. When you get a tall guy, make him taller.” Words to live by, I believe, unless your name is Procrustes, and you're a bed salesman – but again I digress.

Although a life-long athlete myself, I've only once been even tangentially involved in boxing, or the “sweet science” as it is sometimes named (that's pugilism to us here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC!).

I hope you'll all indulge me as I fade once more back to my prep school days. My bi-athlon team held practices out in the woods behind the athletic building, where stray shots and scattered casings were less likely to cause any trouble for our athletic brethren (and our sistern, as St. George's had gone "co-ed" some time before). Our return path to “the showers” took us past the gymnasium where the boxers plied their trade, and just short of the meeting room of the chess team.

Oddly (at least it seemed so to us at the time), both of these groups looked down on the various prowesses of those of us on the bi-athlon team. The boxers looked at us as wimps and “poseurs” (although I don't think a single one of them could have pronounced that word properly, let alone spelled it!), while the chess team thought of us as “jocks” or worse (whatever that might have been).

One of my team-mates, Al Bester (you may have heard of his Canadian cousin, Myriam Bédard who actually won Olympic bi-athlon medals!), came up with a spectacular thought – viz. we would challenge the combined chess and boxing teams to a chess-boxing match. Naturally, chess-boxing is a relatively unknown sport, as it has only been mounted the one time (to our knowledge!), and the expected winners are none too eager to repeat the drubbing they took at our hands (and minds!). But I'm getting ahead of myself.

As I was recounting, Al Bester conceived of the chess-boxing match, and even created the rules. This was much like the Wizard Chess^TM many of you are likely to have seen in the fairly popular line of films about a wizard named Harry Potter®. The main differences were that rather than using magic to move large pieces around, students stood on the “board” and punched one another silly to gain access to the desired square, and that we split the boxing team between the chess team and ourselves (we being the bi-athlon team, just trying to keep things clear!) to be the pieces for the two sides.

The chess-ters and their coach, Mr. Rybak, thought themselves possessed of a great advantage, conceiving themselves to be masters of the tessellated square, while Mr. Giordano, the boxing coach, looked on the match as a spectacular opportunity to find out which of his pugilists were “sand-baggin” as he called it. We looked at it as our chance to put all of them in their respective places.

Being skilled marksmen and skiers, we bi-athletes were naturally also interested in matters military, so the study of strategy and tactics (especially Greek!) was a bit of a hobby for many of us. We expected that these studies would translate themselves quite well into the world of chess-boxing – nor were we to be disappointed!

The day of the match arrived, cool and clear, with a hint of juniper and lilac on the breeze. As we set our “pieces” in place, a bit of a tussle broke out among the chess-ters' boxers, as they argued about who would be king and who the queen. We had no such troubles with our “men,” having chosen wisely with just this potentiality in mind. Our own bi-athlon coach, Mr. Gunderson, wished us well, and repaired to the stands to watch the expected carnage. It was only the briefest of intervals, a few moves on each side, before the fists were flying, and we had quickly relieved the chess-ters of the majority of their pawns.

In short order, our king's bishop and queen's knight were threatening the opposing king – who escaped by means of a queen-side castling manoeuvre (precisely the move for which we had hoped!). In a trice, our king's knight had crashed over the last pawns and cold-cocked the opposing king. Victory was ours, and none had ever tasted sweeter.

“Well and good, but so what?” I hear you cry, and I can but agree. It was well done and a good lesson to us all; but what can we take from this to apply to our marketing lives?

Simply this – while our marketing opponents (c.f. our competitors and their products) may have mastery of particular fields or skills which seem to give them the advantage over us with the customer, there will always be a combination of skills which we can bring to bear which said competitors not only cannot match, but perforce cannot withstand.

The sight of the opposing “king” lying on his back, bloody-nosed and glassy-eyed should be an inspiration to all and sundry. I know that it is to those of us here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC, and we stand ready and able to help each of our friends and clients discover and develop those "combinations" which will lead to your very own marketing triumphs!

Last time, Jay wrote about "offensive" marketing:
Marian Kirby responded:
"Jay, I think you hit the nail right on the head with your column about bad taste. I can't tell you how often I'm embarrassed to watch TV with my son - all because of commercials for various hygiene and health products. "Mom, what's feminine itching?" or "Mom, what's erectile dysfunction?" I don't know what they're teaching nowadays, but he sure isn't learning this stuff at the junior college...."

Marian -
Thanks for the kind words. Perhaps it's time for your "tyke" to be out on his own? I believe I learned most of these things on the street corner, and look where it's gotten me!

Excelsior!

-- Jay

Pushing Past Propriety

2008-05-29T16:56:00.002-04:00

Some marketers go far beyond the bounds of good taste - does it matter?
In this day and age of boundary pushing (if, indeed, any boundaries any longer exist to be pushed or crossed!), it is not terribly unusual to find "viral" advertising efforts being released into the wild as it were, with little (if any!) regard for the effects they might have on the health and image of the brand being "touted" or otherwise portrayed.

Is this wise? Is this prudent?

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have undertaken a weeks-long foray into the heart of darkness to investigate - and to answer! - those very queries.

For the purposes of this newsletter, we shall limit ourselves to a single instance of this phenomenon.

Perhaps you've heard of Belgium? It's a smallish country located in Europe in the general vicinity of France (and Germany!). Despite its somewhat nondescript nature and near-anonymity, Belgium is the source of much of the world's finest beers and chocolates (I can vouch for the former from personal experience, and Francis in our comestibles practice assures me that the latter is no less true!).

¡¡Good Taste Threshold Warning!!
potentially-distressing details below

In addition to these two products (and perhaps in part due to the former!), this nation has created a new promotional opportunity - a cross between a urinal and a videogame. By directing one's "stream" onto strategically-placed sensor pads, one is able to interact with a game on a screen placed directly above the urinal-proper.

This cleverly named Place to Pee^TM is the brain-child (so to speak!) of a pair of Belgians (an electrical engineer and a software developer) who apparently thought that time spent at the wall was wasted when one could be playing video games at the same time. (Apparently they are still working out how to make it more "gender neutral" as the design is quite misogynistic to-date.)

"But what," you no doubt ask, "has this to do with marketers pushing the boundaries of taste?" Ah, let me explicate and so forth.

This Place to Pee^TM is meant as a promotional attraction to be set up at, for example, a product demonstration for a new vehicle. Suppose one were launching a new, high-performance vehicle, and suppose part of that launch activity to be a demonstration of that vehicle's capabilities at a some-what remote location. Part of the accoutrements of this demonstration would (no doubt!) be tasty beverages - likely of the non-alcoholic persuasion, given the whole drinking and driving thing. Still, even Pepsi® products or Iced Tea tend not to stay locked up forever (if you'll pardon the imagery), and having an entertaining way to relieve one's customers might be seen as a value-added proposition.

The question remains, however - how will this affect the brand perception? will there be a positive (or negative!) rub-off from the recreational micturating?

Our research indicates that the amount, and direction, of brand association varies with both age and sex. Young men tend to see this as "cool" and "hip" and "with it," while older women tend to see it as "vulgar" or "disgusting." Those between these two poles tend to have reactions between the poles as well.

So, returning to our hypothetical product demonstration, the appropriateness of this kind of value-add seems to be based mainly on the target audience of the marketer's product. Were this a family vehicle (e.g. a mini-van or other station-wagon-esque vehicle) with a significant appeal to families and women, the risk would seem far too high, while in the case of a lower-priced, two-seat sporty car aimed at young men, there might be no problem at all.

This all stands (no pun intended!) in stark contrast to a smoothly rendered full-motion video (with stereophonic sound-track accompaniment!) playing on a CoollMisst^TM equipped beverage dispenser. Without being too self-serving (at any rate, attempting to avoid such appearance!), we also would like to pass on the fact that our research indicates that all ages, sexes, and ethnicities are equally receptive to such a machine and such an exposure.

As with all marketing quandaries and conundra, the wise seller will consult a professional before beginning any program. We await your comments (and enquiries!).

Last time, Jay wrote about the wisdom of playing tricks on one's customers:
George Parker responded:
"Not only are you one of the dumbest @$$#013$ I've ever seen, if a company played a trick on me I'd either congratulate them or tell them to go f..."

George, you seem to have a little trouble expressing yourself in the Queen's own English. Calm down, take a few deep breaths, and try again when your vocabulary returns.

-- Jay

Once again - a persipcacious prognostication!

2008-05-05T10:20:00.004-04:00

As noted in a previous post here on my "blog" (viz: here), Messrs. Ballmer et al. have been shown the door by that feisty Yahoo! board of directors.

Had Steve been able to demonstrate his "monkey dance" chops (as it were!) on this season's "Dancing With the Stars" on ABC, there might have been a chance for Micro$oft to purchase Yahoo! - as it is, he's likely doomed to watch his company dwindle and fade on his watch.

Yahoo! in the mean-time, seems poised to join forces with one or another of the various "internet" colossi (perhaps AOL? perhaps Murdoch? perhaps yet another?) and become a stronger competitor for those irksome fellows at Google (I'm still smarting over that Mars prank, but I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough).

Recommended reading for Mr. Ballmer - the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire: fascinating!

Excelsior!

Pranks, Gags, and Other Such Tom-Foolery

2008-04-28T09:42:00.004-04:00

Is it ever "O.K." to fool one's customers?

Well, well, well. It appears that the lads at Google® have colored me Tom. Their April Fool's Day announcement of an expedition to Mars caught me and took me in, both hook, line, and sinker (as it were!). Perhaps you saw my entry on my "blog" on the internet regarding my expected departure for the "red" planet . (Please note that I have left that entry there as a testament to our open-book policy here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC.) The only defense I can offer is that I came across it on April 3rd, and was (justifiably!) no longer in "that's an April Fool's Gag" mode. Ah well.
Still, one wonders (or at least one ought to wonder) about the long term (or shorter!) effects that such pranks, gags, and tom-foolery may have on the brand under whose rubric they are perpetrated. (viz - might I now use Yahoo!® whenever I google something on the internet, being reminded of my folly each time I see that multi-hued Google® logo?)

Pranks and Gags have been the topic of conversation here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC over the last fortnight or so, largely due to my having been taken-in by the “Virgle” announcement, and my associates' glee at seeing one usually so perspicacious falling victim to what ought, in their view, to have been a fairly obvious prank. Sam opined that, as humor is often based on an unexpected outcome to a seemingly simple narrative, corporate pranks and gags might well be considered simply having a joke with one's customers.

While I see the appeal of that line of logic, I couldn't help thinking of some of my favorite old comedy films – viz. The Three Stooges, and their hilarious blend of slapstick and political pastiche. In many of these, a seemingly innocent action ends up with someone's nose in a large pair of scissors, or a hot iron to the nether regions, or a saw “accidentally” shaving a reverse Mohawk^TM into someone's head, or ... well, I'm sure you get the picture. I believe, however, that it was the staff's general reaction to an accidental meeting with a banana peel on the lunch-room floor that brought Sam to my line of thinking. To wit: “Pranking your customer is generally not a good idea.”

Consider this “thought experiment” (or Gedankenexperiment, as Hans Christian Ørsted might have said) in this regard. Your consumer durable goods firm has completed a contract to subsidize the mortgage payments of consumers who agree to buy a certain number of your appliances over a five-year period. In the first of these appliances (perhaps a new top-loading washing machine!), there is one of those great spring-loaded snakes that used to come in boxes so that when you open them it jumps out at you. This is all meant in good fun, as is only clear based on the coupon for 20% off the purchase of a package of a co-promoted laundry detergent attached to the hind-end of the snake.

Your new customer opens the washing machine (perhaps with a double arm-load of dirty clothes - or unmentionables!) only to have a huge snake leap out, trailing a 20%-off coupon for laundry detergent. There is little in the literature to suggest that you will now have made a customer for life – in fact, your legal department may find itself defending the no-cancellation clause of the mortgage subsidy contract!

No, my friends and readers, it seems clear that one ought never to fool one's customers, let alone Mother Nature!

In a belated nod to "Earth" Day, we ask you to enjoy another helping of Classic Jay, this time from April 20, 2007 -

Mother Nature Taking Over?
Is your marketing aligned with the seismic shift in consumer attitudes?

Who would have thought Home Depot® would be leading the way? Who indeed? Still, it comes as no surprise that there would be a savvy marketer ready to capitalize on the current greening of the world, does it?
Regular readers of this newsletter know that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not savvy, and with our commitment to various "out-of-doors" activities (including bi-athlon and rock racing!) we are also committed to maintaining an environment around us.
Lest the reader think this is nothing but pre-Earth Day pandering to the masses of environmental lobbyists, crack-pots, and ne'er do wells. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have put our collective money where my mouth is - so to speak! - and are working on making the space flights mentioned in last week's newsletter something more than a marketing boon-doggle. Indeed, Lee (from our R&D group) is hard at work (as are we all!) calculating the relative costs and benefits of carrying toxic and other forms of difficult-to-dispose-of wastes on these space flights - with the proposition being that said waste be dumped, not on the Earth, but rather tossed into decaying orbits around the Moon or (perhaps too ambitiously) the Sun itself.
Imagine, if you will, a next-generation Space Shuttle - in full NASA regalia - bedecked NASCAR-like with logos of sponsoring entities (perhaps your product? your clients' product?) along with a payload, also logo-bedecked, of dangerous waste products, bound for extra-Terrestrial disposal. Who might be interested in such a scheme? How about Waste Management®? How about the InSinkErator® folks? How about just about anyone wishing to make a statement that we know better than to mess up our own house? As they say, animals don't defecate where they habitate (a catchy rendition or that sentiment, don't you think?) - neither should people.
What marketer wants to be known as one who poisons his (or her!) own customers? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe the answer is clear and unambiguous: nobody we know!
Once Lee's work (along with the fabulous Jay Standish, Inc. LLC R&D staff) is done, we will be shopping around the first potential sponsorships of this concept. We're still working on names for this service, and we'd appreciate feed-back from our readers on these possibilities, as well as any suggestions you might care to make. Imagine seeing your own neo-logism boldly pasted on a proud (American!) spacecraft as it quivers with excitement on the launch pad in Florida, waiting for the thrust to send it hurtling into space - perhaps into Trans-Lunar Injection!
At any rate, our first list of rough possibilities await your comments:

Star Trash
Garbage to the Stars
Wasted Space
Take Out The Trash - Way Out!

Ad Astra Per Trashpera

Last time, Jay wrote about amateur hubris:
Ima W. Esome responded:
"I don't know where you come off saying that my public access show isn't as good as Mad TV! You've probably never even seen my brilliant impersonations of Beverly Garland or Alice Ghostley...."

I think someone's pulling my leg here. Still, you didn't make any good points, and there's no point in annoying the host.
-- Jay

Jay's going to Mars!

2008-04-03T15:52:00.005-04:00

Yes, friends, I've begun the arduous, yet no-doubt spectacularly rewarding trek toward becoming one of the first (as far as we know) Martians!
Perhaps you saw that Virgin and Google have teamed up for a project called Virgle which will send a "Noah's Ark" to Mars, hoping to create the first Open Source Planet.
When yours truly noticed the announcement, and the "on-line" application / quiz there was no time wasted. Streaking through the questionnaire as though my life depended upon it, I was gratified - nay, exultant - to find that not only was I perfect for the trip, they want me to submit a 30 second video via "You-Tube" which will explain to them precisely why I am totally indispensable to this effort.
I've got Sam in our production department working with me on the video, but I thought I'd ask you, my loyal readers (and confidantes!), to help out with your suggestions as well.
Accordingly, please leave your suggestions as comments relating to this "blog" post and we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC will read each and every one of them, appropriating the best thoughts and suggestions to our use, and thanking you most profusely as we make our way to Mars!

Should you wish to join me on this historic voyage, here is a "link" to the application
http://www.google.com/virgle/application.html

I hope to see many of you at the launch pad -
Excelsior!
Excelsior Indeed!

Why Bother with Professionals?

2008-03-12T12:06:00.002-04:00

If you're really asking that question,

you're likely wasting your brand's equity!

When I was in prep school, my friends and I had a "comedy" program on the school's TV system. It consisted, in large part, of recyclings of comedic "skits," routines, and other presentations we had encountered elsewhere, with the occasional (quite clever, as I recall) skewering of Mr. Faversham, the headmaster, or Mr. Tsoulakis, our beloved Physical Educator.

At the time, we considered that our program was as good as the commercial product being presented on the many broadcast and "cable" outlets then available, and that it was as worthy of wide exposure as any of them. Of course, we were wrong (apart from selected seasons of "SNL" and the entire run of the extremely un-funny and depressing - yet somehow critically acclaimed - "30 something").

I discovered that the professionals were better at their professions than we were: amateurs, pretenders, poseurs: audience members. Pace "You-Tube" and "Quarter-Life," that is still the case today; yet we find brand owners - marketing professionals - blathering after this fashion:

"We don't own the brand the way we used to; consumers own it. It's not about claims any more. Consumers don't want to be preached to. It's about a dialogue and discovery, giving people the chance to comment," says a director of communications for Ford of Canada who shall remain nameless.

Well, perhaps our brethren North of the Border have found a new reality ... or more likely they're practicing un-marketing through denial. Much as the "school" of literary analysis which says the author has no say in the meaning of his (or her!) work, this fellow is saying the brand has no right to decide just for what it will stand. One might as well give up and sell products in pure white packages with plain black typed labels and no logos. Then the consumer really would own the brand, eh? (That's a bit of Canadian humour!)

If the recent writers' strike (the results of which we are still suffering) taught us anything, it ought certainly to have driven home that little point - professionals are better at their professions than are amateurs. I'll admit it's not really a catchy phrase, but we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are working on a condensed, power-packed version (which we will release under a Creative Commons® license) which (it is to be dearly hoped!) will become the marketing mantra for upcoming generations of marketers.

Perhaps this whole thing is simply a reflection of a vastly under- rested American populace - including marketers! It may be a form of sleep-marketing where not only is the marketer asleep at the wheel (and let's hope those Canadian folks aren't Ice Truck Drivers from that fabulously exciting program!), but they are working to help the consumer get more rest. This by sponsoring the actual broadcast of "user generated content" to the general populace, content which is designed (unintentionally, no doubt!) to push the unwary viewer straight into the arms of Morpheus, as it were.

Perhaps ... but likely not. I fear this is but one more sign that the barbarians are at the gate, threatening us with bread and circuses, and calling us to eat the lotus with them in the land of the giants. But I seem to be mixing my metaphors - I think I'm just a bit tired.

Last time, Jay wrote about flavored magazine ads and scented delivery systems:
Thurman Haney responded:
"While I always thought Pebbles was cute - and she was really hot in that later spin-off - I was always concerned that Bambam never got any juice. It just bothered me, and my parents could never explain ...."

Oh dear, Thurman, I fear you're having what we in the psych biz call a "fugue" episode - where you can't tell reality from fiction, and animation from live action. I think a nice dose of Welch's Concord Grape Juice® - with all those lovely anti- oxidants - perhaps laced with a tad of lithium might be in order.

-- Jay

Now for a Tasty Treat!

2008-02-14T16:50:00.004-05:00

Magazines are barking up a dead tree -

but it's almost the right tree!

"Marketers Salivate Over Lickable Ads," and "Magazines Try Out Tasty Strategy" the headlines virtually screamed. And over what? simply the next step up from scent strips and scented ink and such: lickable taste strips pasted on the page.

In this case, the furore is over an ad for the Welch's Grape folks (ah, and how many of us still recall that precious cave-moppet, Pebbles Flintstone, asking for her "woo woo gay goo" each week?) granting the brave reader a chance to lick a strip which purportedly tastes like the legendary beverage itself. Quite an interesting proposition.

As scientific research has established, 87.4% of our experience of taste is actually accomplished through the sense of smell (olfactory, my dear Watson!). This means that the grape growers might have been better off providing consumers with a less potentially-unsanitary experience (what if it's already been licked? and by whom? what if Pat had ... no, I mustn't obsess ....) by providing scent-strips, or even Scratch 'n' Sniff® panels in the ads. Still, that's nothing new, and a goodly part of this campaign is its novelty - if only for the PR value.

Back, for a moment, to the scientific research. Recent studies tend to confirm the idea that most people hold their reading matter somewhat farther away than the tip of their noses (or, for that matter, their tongues!), rendering what was to have been a multi-sensory experience into a sequence of senses instead.

How, then, to rectify this situation; how, then, indeed? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not line-extension fiends: thus, a new "riff" or "variation" on our CoollMisst^TM technology - Scentliminal Odor-ama^SM!

"Brilliant!" I hear you gasp, and brilliant it is. Imagine, if you will, a full-motion video capable beverage vending machine. As the consumer ponders which of the speed-chilled beverages to purchase, he (or she!) is treated to a brief video "vignette" showing a young child asking a young mother (perhaps portrayed by the delicious Parker Posey) for a drink. "Mom," as she is here known, opens the Kenmore® refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of Welch's Concord Grape Juice. As she opens the lid (or cap), the Scentliminal Odor-ama^SM scent organ pumps out a puff of Concord Grape vapeur-de-juice, causing the consumers mouth to water (reflexively!) and to pull the Welch's Grape Soda lever (or push the button, of course, depending on the specific model). Brilliant isn't the half of it.

This, likely, puts one in mind of the constant harping of chef Emeril Lagasse (it's sad, really, how the man has let himself go these days, don't you think?) in regard to the sad state of our cable television infrastructure: "we can put a man on the moon, but we can't get smell-o-vision in our homes," he gripes - or words to that effect. In fact, he is correct. This is yet another area where our place-based video offerings have far outflanked the traditional television systems - including the nascent TV over IP (or internet-based television). By having control over our screens, we can offer an ideal experience, each and every time. Not even the new HD (or High-quality Depiction) televisions can offer more than two senses at a time (viz - sight and sound).

On a somewhat-unrelated note, you may have noticed that the brand of refrigerator was mentioned in the Parker Posey vignette description above. As many of you no doubt know, Sears (along with her sibling brand K-Mart!) is locked in a struggle with the economy, the likes of which hasn't been seen for more than two decades. What with the constant news of the housing problems and the mortgage woes besmirching the names of all and sundry marketers and financial entities, it seemed only appropriate to pull out a snippet from an earlier newsletter. Consider this a bit of "Classic Jay" if you will. Keep in mind that this comes from our newsletter of March 22, 2007 - nearly a year ago! - as you read what may prove to be a prophetic offer of help to two sadly struggling industries:

"Jay," I hear you cry, "tell us how this all results in an opportunity, rather than in cause for macro-economic doom-and-gloomery!" And so I shall.

Imagine the plight of the typical new homeowner: he's (or she's!) in over his (or her!) head, financially speaking. What with a mortgage payment, a car payment, new appliances, and increased insurance, it would be amazing were he (or she!) not. Here's where opportunity raises its marketing head, as it were.

Keeping in mind that fiscal plight, what response might a savvy marketer at, say, Kenmore® expect if he (or she!) offered said homeowner a subsidy on the interest rate of his (or her!) mortgage? Exactly - he (or she!) would wonder about the attached strings, and rightly so.

In exchange for a half-point subsidy in the mortgage interest rate (this is for discussion purposes only, the actual level of subsidy will be determined at a future date), the homeowner agrees to purchase a certain number of Kenmore® appliances, and to accept certain marketing communications - right on the monthly mortgage statement!

Who makes out in this? Why, Everyone Involved! The homeowner is saving his (or her!) hard earned money each month, in exchange for making purchases which he (or she!) was likely to make anyway. Kenmore® has an immediate sale, and a channel of communication which should lead to a long-term loyal customer, and the mortgage company has avoided having to foreclose on another potentially unsaleable piece of real estate.

Of course, you may rest assured that similar scenarios can be (and have been!) imagined for insurance and automotive marketers.

Interested? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC certainly expect that you are - otherwise you're simply not the savvy, forward-thinking marketing professionals that we've come to believe you to be. Let us know how we can assist you in this new venture.

While we don't claim to know the future, we do help our clients to manage it.

Last time, Jay wrote about experiential marketing and brand evangelists:

Cindy Crawford responded:
"You know, Jay, Linda's not the only smart supermodel out there. As you know, I was valedictorian of my HS class, and I could have been a chemical engineer or something, but I firmly believe that modeling is my true calling. Apple was going to name something after me too, but "Crawfish" seemed more like a code name than a ..."

Thanks for your note, Cindy (if it's really you - I find this a bit hard to believe), and there was certainly no disrespect meant to any of your sistern in the supermodel sorority. I know you're all smart and beautiful, and I love you all equally!

-- Jay

Updated: MicroHoo! ? YaSoft?

2008-02-11T09:33:00.002-05:00

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have had several inquiries regarding the proposed "merger" of Microsoft and Yahoo! This is all made more interesting than a simple attempted purchase of one large company by another by the return of Yahoo! co-founder Yang to the CEO position.

We've always been fans of the Yahoo! Yang Clan, so watch for him to give Steve "Monkey Dance" Ballmer the boot as soon as the ~~merger of equals~~ purchase has been executed.

Aren't M&Es fun - at least to watch?

Excelsior!

Update 2/14/08:
It appears that the Redmonkeys may not get their wish after all. Not only has Yahoo! turned down their offer, but now they have competition from News Corp and everyone's favorite, Rupert Murdoch. Whatever happens, count on it to be bad for Mr. Ballmer. His only chance for the fame he so obviously covets (after all, Billg is famous, and he's a nerd, right?) is to win the next season of dancing with the stars.

Excelsior!

2008, Here We Are At Last

2008-01-25T13:17:00.001-05:00

It may have taken a few weeks, but

are we ever ready to wow you again!

First off, to those of you who've been reading the "blog" site, I'd like to make sure you hear our apologies regarding the erroneous obituary of O.D. "Slim" Whitman. Mr. Whitman is still alive (and very popular in Europe, as well as here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC!), despite the report we had received and passed on at the "blog" site. Again, our apologies to all and sundry.

It has been gratifying to carry on the conversation which is enabled by that back-and-forth medium (the internet "blog"), if only to hear from those of you who seem not to want to reply by e-mail. Thus far, we seem to have avoided most of the lunatic fringe that some other "blogs" seem to attract (apart from the fantastically-named "durwood quade" whose modus operandi appears to be name calling and political advocacy - I hadn't realized that Ru Paul was running for president this year), and for that we are quite grateful.

Now, on to the, if you will, "meat" of the newsletter: Experiential Marketing. While we promised to address packaging in a response to a comment to an earlier newsletter, as we investigated that topic, it became clear to us here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC that packaging is really only the gateway, or introduction, to the full experience of a brand.

The packaging can serve to invite the consumer in (cf. those new, no-can-opener-required cans of ground coffee - while we may have an issue with the rim left on the can, we can have no issue with the ease with which our respective kitchens - or anywhere else! - can be filled with that fresh-opened-can-of-coffee aroma), or to keep him (or her!) out (viz. that flexible, clear, yet nearly impervious plastic in which all manner of products are now encased, for the cutting of which my sister bought our mother (as a Christmas gift, no less!) some of those nifty Black & Decker® electric power scissors: which were packaged in that self-same plastic - perhaps said plastic is fortified with irony!).

Still, the packaging, however good (or bad!) is but the first part of the brand experience. First steps are important, no doubt (remember - a Journey of a Thousand Miles (or Kilometers!) begins with a Single Step!), but they are only first steps. What we, as savvy marketers, really want is for our customer (or customers!) to enter fully into the brand experience; not simply to see the brand, but to be the brand. (Ah, I miss Mr. Gianopoulos, my Junior High School P.E. teacher, who taught us all (in Dodge Ball, no less!) this sure route to success: "See the ball, Be the ball;" but I digress.)

Experiential Marketing has become one of those catch-phrases, or "buzz" words which seem to have a fluid meaning - terms which can end up meaning little or nothing due to their having been attached to too many disparate concepts. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC want to caution our readers to examine any proposed Experiential Marketing programs to make sure they're not just warmed-over, re-named products from your advertising and marketing partners. In this day of user-generated content, amateur commercials on the Super Bowl®, and general disinterest and confusion, it is imperative that our marketing efforts actually be focussed on where the consumer and the brand interact - in the consumers' heads and homes and lives.

Perhaps one example from our Experiential Marketing Practice will help to clarify. Jay Standish, Inc. LLC team members Morgan and Shannon are members of the up-and-coming (you can bet on this one!) Celtic-Punk band, Left Sister Down (perhaps you've heard of their underground hit, póg mása, cadránta ceanndána buaf!). Now, clearly their fans are their consumers, and they (equally clearly!) want to enter into the "band experience" (if you'll pardon the "play" on words!), and that is exactly how the band is marketed. They offer their fans the opportunity to join them in their bus (more properly, their minivan) as they travel from "gig" to "gig" around the country. These lucky consumers are then treated to the full experience of life in a traveling Celtic-Punk ensemble, from problems finding lodging to chipping in for gas money. These folks are then used as "seed" fans at each concert "venue" to encourage the others in attendance to enjoy the music.

Apple (formerly Apple Computers) calls this kind of consumer "evangelists" (named, apparently, for Linda Evangelista, the first leggy supermodel ever to program an Apple computer using the Hypercard® program once included with each purchase), and they are, perhaps more than any other single marketing effort, responsible for the immense wealth (yet lack of couture) of Mr. Steve Jobs. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC ask you this - who wouldn't want that "gig" - especially knowing one could dress in any way one thought proper! - who indeed?

Last time, Jay wrote to send his holiday best:
Ham Hiroki responded:
"Jay, it's all very well and good that you mention the standard holidays in your note, but relegating the rest of us to a 'blessed whatever' seems a bit cavalier, even for an american..."

Ham -
Based on your note, I'm glad to see that you took no real offense at the omission of various and sundry other celebrations (most specifically your own, Shinto matsuri), and hope that you had a wonderful 大晦日 (Ōmisoka to the rest of us).

-- Jay

Further Sad News - UPDATED

2008-01-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

A faithful reader in the Detroit area has passed on yet another sad notice. Fabulous vocalist, Ottis Dewey "Slim" Whitman has passed away at the (far too young!) age of 84.

Many of you know that I have a particular fondness for various and sundry artists, ranging from the delicious Parker Posey to the dreamy Josh Groban; but most of you probably didn't know that my first musical love is that yodelling country music exemplified by Wilf Carter (aka Montana Slim, for those of you "in the know" as it were), Ranger Doug (of the Riders in the Sky), and Ottis Dewey O.D. (an unfortunate confluence of initials, that) "Slim" Whitman.

His like may never be seen (nor heard!) again. One could only wish that he had been as popular here in his native land as he was in Europe.

RIP, "Slim." RIP indeed

Excelsior!
(Oh, Rosemarie, I lo-o-ove you!)

As noted in the comment from rosemarie (really?!) this seems to have been another instance of exaggerated reports of demise. (Would that such events never took place, eh, faithful readers?)

After doing some "digging" on the "internet" about this article, Leslie (from our Public Relations practice) tells me that it appears that there was an inadvertent release of one of those "just-in-case" obits that all news organizations have "on hand" for celebrities and the like. (Does anyone out there remember the fabulous SNL skit showing Dan Rather recording every possible post-mortem for former President Gerald Ford? Sadly (or perhaps not!) it took some of the solemnity out of the event when it really came to pass. But I digress.)
Shortly after being posted on the website of a newspaper (I'd rather not name them, as I may be able to help them with some marketing and public "relations" activities in the future!), the erroneous report was identified and removed.

To those who may have had their days ruined by this ill-timed and inauthentic report, I apologize; please put it down to the quick actions of a fan, too distraught to think about checking the facts as they were (temporarily!) presented.
And to "Slim" himself, I say: Excelsior!

Another RIP

2008-01-11T10:19:00.000-05:00

In the past (mere!) couple of months, we've lost two of the premier adventurers, bon vivants, and teste del formaggio. One begins to wonder how many of us there are left in the world - how many of us can there be left in the world?

First, at the end of November, we lost Evel Knievel - well known to all for his many and varied jumps, leaps, crashes, and fractures.

Now comes the news that our favorite Kiwi (that's a person from New Zealand, for those of you not "in the know" about such things!) has passed away at the (still far too young!) age of 88. Yes, Sir Edmund Hillary (Sir Eddy to his friends) has scaled that final peak into the beyond. The first man to scale Everest - who went on to find a route to the South Pole - is no longer with us.

I once remarked to him that the latter feat didn't seem all that impressive to me, once he had described it as simply, "go South until you can only go North - then you're there, Jay; then you're there." That remark was more than half in jest, and it is with wry amusement that I recall it here.

To both Evel and Sir Eddy, I raise a glass and say:
Excelsior!

Holiday Greetings

2007-12-21T13:25:00.000-05:00

& other updates on life, business, love, and marketing - not necessarily in that order!

Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Kwanzaa! Blessed Whatever!

The solstice is here, and it's time once again for my biennial year-end holiday update on life, the universe, and everything^TM, to coin a phrase. As always, I ask you to accept my apologies for this seemingly impersonal format for my "holiday" message; viz a group email [or an entry to a blog on the "internet" for that matter! -Ed]. Rest assured that I do this only out of respect for our great e-postal workers, who must be up to their virtual eyeballs in electronic greetings at this time of year. It is in their honor that I refrain from introducing individually formatted and addressed missives into the POP or SMTP streams.

There are simply too few full-motion-capable beverage dispensing machines (for now!) to reach each and every one of you with my personal best, and other than my sister, Kay, I didn't think many of you would appreciate a greeting running on Gas Station TV (oh - the odor, oh - the humanity!).

As you know, this has been a momentous year for us here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC. Not only have we been quite successful in a business sense, but it has turned out quite nicely for most of us personally as well (Pat's been sacked!).

With the writers' strike dragging on, there had been some talk about moving the air-date of the "Who Wants to Be a Pent-Athlete?" up to fill some potentially dead air. While many of my friends and family seem fit to burst with waiting for this program to air, it's still a bit unlikely, given the program's tie-in with the Olympics in Beijing (Peking to me!), none the less, we'll keep you apprised of any changes.

On a somewhat personal note, I'd like to congratulate my sister, Kay, on her marriage this year to her long-time sweetheart, J. Alden Miles. (As an aside, I urged her most strongly to hyphenate her last name, but she decided to go with Kay Miles, rather than my preferred Kay Miles-Standish - there's no accounting for taste, it seems!) We are fortunate to be able to say that the wedding went off with a hitch (it wouldn't be much of a wedding without one, now would it!?), and we look forward to many more Miles as their family grows.

It's been some time since we've had a national tour of our marketing seminars, and we're planning to remedy that in the upcoming year. In fact, we're looking to expand beyond these United States (!) and to share our thoughts and guidance with our friends to the North (that means Canada for those of our readers not in the geographical know). Current thinking puts us in Camden, Alpharetta, Madison Heights, Ada, Breckenridge, Fullerton, and Sammamish, returning via Chilliwack, Lethbridge, Brandon, Sudbury, and Halifax!

As always, we'll be looking for some forward-looking marketers as co-sponsors of the tour, and we'll keep everyone informed as we make progress with our tour dates and venues.

Finally, speaking of forward-looking, we're looking forward to receiving holiday notes, wishes, updates, and (dare one hope?) goodies for some or each of you. Please know that Jody and I (and all of us here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC! - including Bailey in Finance, who was somewhat upset at being referenced simply as "my bookkeeper" in an earlier newsletter - sorry, Bailey! hope this can help clear things up as the year ends!) wish you and yours the very Happiest of Holidays.

Excelsior!
Jay

Last week, Jay wrote about product integration in comic books:
Steve Kirby responded:
"At first, I was outraged at the idea of one of our heroes 'selling out' to The Man, but then I realized that we've all sold out to The Man in some way. Maybe letting Luke Cage have a favorite BBQ sauce for his ribs isn't such a bad thing, still ..."

Thanks for the kind words, Steve. I know these product integrations can be a difficult hurdle over which to leap: especially at a single bound! Still, once we realize that readers look to these characters for guidance, it seems even worse to tell them to buy generically-named non-brands of anything, doesn't it? I thought you'd see it my way!

-- Jay

Confirmation and Vindication

2007-12-14T16:55:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's a wasteland out there, but

Sometimes it's a perfect storm!

As reader Roy notes in his feedback to our last newsletter, the marketing world is ablaze with conversation regarding our contention in said missive that storytelling is the best way to communicate a brand to potential consumers. Not only that, but it's the only way to truly stay in control of one's brand, rather than trying to accommodate a fickle public's shifting conception thereof.

Quantitative confirmations are nice, but only represent the contents of one side of the beam balance scale. There are the qualitative aspects which must also be considered by our marketing "lady justice" as we measure the efficiency and effectiveness of our marketing efforts. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have many resources from which to draw in this interesting and important area of investigation. We will, no doubt, be revisiting this part of the question in future newsletters; for the nonce, however ....

As the flurry of comments on our internet "blog" indicate, there is a great deal of interest in the topic of storytelling as a marketing practice. It is important to keep in mind, however, that storytelling is not the sole province of full-motion video (including Television!) - no indeed. In fact, some of the greatest stories being told these days are those in Graphic Novels, Manga (no, not the fruit - this is a Japanese phenomenon which we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe is poised to make the leap to North America within the decade!), and Comic Books.

Yes, you read that correctly - Comic Books.

Imagine having your product (or products!) integrated (in a positive light, of course) into the life of a superhero - on a regular, on-going basis. Let's think of some examples, shall we?

We all know that the Flash (The Fastest Man Alive!) must eat large quantities of food after his high-speed hi-jinks - why couldn't he prefer (and he probably does!) to stop at Quizno's® after those bursts of speed? - after all, they have a Pepper Bar!

Similarly, it might well be Daredevil (The Man Without Fear) behind those Foster Grants^TM worn by Matt Murdock, Esq.

The possibilities seem endless - unless you're marketing or selling Sea Monkeys - then, the end is near, as those cute little fellows simply don't last long, do they? [I remember when my sister and I put our Sea Monkey King and Queen - Louis and Marie, as I recall - and their newly-hatched royal offspring in the tank with the Magic Rocks® and our pet Angelfish, Robespierre. You can, no doubt, guess the somewhat sordid outcome. Would that she and I had been so able! But I digress.]

At any rate, it seems unlikely that many of our readers would be so blind as to miss the obvious benefits lurking just out of reach and sight in the world of the comic books.

Dr. Steven Strange can't use the Eye of Agamotto to find his way everywhere - so perhaps he consults his Garmin (or TomTom!!?) to find his way around Manhattan.
Hal Jordan can't always fire up his lantern to see in the dark - perhaps he needs a halogen-bulb mag-lite® for those other times.
Jughead Jones may well be lactose insurgent and find that he needs to keep a supply of Lactagen® tablets in his pocket if he's going to continue to hang out at Pop Tate's Chocklit Shoppe and have a malted milk now and then.

If I haven't started your mental engines churning like a kid in a china shop, then you aren't the marketing practitioners I've thought you were!

Excelsior!
Jay

Last week, Jay wrote about
storytelling as the best way to manage a brand's identity:
Roy Soleigh responded:
"I don't know if you saw the notices of the study done by the Advertising Research Fund, but they just came out saying that storytelling is the best way to seed brand attributes in the minds of consumers...."

Roy, I hadn't seen that, until today, but it doesn't surprise me a bit. Another reader posted a link to an article about that study on my "blog" so I'll direct you there for a fuller discussion.
At any rate, I believe an extra Excelsior! is appropriate here.
-- Jay

© 2007 Jay Standish, Inc. LLC

Like the New Look?

2007-12-07T16:08:00.001-05:00

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others."
- Benjamin Franklin

"Never eat spinach before a photo shoot."
- Jay Standish

Future Markets

2007-11-30T17:30:00.002-05:00

Finding buyers in the future may take a new set of skills and attitudes.

It seems one can hardly turn the page of a marketing trade publication or advertising "rag" without finding them trumpeting "virtual worlds" or "wikis" or "social networks" or "user generated content" or some other venue of supposedly heightened consumer openness or susceptibility to a marketing message [an interesting aside: my research into these various venues on the "internet" yielded this tidbit. The word "wiki" comes from several related words in various Amerindian, or aboriginal, tongues such as wiikiyaapi in the Fox language or wikiop in Menominee which denote a structure somewhat similar to a wigwam or tipi (teepee to those of us over a certain age!) - thus a "wiki" is a place where web "denizens" can live - or even their information can reside there. Fascinating!].

Invariably, it seems that the articles attached to these concepts advise the readers to relinquish control of their brands, to engage in conversations with their customers, rather than to lecture them. This seems to be the entire wisdom and promise of the Web "2.0" crowds - brand owners ought not to control their brands, they ought to ride the crest of the waves of consumer whims and fancies wherever they may lead.

Hogwash.

I'll say it again. Hogwash.

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC firmly believe in the power of the raconteur, rather than of the relinquisher. Yes, storytelling is alive and well, and at the heart of any strong brand.

Consider this droll little tale:

A young mother (perhaps played by the delicious Parker Posey?) is out strolling near an elementary school when the bell rings for dismissal.

A bright little moppet arrives at Mother's side, beaming seraphically, and asks for a snack.

Mom, returning the child's smile, hands him a Baby Ruth® candy bar and a bottle of Pepsi One®.

"Isn't it sad how President Cleveland's daughter didn't live to see the candy bar they named after her?" asks the boy. "We learned all about it in our history class today." He skips ahead, chewing a nougat-filled bite of his Baby Ruth® as Mom smiles and chuckles to herself.

"Honey, what would you think of getting a Quizno's® sandwich for dinner tonight?" she asks as they arrive at her shining new Ford Taurus^TM, they have a pepper bar, you know."

She starts the car, but checks her son's seat belt to be sure it's snugly buckled. "Mom, I'm so glad you got this Ford Taurus^TM - I feel so safe when I ride in it with you."

Now tell me (if you can!) that the rich heritage and brand attributes (and even a Unique Selling Proposition or two) didn't come through loud and clear - certainly more so than were we to let our customers (or our detractors!) tell us about our products.

Don't relinquish control of your brand conversation - Steer it!

A brief postscript:
We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC bid a fond and nearly tearful farewell to the late, great Evel Knievel, who shuffled off this mortal coil today.
If ever a man lived the Excelsior! life, it was he - it was he indeed.
Excelsior! Jay

Last time, Jay wrote about debts and Thanksgiving:
Irv Levin responded:
"I guess I'm glad you guys are making enough money to forgive some bad debts, but what about the rest of us, Jay? Some of us are drowning in red ink up to our armpits! It's getting pretty bad, and I don't know if you realize ..."

Irv, thanks for the heartfelt outpouring of anguish, ennui, and so forth. I think you'll find a closer reading of the last missive was a celebration of looking generous while actually getting a higher return than might otherwise be realized.
Please go back and re-read it, and calm down, my friend, it's not all gloom and doom, just the vast preponderance!

-- Jay

We're Thankful for You!

2007-11-20T17:44:00.001-05:00

Our Faithful Readers, Clients, and Friends

Make All of This Worth-While!

Well, the week is winding down toward its wonted end of Thursday, followed by "black" Friday, and it's time for those of us here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC to reflect on what it is that makes us thankful (and to whom - and to whom!).

It's all of you, our faithful readers, clients, and friends who swell our hearts (and souls!) with the true spirit of the holiday (viz. Thanksgiving). Not only am I personally thankful that I am still able to write these weekly (or so) missives, but I am thankful for all of my associates and partners here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC (former partners excepted, of course!). We have been very fortunate this year, both personally and financially, and in the topsie-turvie world of the current financial situation of many companies - large and small! - we can but say our thanks to each and every one of you.

What with the news of all the major financial institutions having to write off or write down vast amounts of bad or un-collectible loans, it seems a bit petty for an organization which has been as blessed as we have been these past several years to hang on to our own "bad" debts. This is, many of you probably realize, easier than it would have been a few short months ago, "thanks" to my former partner, Pat, and his scheme for business enhancement. But I digress. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have decided that every one of our outstanding invoices will be written "off" as a bad debt. This, as I said, is easier than it would have been, as there is only one such invoice at this point - an old invoice for some market research on an early iteration of our full-motion-capable beverage vending machines (this pre-dates WiFi by many months, if our time-line is correct). Accordingly - no names here, but you know who you are - said invoice is hereby canceled, and accounted as null, void, and ex officio. Frankly, it's a load off my mind anyway - we probably should have done this a long time ago, as it became obvious that he wasn't going to pay. But I digress again.

"But, Jay," I hear you wonder, "isn't there any marketing information this week?" Ah, dear friends, you've just seen as slick a marketing scheme in operation as you'd ever want to. While we are truly clearing that debt from our books, and while we still remain open to doing business in the future with the "stiff" (that's the technical term my bookkeeper uses), a large part of the reason for the "gesture" is to elicit good-will from the rest of our clients. By seeing that we do business in a friendly and gracious manner, our clients are encouraged to count on us to be equally gracious with them (and we will be - fear not!). Yes, we will try to extend similar "gestures" to other clients as the situations present themselves, but that doesn't mean we're not counting on doing business in an ethical, friendly manner to really boost the bottom line: we are, and you can too.

Not only does being nice boost the bottom line, it makes me feel good at the same time. I'm going to head out to the gym for a little extra fencing practice now, but please, visit the "blog" on the internet and let us know what you think, and for what you are thankful.

Excelsior!
Jay

Last week, Jay wrote about Gas Station Television:
Thom Dranking responded:
"Jay, first off, I'd like to meet your sister - any bird who likes the scent of petrol is brilliant in my book! Next, though, I think you're being a bit too harsh in your criticism of this concept. I think you might find that "gear-heads" as you call them are strong consumers of many products, including news and information..."

Nice try, mate, but I still can't imagine being sold the idea of a tasty sub, a Quizno® perhaps, while choking on the fumes from the diesel at the next pump, let alone the "petrol" (ha! that's how I knew you were a "limey") odour from the pump at my own car.

-- Jay

Everything Old is New Again?

2007-11-14T15:39:00.001-05:00

"New" ideas spark memories of when they actually were new!

Perhaps you've seen announcements of the expansion of the “Gas Station TV” network. Not content with screens displaying full-motion video and audio to consumers while they are actively making a purchase (I wonder where they got that idea, don't you?!!), there will now be screens placed inside the stations in the “convenience” store portion of said edifices.

Growing up, my sister always wanted to work in a gas station. Not because she loved cars or because she was a gearhead – she loved the smell of gasoline. (I understand that gasoline fumes can cause brain damage, but I also wonder if brain damage seeks out those fumes!) At any rate, most people don't – pace Robert Duvall – love that smell, whether in the morning or any other time of day, so one wonders whether adding this olfactory experience to a commercial message will turn out to be helpful or harmful.

Our guess, here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC (as if one could reasonably characterize our data-driven marketing forecasts as guesses!), is that it will prove to be a net drag on the utility of this video distribution platform.

This development led me, this past week, into a bit of a reminiscence about the painstaking development of our own full-motion capable, Wi-Fi-enabled, beverage vending machines, equipped with CoollMisst^TM technology. Long-time readers of this newsletter will certainly recall the various stages through which this product line has gone, what with the addition of the Wi-Fi capability (giving marketers the ability to change creative "on the fly" in near real-time, as it were.

Then, the CoollMisst^TM technology was added, giving the consumer an extra sensory experience - although in this case, it was a welcome one!

The long list of participants in both market tests, research projects, and actual roll-outs of working prototypes gives mute testimony to the power of adding the sense of touch to the sight, sound, and motion already inherent in the product. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC hope that those of us who "know better" won't be fooled into adding a negative olfactory experience to what ought to be a simple message delivery.

Clearly there are many better (and less smelly!) ways to get one's message to the consumer, wherever he (or she!) may be found.

Excelsior!
Jay

Last week, Jay wrote about getting back in the saddle, only to find he'd been presumed dead:
Ronald Geary responded:
"Jay, it's fabulous that you're not actually dead. It certainly took the wind out of our sails here at the Cape when we heard you'd been killed. It was a bleak birthday celebration back in September without your "salutation" from the Rolodex ..."

Ron, you've made me very happy to know that our birthday missives are appreciated. Hearing my own eulogies, as it were, has been an eye-opening experience - but I'm still mad at Pat!

-- Jay

Reports of my Demise, and all that Jazz

2007-11-01T14:21:00.001-04:00

Who knew Mark Twain was prescient?

First things first. Please allow me to apologize to all my regular readers, correspondents, and personal acquaintances.

In my absence (to be explained momentarily), my now-ex-partner, Pat Mullins, decided to test a rather bizarre (some might think "outré" a more appropriate term - and count me among them!) marketing theory on you.

Pat apparently theorized that if our customers thought I had been killed, they would be likely to book additional business, or at least to pay old, outstanding invoices (all of our invoices are outstanding - just as are the jobs we do for each one of our clients!). To my surprise (and chagrin, I might add), Pat's theory proved - at least partly - correct.

With the exception of one (1) "hold-out" [no names here, but you know who you are ....], all of our past-due invoices were cleared, and revenue rose a quite-healthy 13.7% (on a Seasonally Adjusted Annual Basis, of course).

Still, Pat's been sacked.

I don't know how to put it more bluntly, or I would have done so.
Pat's been sacked.

As with most effective deceptions (or "lies," as I prefer to think of this, Pat's final outrage), Pat's ploy began with a kernel of truth (or fact), but spun rapidly away from the "straight" and true (if you'll pardon the expression).

I was, indeed, in training for competition in the Modern Pent-athlon, assisted by my new partner, Jody - against whom no charges have been (nor could be!) filed, as I was neither killed, nor even injured during said training. In fact, I was part of a reality series (which was produced and shot "on spec" as a promotional opportunity to link up with the upcoming Olympic Games® in Beijing (the Istanbul of China - I still think of them as Peking and Constantinople, don't you?).
As with all such programs, a very severe media and personal communications "black-out" was in force, with Pat naturally being my sole designated correspondee (in retrospect, it seems so obvious - but I mustn't obsess, hindsight is always 20/20 they say, how could I have been so blind? - but I mustn't obsess).

With a bit of luck and marketing acumen (to whom might we turn for that, one wonders ... ha!), this series should be gracing your local Ion or MyNetwork television affiliate station in time for the "Games."

At any rate, it should be clear by now that I am not dead, nor gone, nor (dare I hope?) forgotten. I look forward to re-establishing the cordial, professional relationships most of you have enjoyed with us here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC over these past several years.

For now, however, I believe I'll return to practicing my shooting and fencing; after all, one never knows into whom one may run - one simply never knows.

Last time, Pat wrote about
Jay's having been killed in a freak Pent-athlon accident:
Steve Babcock, responded:
"I'm sure there was no intent to upset us, but reading of Jay's death in a newsletter just about did me in too.
Pat, I'm hoping everyone there is OK, and I hope this doesn't sound too unfeeling, but will this affect any of the research and marketing projects you're doing for us? We don't have a lot of resources out here in Bozeman, MT, so we'd hate to lose you ..."

Steve -
Thanks for the concern, but as you can tell from the reports you should have received by now, we're still happily in the business of helping our far-flung friends in the pursuit of marketing excellence!
-- Jay

Sad News

2007-07-31T14:25:00.001-04:00

This is Jay's partner, Pat. (Yes, I really do exist.) I am writing to all those in Jay's electronic "Rolodex®" and on his "internet blog" to inform you that Jay has perished in a tragic accident.

Jay had decided to add to his already legendary athletic achievements in the bi-athlon by branching out into the "modern" pent-athlon. What with his rock-hard abs, steady hand, and practiced eye, the shooting, riding, running, swimming, and fencing involved in the modern pent-athlon seemed a sure bet.

Even allowing for his somewhat rusty equestrian skills, that assessment was right on the money, through the first four (4) of the five (5) events. Sadly, his wrist seemed ill-suited to fencing, and he was killed in a freak rapier accident by his "sparring" partner, Jody. Jody is holding up better than we expected - better than the police expected as well, leading to Jody's being taken in for further "questioning" by the authorities.

Jay is gone, but not yet forgotten, and long may he wave, although we're all at half mast here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC. Please remember to pay any outstanding invoices promptly so we can close our books and move on to the next chapter in our various and assorted lives.

Memorial contributions may be made to the Sir Charles Guinness Deficit Society.

As Jay would have said:
Excelsior!
Pat Mullins,

Jay Standish, Inc. LLC

RIP

Moving Beyond Metrics

2007-04-27T16:33:00.001-04:00

No, I don't mean kilometers and kilograms, I mean CPC, ROI, CPM, and other TLAs

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are pleased to announce that we are in the planning stages of a nationwide tour, presenting our latest marketing "seminar" or "course" which is entitled "The Next Wave - Moving Beyond Metrics: a Short Course in What Really Matters in Marketing, and How to Say it Briefly, Clearly, Succinctly, and without Unnecessary Redundancy."
Among the stops currently anticipated are Palo Alto, Dallas, Casper, Atlanta, Cincinnati (P&G, here we come!), Detroit, and Camden. We expect to finalize our deal with probable national sponsor, Red Roof Inn Systems® very soon. Once that deal is "inked" (and before the ink is even dry, if I have anything to say about it - and believe me, I do!) we'll announce the specific venues in each city - including a run-down of which Inns sport the new free "Wi-Fi" service, and which of them have pools (many now do!).
Again, plans are still in the making, but we anticipate providing a complimentary continental breakfast and coffee bar for those of you who need that carbohydrate and caffeine boost in the morning, courtesy (we hope!) of our soon-to-be-approached potential sponsor, Publix® markets.

Of course, we wouldn't want to hold out a mere "teaser" to you on this without giving at least a flavor of what's likely to be included in the planned presentation, thus:

How many of you are struggling with mounting demands from "management" to give better metrics of the ROI of your marketing efforts? (hands down now, thank you) We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC tend to think this is analogous to the "Carpenter Quandary" - to wit: to the man (or woman!) with only a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Similarly, with today's readily available "lower funnel" measurements (sorry for the technical terms!), every marketing problem looks like a sales problem. How, one wonders, can one measure a branding campaign with a direct mail metric? How indeed? One simply cannot - hence this presentation and Magical Marketing Tour: Moving Beyond Metrics: or How I Learned to Stop Measuring Click-Through Rates and Love Gross Impressions.
Magical? You know it, brother (or sister!) - after all, you said you wanted a Revolution!

Readers of this newsletter will certainly get an advance official notice of and invitation to the event, once the details and dates are finalized and "hammered out" to our satisfaction (pun mostly intended).
Be on the lookout for that Candy Apple Red Luxury Executive Motorcoach with the giant magnetic "Jay Standish - Beyond Metrics" sign on the side (courtesy of our friend Harvey Glendinning at Pip Printing!) carrying a veritable "SWAT Team" of marketing mavens from Jay Standish, Inc. LLC. That's right - for the first time, I'll be bringing some of my associates along - perhaps Pat will be available for a trip (at last!), but rest assured, we're coming! and to a town near you!

Last week, Jay wrote about interplanetary trash disposal:
Raoul Floyd responded:
"Jay, your whole idea of making space launches seem "green" by using them to dispose of dangerous waste seems totally ludicrous. That seems as likely as trying to seem green by paying someone who pollutes less to balance out one's own emissions. Buying "carbon credits" from folks who otherwise wouldn't use them to allow for high-energy homes and large vehicles would be totally unethical .... Oh, never mind."

"Never mind" is right, Raoul, right indeed.
-- Jay

2007-04-20T14:26:00.001-04:00

Mother Nature Taking Over?
Is your marketing aligned with the seismic shift in consumer attitudes?

Who would have thought Home Depot® would be leading the way? Who indeed? Still, it comes as no surprise that there would be a savvy marketer ready to capitalize on the current greening of the world, does it?
Regular readers of this newsletter know that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not savvy, and with our commitment to various "out-of-doors" activities (including bi-athlon and rock racing!) we are also committed to maintaining an environment around us.
Lest the reader think this is nothing but pre-Earth Day pandering to the masses of environmental lobbyists, crack-pots, and ne'er do wells. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have put our collective money where my mouth is - so to speak! - and are working on making the space flights mentioned in last week's newsletter something more than a marketing boon-doggle. Indeed, Lee (from our R&D group) is hard at work (as are we all!) calculating the relative costs and benefits of carrying toxic and other forms of difficult-to-dispose-of wastes on these space flights - with the proposition being that said waste be dumped, not on the Earth, but rather tossed into decaying orbits around the Moon or (perhaps too ambitiously) the Sun itself.
Imagine, if you will, a next-generation Space Shuttle - in full NASA regalia - bedecked NASCAR-like with logos of sponsoring entities (perhaps your product? your clients' product?) along with a payload, also logo-bedecked, of dangerous waste products, bound for extra-Terrestrial disposal. Who might be interested in such a scheme? How about Waste Management®? How about the InSinkErator® folks? How about just about anyone wishing to make a statement that we know better than to mess up our own house? As they say, animals don't defecate where they habitate (a catchy rendition or that sentiment, don't you think?) - neither should people.
What marketer wants to be known as one who poisons his (or her!) own customers? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe the answer is clear and unambiguous: nobody we know!
Once Lee's work (along with the fabulous Jay Standish, Inc. LLC R&D staff) is done, we will be shopping around the first potential sponsorships of this concept. We're still working on names for this service, and we'd appreciate feed-back from our readers on these possibilities, as well as any suggestions you might care to make. Imagine seeing your own neo-logism boldly pasted on a proud (American!) spacecraft as it quivers with excitement on the launch pad in Florida, waiting for the thrust to send it hurtling into space - perhaps into Trans-Lunar Injection!
At any rate, our first list of rough possibilities await your comments:

Star Trash
Garbage to the Stars
Wasted Space
Take Out The Trash - Way Out!
Ad Astra Per Trashpera

Last week, Jay wrote about "sponsored" space flights:
Rebecca Darmus responded:
"Jay, I understand how you and your testosterone- fueled friends might find space flight exciting - I've seen the shape of rockets, and I know what that's all about. Still, don't you find it a bit out-of-touch to be suggesting that we pay to put tons of pollutants into the atmosphere? Where's the concern for the environment? Where's the love? ..."

Rebecca, I think we all know where you're coming from, and I (for one!) subtly resent your testosterone remark. None the less, I think you're on to something with your talk of mountain greenery and such. See my comments above!

-- Jay

Marketing's Next Frontier!

2007-04-13T17:13:00.001-04:00

Could your product be the next sponsor of the US Space Program? It could!

At least, it could be if Rep. Ken Calvert's proposed legislation is passed. Rep. Calvert is looking to allow sponsorships of NASA activities, much as NPR and PBS sell sponsorships today.
I had Terry in the research department here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC do a quick dive into the background of Mr. Calvert, just to see if this is all on the up and up (so to speak!), and it looks like it's true. Not only is he an actual member of Congress, but he seems - based on Terry's perusal of the "Wikipedia" - to be a former Classic Rock Disk Jockey from Detroit. How this qualifies him to be a congressman who works with NASA isn't yet clear.
At any rate, the main and plain point to be made here is that there is goodwill to be had for any marketer savvy enough to grab this out-of-this-world (literally!) opportunity by the horns and shake hands with Uncle Sam. Think of the range of consumer goods with origins in the space program, and you'll get an idea of what I mean.
Imagine being able to use phrases such as, for example, Velcro® - brought to you by Head and Shoulders® Refreshing Shampoo in commercial communications. The possibilities are nearly endless!
Clearly, some brands and industries are better positioned to take advantage of this kind of tie-in. Dyson® vacuum cleaners - tackling the endless vacuum of space; Orbit® gum - flavors last an extra long time; there are myriad possibilities for those willing to think outside the atmosphere!

This is an opportunity where it may barely be possible to get in on the ground floor - but that's where all this has to start.
The range of options is wide, but certainly not unlimited, so it's imperative that the savvy marketer get to work on this right away - the final countdown may already have begun!
It is our understanding here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC that the famous insurance company, the "Prudential," may be interested, and may even refresh their old slogan (own a piece of the rock) with a new version. Perhaps they plan to give cut-rate life insurance to astronauts and passengers on the Shuttles? Take a piece of the rock with you?

Anything beyond this is mere speculation - something on which we tend to frown, here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC - and fraught with potential imprecision. Thus, we must end this "thought experiment" at this point, and merely be content to have raised the issue with our readers.
Should any of you wish to take advantage of this upcoming opportunity, know that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are standing at the ready.

Excelsior!

Last time, Jay wrote about Baby Ruth, Major League Baseball, and product names:
Zachary Sainte-Drôme responded:
"Your column couldn't have been more timely, Jay. My company is currently negotiating to become the official Canadian pharmacy of Major League Baseball, and a name change may well be in the offing. We'll be sure to contact you as the contract signing draws nearer...."

Interesting proposition, Zachary. With the loss of the Expos, this may be a way for MLB to expand Canadian interest in the sport. We look forward to hearing from you!
-- Jay

btw, we've had numerous queries regarding the Josh Groban concert. I suppose after my extensive reporting of the Bears' loss in Miami, it was to be expected. Sadly for my readers, Jennifer and I have decided that what happens in San Jose stays in San Jose.
-- Jay

Made it to the Big Leagues!

2007-04-13T15:40:00.000-04:00

Please note: the date of this missive was March 30, 2007

At Long Last, a subterfuge (?!) unreels into a lovely relationship!
This may be a bit out of date, but as the Major League Baseball (MLB) season approaches, I was reminded of an article I had read back in June. It seems (or seemed at the time, at any rate!) that Major League Baseball (MLB) has announced an official candy bar.
The Swiss-based food giant, Nestlé, has worked out a deal for one of its All-American Brands (viz. Baby Ruth®) to at last take its place with the All-American pass-time of Major League Baseball (MLB)! This relationship is all the more amazing in light of the "true story" of the candy bar's origin. Let me share it with you.
Back in the glory days of one George Herman Ruth, Jr (not a single last name in the batch - how odd!), a candy bar was created, and named for the late daughter of former President Grover Cleveland. Sadly, "Baby" Ruth Cleveland had passed away at the age of twelve (12) in 1904. Seventeen (17) years later, in 1921, in order to mark what would have been her 29th birthday, the Curtiss Candy Company issued these luscious, commemorative chocolate logs.
In what would turn out to be a marketing "bonanza" for Curtiss (Note to the reader: I've done some research, and find that "Bonanza" was not yet on television in 1921, so in the interest of full disclosure, I note that this may not be the most appropriate term to use here), that same year the Boston "Red Sox" traded Mr. Ruth to the New York Yankees, and he became quite famous in the athletic circles of his day. So much so, that poor Ruth Cleveland's story was completely crowded out of people's mental associations (much as the Federal Government's borrowings can crowd out the borrowings meant to fund productive ventures).
There is now, among the "conspiracy theory" crowd, some thought that this later, apparently spurious association was, in fact, the intent of the Curtiss Candy Company from the start. (Why anyone in Chicago would name a candy bar after an "athlete" from Boston or New York has yet to be clearly explained to me, despite my partner Pat's, best efforts.) In this "reading" of history, it seems that this Windy City candy maker was disingenuous to an extraordinary degree. Further, it seems that not only did said Chicagoan receive no official benefits from this purported association, but now that a European food conglomerate (Swiss, in fact!) has reaped the All-American benefits of official recognition by Major League Baseball (MLB).
Well, regardless of one's theory of history (I'm a Thucydides man, myself!), the current situation can but make one wonder - what product being marketed today by association with one person, place, or thing will one day benefit from a different, perhaps unintended association with a different person, place, or thing? Could there be a Sanjaya Snack Cake in the offing? Is there room in the game industry for a board game called Simon Says?

"All right, Jay," I hear you say. "What's this leading to?" and you're quite right to ask, and I'm quite happy to answer. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have developed a new line: we are pleased to announce our new naming-consultation practice. For years, there have been companies purporting to help marketers create names for their new products based on the "personality" of the product, or of the company, or even of the intended buyers. For the first time, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are offering marketers the chance to name products in such a way as to ride the coat-tails of unintended associations - yet with relative litigation-related impunity.
Clearly, I can't reveal all in this newsletter, but I have revealed all to my partner, Pat, and with very gratifying results indeed. Don't miss out - if you're ~~groban~~ groping for a name for a new product or service, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC can help - and we're not joshing!

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about sponsored mortgage rates:
John Werner responded:
"That's bloody brilliant, Jay. We here at (company name withheld) have been looking for a way to make ourselves valuable - nay, invaluable! - to potential customers, and you've hit us right on the head! Now all we need to do is ..."

Well, John, it's nice to see that there's someone out there who gets it - really gets it! I can't imagine a more valuable partner than one who helps with the house payments (right Pat!), and neither will your newly-dependent customers. We look forward to working with you on this.

-- Jay

Mortgage Meltdown?

2007-04-13T15:37:00.000-04:00

Abundant Crises are but Opportunities in Disguise!

As most readers of this newsletter are no doubt likely already aware, there seems to be trouble in the mortgage industry. More specifically, there seems to be trouble in the sub-prime mortgage industry.
The way we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC see it, this appears to be a classic case of losing a little on each sale, but trying to make it up in volume. While that may or may not work in the floor-covering industry, it seems to have run its course in the financial sector.
With mortgage foreclosures out-pacing mortgage closings, it might not be long before every home in America (!) is owned by a bank, but with no one to whom they can sell them - hardly an optimal outcome, at least in our view.
Accordingly, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have done some research, put pen to paper (or rather, keyboard to screen!), and come up with some opportunities which we, rather humbly, believe may be the way forward in the economic malaise engendered by high energy prices and low mortgage rates.
First - amazing though it may seem - it appears that folks who buy homes tend also to buy new cars and trucks soon after. The theory we are currently using is that they've saved up for a down-payment on the house for so long that the old jalopy is just that - an old jalopy!
Secondly, and in a similar vein, these folks seem also to buy major home appliances at an increased rate. One supposes that cooking on someone else's stove may seem somewhat unhygienic. That theory was hatched by my partner, Pat, based upon a move into a house some years ago which seemed to have been occupied by serial deep-fryers, but I digress.
Thirdly, and finally (at least for this newsletter - more research is available upon request!), they seem also to be above-average buyers of new insurance policies. This (perhaps!) ought not to be terribly surprising, but still well worth noting - well worth it indeed.

"Jay," I hear you cry, "tell us how this all results in an opportunity, rather than in cause for macro-economic doom-and-gloomery!" And so I shall.

Imagine the plight of the typical new homeowner: he's (or she's!) in over his (or her!) head, financially speaking. What with a mortgage payment, a car payment, new appliances, and increased insurance, it would be amazing were he (or she!) not. Here's where opportunity raises its marketing head, as it were.
Keeping in mind that fiscal plight, what response might a savvy marketer at, say, Kenmore® expect if he (or she!) offered said homeowner a subsidy on the interest rate of his (or her!) mortgage? Exactly - he (or she!) would wonder about the attached strings, and rightly so.
In exchange for a half-point subsidy in the mortgage interest rate (this is for discussion purposes only, the actual level of subsidy will be determined at a future date), the homeowner agrees to purchase a certain number of Kenmore® appliances, and to accept certain marketing communications - right on the monthly mortgage statement!
Who makes out in this? Why, Everyone Involved! The homeowner is saving his (or her!) hard earned money each month, in exchange for making purchases which he (or she!) was likely to make anyway. Kenmore® has an immediate sale, and a channel of communication which should lead to a long-term loyal customer, and the mortgage company has avoided having to foreclose on another potentially unsaleable piece of real estate.
Of course, you may rest assured that similar scenarios can be (and have been!) imagined for insurance and automotive marketers.

Interested? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC certainly expect that you are - otherwise you're simply not the savvy, forward-thinking marketing professionals that we've come to believe you to be. Let us know how we can assist you in this new venture.

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about the results of his Josh Groban drawing:
Scott Barshay responded:
"My IT folks have told me that this was a total fluke. They claim that the Y2K7 problem shouldn't have affected my chances of winning. I guess I believe that it's not their fault, but I'm still going to drown my sorrows in a bottomless stack of onion rings ..."

Scott, Scott, Scott, don't take it out on your IT folks, and more importantly, don't take it out on your soon-to-be- cholesterol-clogged arteries! Have a Pepsi or a LiptonIce and chill, my man!

-- Jay

The Replies are In!

2007-04-13T15:34:00.000-04:00

Please note - the date of this missive was March 16, 2007

A near tie, but Internet date-stamps and email logs reveal all!
Well, once again we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC had a very close contest to judge - and why not, what with the opportunity to experience a Josh Groban live performance, and all?!
As you may have guessed from the headline and sub-head above (I hope you don't mind those technical terms!), this was even closer than the ~~SuperBowl~~ Big Football Game drawing. In fact, the first (and only!?!) entries arrived in my "in box" essentially simultaneously, and it was only with the help of Kim, from the IT staff here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC, that we were able to determine our winner. Yes, we had to examine the email "header" portion of the electronic missives to determine which had actually arrived first.
One of the more gratifying things about this state of affairs is that these replies came in less than sixty (60) hours after our call to action!! That's nearly as quickly as the above-mentioned "football" drawing.
At any rate, you will no doubt recall that the call went out to three lucky marketing professionals, asking them simply to be the first to reply, and informing them that that first reply would gain its sender a ticket to see the dreamy Josh Groban, live in performance at the HP Pavilion on March 28th, accompanied by me, as my partner, Pat, is unable to attend. You will further recall that the lucky contestants were:

Scott Barshay, Red Robin, Denver
Roland Mendoza, BBDO, Los Angeles
Jennifer Fabiano - Fabiano Communications, Scottsdale

Perhaps you will agree that the suspense ought to be ended, that I should simply tell you who won the tickets. I agree. Thus:
With an arrival time in my email "in box" of 12:03:13PM EST, Jennifer Fabiano of Scottsdale is the second place finisher. Arriving in my inbox at 1:03:12PM EDT was the winning entry from the one who now knows the way to San Jose, Scott Barshay of Denver.
You may be looking at those times and thinking, "Jay, you're off your nut," and you might even be right. However, a closer examination will provide the needed clarity. What with Congress (in its wisdom!) moving the start of Daylight Savings Time to mid-March this year, and the inability of certain IT departments and certain ISPs to handle said shift, Jennifer's email was still marked with Standard time, while Scott's was correctly punched with Daylight time. Thus, rather than being an hour behind, Scott was actually a second ahead of Jennifer. A lesson to us all, I think.
As with our last drawing, there was one "entrant" from whom we never heard - in this case it was Roland Mendoza of LA. Perhaps next time, Roland, perhaps next time.
Still, Scott and I can now look forward to a wonderful evening of song and some tasty "snackage" to boot - yum!

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about another drawing for very sought-after tickets:
Jennifer Fabiano responded:
"Dreamy is just the half of it, Jay, that Josh Groban is a musical god..."

See Jay's comments above.

History Nearly Repeats Itself

2007-04-13T15:31:00.000-04:00

Please note: the date of this missive was March 9, 2007

Another "Available" Ticket Creates Need for another Rolodex Ride

Do you know the way to San Jose? Whoa! If you do, and you're the first of the lucky three marketing professionals pulled at random (see below) from my Rolodex® to reply, you will be on your way to the HP Pavilion at San Jose as my guest at the concert of the century.
That's correct, my partner, Pat, is once again unable to attend a spectacular event with me - meaning Pat's ticket is available, this time a ticket to hear the dreamy Josh Groban live in concert!
As with our previous draw for the ticket to the Really Big Professional Football Game last month, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC pulled three names at random (see below) from my Rolodex®, and the first one to reply (via email only, please - no faxes, no phone calls, no post cards) will join me at this "once-in-a-lifetime" performance (apologies to David Byrne!).
Again, upon confirmation of his (or her!) "vital statistics" and other information, the lucky winner will receive his (or her!) ticket and pre-paid parking voucher by DHL International Courier Service, along with instructions as to where he (or she!) will meet me at the HP Pavilion at San Jose. The concert takes place on Wednesday, March 28th at 8PM, and the winner should expect to be treated to some very tasty "snackage" as well as the concert.
Well, that's likely more than enough "explanation" and "background information" for the time being. It's time to reveal the lucky three "contestants" who may join me for what should truly be a night to remember. The three (in no particular order) are:

Scott Barshay, Red Robin, Denver
Roland Mendoza, BBDO, Los Angeles
Jennifer Fabiano - Fabiano Communications, Scottsdale

And the clock starts ... now!

Excelsior!

* - This random selection was done by dropping my Rolodex® on the floor from a height of approximately five feet and picking up the three cards which were closest to my feet when the "dust" settled. Just thought you'd like to know how we did it. - Jay

Last week, Jay wrote about coffee machines and moisturizers:
J. Higginbotham responded:
"If you had read what I've read, and heard what I've heard, you'd never recommend that anyone drink coffee nor use moisturizers..."

J. (nice initial, by the way!) -
Having read much of the rest of your email, I have a feeling that you think toothpaste causes crime, and that carbonated beverages cause insanity. It's hard to take your arguments seriously, but I admire your passion - fight the power, brother!
Excelsior!

-- Jay

Coffee and Collagen

2007-04-13T15:26:00.000-04:00

Please note, the date of this missive was February 28, 2007

In a world of dry skin, how can a "Cup of Joe" help your target demographic?

I was speaking with a close associate the other day about our vending machines with patented CoollMisst^TM technology, and he commented that no one in the Northeast or Midwest would want a cooling mist at this time of year. After careful thought, I decided he is most likely correct in this observation.
Still, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are nothing if not resourceful, creative, and thoughtful. Thus was born the Next Big Thing^SM in the marketing communications industry.
As many of us are painfully aware, during the "heating" season, the air in our homes, offices, and public transportation tends to become extremely dry (and drying!) - producing a surfeit of static electricity (I've mentioned to my partner, Pat, the at-time-humorous effect of static electricity and man-made fibers) and of dry, itching skin.
"How," I hear many of you ask, "can a beverage vending machine help in this, and how can that helping be of use to me in my marketing communications?" That is precisely the question which you should be asking, and I'm pleased to know that many of you are doing just that.
Clearly, spraying a cooling mist at people who are already cold is not something to be considered a "wise" idea - but what if we were to emulate a spa, and lavish a bit of moisture upon the customer? We could take him (or her!) from looking like a refugee from a Van de Graaf generator, to a perfectly coiffed, well dressed consumer in no time. In fact, we might be able to alleviate some of the "itching" of his (or her!) skin as well, simply by "enhancing" the water in the misting reservoir with a bit of emollients or other moisturizing ingredients.
Still, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC wonder if a cold soda and a moisturizer are the ideal combination. Accordingly, we are hard at work on a hot beverage dispensing vending machine with patent-pending MoistureMist^TM technology. Now, as our target audience is watching the full-motion video on the front of the machine, he (or she!) will be enveloped in a soft cloud of moisturizing vapors, enhanced by the aroma of freshly brewing coffee (or tea!).
What better way to tell your target demographic that you wish them well than to make their skin softer, with fewer cracks and rough spots, while ending the "frizzies" (remember those TV commercials about frizzies?) and providing a warm, comforting message, all in the context of receiving a warm, comforting beverage?
What better way indeed?
As noted above, the patent on our MoistureMist^TM technology is still pending, and we continue our developmental work - the coffee and tea vending machines occasionally play the videos in a somewhat jittery manner, apparently running just slightly faster than standard. We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are working on isolating the cause, and will put the machines out for bids in the near future.
Stay tuned for more!

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about a couple words which we had thought were gone from the marketing vocabulary:
Mark Studdock responded:
"Jay, it's very easy to tell everyone to stop using two words, but until you empower them with ...."

Mark, I think you missed the point of my article. I explained that, regardless of our being tired of those ragged and shop-worn terms, they still convey concepts with which we must wrestle, and on which we must ultimately deliver.
I encourage you to read more closely, and to think before hitting "send" in your email program.

-- Jay

Bedtime for Buzzwords

2007-04-13T15:23:00.000-04:00

Please note: the date of this missive was February 23, 2007

In the argot of marketing, there are two words which must not be spoken!

Quick - name two words that we were all glad to see disappear from our marketing jargon lexicon. I would wager a cold Pepsi® product that most of you included at least one of these: synergy and convergence.
I must include myself in the list of those not missing those words, however, I must also say that we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are uniquely poised to deliver the benefits which were only hinted at by those two (happily!) now-defunct terms.
"How?" I hear many of you ask. "Like this," I answer.

Nearly every marketing pro this side of retirement has heard about web-isodes and mobi-sodes ad nauseum by now. Those, we are here to tell you, merely represent the opening salvo in a veritable tsunami of frenzied repurposing, to coin a metaphor.

What could possibly be the next wave in synergistic repurposed convergence? After webisodes and mobisodes, it's time for episodas. That's right - producers at all the major studios will soon be pouring full-motion, live action short features and series for distribution on full-motion capable, wi-fi-enabled beverage vending machines - and you all know where to go for the chance to sponsor these, now don't you?

In fact, some enterprising marketers (BMW comes to mind) have already been active in creating their own short films for release on the "internet" and via cellular telephone technology. This is merely the next logical stop on the evolutionary escalator of advertising and marketing messaging. While no longer physically addictive, there is no doubt that refreshing carbonated beverages (and even non-carbonated iced-teas!) can become habitual. Why not turn your customers' appointment drinking into appointment viewing at the same time?!

We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe that only the wisest and most forward thinking marketers will rush in here where sluggards fear to tread - you know in which camp you belong!

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about his Big Game experience:
Simone Larrabie responded:
"What makes you think we're interested in your whining about getting wet? I don't tell everyone about my wetness, and you probably shouldn't either. If you don't know enough to take an umbrella to ..."

Simone, I think you've hit the nail on the head, as it were.
Rest assured that I will no longer "complain" about the weather in this column, nor will I be caught without an umbrella and some rubbers!

- Jay

Big Football Game Memories

2007-04-13T14:36:00.000-04:00

Please note - the date of this missive was February 15, 2007

I'm not allowed to use the real name of the game, but you know what I mean!
You just knew something would have to go wrong, didn't you? After all, how could something as complicated as a random drawing of three marketing professionals for the chance at a ticket to the ~~SuperBowl~~ "Big Football Game" at the eleventh hour possibly go smoothly.
Well, in fact, our part here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC went off without a hitch - the three names were drawn, the entire newsletter list was notified, the winners were chosen, and that was that. Until the Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau was exposed as being a Convention and Visitors Bamboozler! Rain?! An open-air stadium?! Did no one think to warn the fans that they might want to bring rain-gear to the game?!
Let me just say that had we at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC been running the promotion of the game, there would have been some contingency plans made for inclement weather.
Still, apart from the disappointment felt by my guest at the defeat of "Da Bears" (but not one bit at the quality of the footlong which had been promised him!), I had a relatively enjoyable time (I was only treated to a bun-size wiener, as the footlong variety were seemingly in short supply). Our only real regret - Frank's and mine - was that they don't pipe the spectacular advertising (in all its High Definition glory!) onto the Jumbotron^TM in the stadium for those of us to whom the advertising is as important as the game.
Still, Franklin and I managed to stave off hunger with a Snickers® on the way back to the parking lot after the game, and we discussed the endless promotional possibilities of which we might avail ourselves (on behalf of our brands and/or clients) at the next such athletic event. That will be the subject of my next newsletter, but I didn't want too much time to go by without some kind of report on the game.
Oddly, we still have never heard from Mr. Caponigro regarding the ticket contest (perhaps he decided there was no point), so Pat and I had no choice but to consume his third prize award of a six-pack of Yoo-hoo® and a sleeve of GooGoo Clusters®. Better luck next time, Joe!

Excelsior!

Last time, Jay wrote about
the search for a reader to use Pat's ticket to the game in Miami and notified the winner:
Stephen P. Boulware responded:
"Man, Jay, I thought for sure I'd be the first to reply and get to go to Miami and all that, but thanks for the chili dogs ..."

Steve, I was pulling for you too, my friend. I had visions of us with our footlongs in the middle of that crowd. Of course, I was pulling for Frank and Joe as well -

Who's the Lucky Winner?

2007-04-13T14:32:00.000-04:00

Please note - the date of this missive was February 2, 2007!

A Few Days of Suspense Never Hurt Anyone!

As you know, my partner, Pat, is unable to attend the Super Bowl game with me, thus making available a single seat for this fabulous, one-shot World Series wannabe.
We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC announced (a scant three days ago) the three lucky marketers who had been randomly selected as finalists in the competition for this extravaganza, and now it's time for us to announce just who has won the ticket.
It may come as little surprise to most readers that the first response was received quite quickly. In fact, it arrived a mere thirty six hours after we had sent out our call to action!
The winner, in his e-mail reply, informed me of how anxious he was to see "Da Bears" stomp all over those "no-good, late-night sneaking Colts" in person. Still more gratifying to me, he also averred that he could hardly wait to "get that foot-long in his mouth" as mentioned in the contest announcement.
"Enough with the suspense," I hear you say. Indeed, I'm pleased to announce that my guest at Dolphin Stadium on Sunday will be Franklin J. Trowbridge, III of Amana of Camden.
Congratulations to Mr. Trowbridge, and condolences to Stephen P. Boulware, our second-place entrant. Steve will be receiving a package of Bun Length Ball Park® All-Beef Franks, a package of Wonder Bread® Hot Dog Buns, and a can of Hormel® Chili (No Beans!) so he can enjoy a "Chili Dog" while watching the game at home. As to Joseph Caponigro, we never heard from him - perhaps he's a Baseball-Only kind of guy?

Excelsior!

A Special Offer For You!

2007-04-13T14:29:00.000-04:00

Please note the date of this missive was January 30, 2007!

You May Have Already Won -
See Below

An unfortunate chain of events has led to the availability of my partner, Pat's, ticket to the Super Bowl this Sunday.
Under normal circumstances, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC would hold some kind of contest for our friends in the industry, leading to the use of said ticket. At this late date, however, that would be very difficult.
In lieu of said contest, we conducted a random spin of my Rolodex, choosing three potential winners. The first of these three lucky professionals to reply to this email will be joining me at Dolphin Stadium for a spectacular evening of foot-ball and foot-longs.
Before we proceed any further, let us apologize to those receiving this note whose names are not in the "Lucky Three" - we want you to know that we share your disappointment, but wanted you to know that you really did have a chance to attend the "Big Game" in Miami.
In order to avoid any problems, the winner, upon notification, will be met at our reserved parking space (in the "Tundra Preferred" section of the Dolphin Stadium parking system!), and then escorted to our seats in Section 115.
We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC regret that the winner will have to be responsible for getting to the game (and back home!), as we simply don't have time to arrange for a Luxury Executive Motorcoach, as would be our normal mode of operation.
Finally, the "Lucky Three" marketers are (in reverse alphabetical order!):

Franklin J. Trowbridge, III - Amana of Camden
Joseph Caponigro - WestWayne, Atlanta
Stephen P. Boulware - PetRx.com - Westlake Village, CA

Best of luck to each of you fellows - the clock starts now!

Excelsior!

The Big Game?

2007-04-13T14:25:00.000-04:00

More Like a One-Shot, World Series Wannabe, if you ask me!
You may have noticed the frenzy of football-ish tie-ins and marketing foo-faw all around the nation these days. Actually, you'd almost have to be dead to have missed it, I suppose.
At any rate, why are we letting the television networks tell us about what to be excited? Why are we ceding control of our remotes to the whims of advertisers from hither and yon?
It seems certain that we in the marketing biz have convinced your "average Joe" that this coming Sunday is all about some spectacular commercials, interspersed with large, sweaty men knocking one another down in front of a large audience.

"Bread and Circuses!" I hear someone cry.
"Lead Poisoning," is my considered reply.

That's right; I believe it's a lead-pipe cinch that this national glut of televised sales pitches and physical derring-do is little more than a sign of the downfall of civilization as we know it.
Why should we want all that football to interrupt our enjoyment of the commercials, when we could simply stop at the local beverage vending machine for a full-motion story - with no annoying interruptions?
Riddle me that, Batman, Riddle me that.

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about the #1 marketing trend for 2007:
Herb Stringfellow responded:
"It seems to me, Jay, that all you ever do is recycle that same, tired sales pitch about soda machines.
"Don't you have anything new to tell us?"

Thanks, Herb.
You may have caught on to one of the key secrets of good marketing and advertising: repetition!
That's right, if you want someone to remember what you've told them, you will most likely have to repeat it a few times.
Thanks for noticing.
Well done and Excelsior!
-- Jay

New Year's Resolutions?

2007-04-13T14:20:00.000-04:00

After a few months of trying to regain access to our blog, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC have finally been successful. We'll be posting our recent newsletters here - some in slightly edited form - as we catch back up with our normal blogging schedule. Excelsior!
Note that the date of this missive was January 11, 2007

More Like Old Year's Resolutions,
if you ask Me!

It's that time of year again, when we all try to improve ourselves by resolving to lose weight, or gain weight, or stop losing sleep (or hair!). It's also that time of year when we realize that we've got about zero chance of any of that stuff really happening.
That's why we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC tend not to dwell on issues of personal appearance (nor even hygiene, from the looks of an associate or two! - just kidding, Herb!). After all, the time spent worrying about which notch to use in our belts is time not spent creating stunning marketing opportunities for our clients!

Still, it seems almost obligatory to come up with a list of the top ten new marketing activities, or the top ten companies poised for greatness, or whatever.
However, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC tend not to follow trends, but rather to create them - to blaze trails, boldly to go where no marketer has gone before! (Has that split infinitive bothered anyone else all these years? Ye gods, Gene Roddenberry must have been grammatically challenged.)
Accordingly, Jay Standish, Inc. LLC predicts that the number one marketing trend and opportunity for 2007 will be full-motion capable, Wi-Fi-enabled, beverage vending machines, equipped with CoollMisst^TM technology.
How many marketers can afford to ignore the opportunity to not only quench a potential customer's thirst, but also to cool him (or her!) with a blast of cooling mist, while he (or she!) is entertained by a full-motion video of the marketer's product in use? How many? We here at Jay Standish. Inc. LLC would say there are none who can afford that. Ignorance, in this case,
is far from bliss - it's more like lost sales!

Excelsior!

Last week, Jay wrote about finding a balance between work and home:
Bob Barden responded:
"I think I see what you mean, but you're so full of it when it comes to figuring how to decide between business meetings and social events.
If I went to every one of my kids' soccer games, I'd ..."

Thanks, Bob, but we're really not that interested in your parental angst - this is a marketing newsletter, not a parenting support group.

Stan Lee is my superhero

2006-08-29T01:08:00.000-04:00

I hope you've all been watching the fabulous SciFi program, "Who Wants to be a Superhero?" these past few weeks. The pure human drama (and pure humanity!) of the whole series has been heartwarming, to say the least.
I have to admit to a large lump in my throat, and an allergy attack in my eyes, when Major Victory was called back to talk with his daughter on the phone after his elimination. Yes, I'm not afraid to admit it.
At any rate, no doubt those of you who've been true believers in this series, right along with Pat and me, will have noticed a "strange" similarity between Stan's signature line and my own. That "similarity" is technically known as identity. As I've mentioned to some of my colleagues in the marketing business, I do have permission from Stan himself to use that famous catch-phrase, and I do so with pride and humility (not an easy task, let me tell you!).
Still, let's all make certain to tune in on Thursday to see Feedback crowned the next Dark Horse Superhero.

Excelsior!

We're Having a Heat Wave, a Tropical Heat Wave

2006-07-21T12:58:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well. Aren't we all uncomfortable all across this great land of ours?

We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are perspiring as much as the next person, but we always try to wring every last drop of inspiration out of each and every experience and situation.

I may regret this, but I'm going to reveal our next upgrade to our fabulous, full-motion-video-capable soft drink vending machines: a full-sponsorable cool misting device.

Imagine this: you're standing at the vending machine, watching a quick video while your soda is being blast chilled for your drinking pleasure. As the 300th drop of perspiration readies itself to drop from the tip of your nose to the toe of your flip-flops - mirabile dictu! - out from the front of the machine comes a super-fine mist of the purest water, its height computer controlled based on the beverage you have selected, puffs out, reducing the ambient temperature by a full 9 degrees Farenheit (that's nearly 5 degrees Celsius, for our metric friends!)!

"Wow!" I hear you say. Wow indeed. Wow indeed.

Excelsior!

This just gives me Gas - but in a good way

2006-06-29T15:10:00.000-04:00

Indeed, it's been quite a while since I've had a chance to blog away, but a recent article caught my eye, and I just had to chime in.
The article from MediaPost says, in part:

THE NETWORK AND CABLE TV "upfronts" may have been sluggish this year, but place-based TV executives say they're enjoying a surge of interest from ad buyers--and the medium's recent growth, including the launch of Gas Station TV on June 5th, and a new network in New York's Duane Reade pharmacies scheduled to go live in Fall 2006, suggests that place-based is here to stay.
Indeed, "advertisers are excited by the opportunity to touch consumers at times when they've traditionally been very hard to reach," confirmed Jeff Minsky, director of emerging media platforms for OMD Digital. Unlike regular TV, place-based installations allow advertisers to reach people as they are coming or going from work, or in retail establishments--all ideal times for ad messaging.

That's right - even the biggest of the big Media agencies are beginning to catch up with us here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC! Imagine, place-based TV - who'd have thought of such a thing? Oh wait - we did! Nor does Jay Standish, Inc. LLC limit our clients to pre-established "networks" of places, such as filling stations or pharmacies. No indeed. With our concept, the places can be chosen one-by-one or in groups or categories: anywhere people want to buy a tasty beverage, your full motion (and full audio!) message can be seen (and heard!) by your top, thirsty prospects.

Imagine, if you will, a bunch of friends returning from a successful fishing trip, stowing their gear at the dock, and getting ready to return home in their same old cars and trucks. Having packed all their "sodas" and "pops" in the coolers, they will most likely stop at the Pepsi (or Coke!) machine to purchase a drink for the ride home. Suppose you were marketing a new vehicle with a special feature, say one of those new chilled storage compartments, and these fishermen (or women!) see your spot as they're lugging those massive coolers back to their vehicles. Who's to say how many of them might be tempted to stop by the dealership on the way home to see whether that championship-quality bass (or muskie!) would fit in said compartment? Who indeed?

Rather than speculate, we here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC challenge any and every marketing maverick to give us a try! Just see how many of those $0.10 (on average!) pre-paid deposits on carbonated refreshment turn into purchases (or leases!) of new vehicles. We triple dog dare you (if you'll pardon the slight breach of daring etiquette).

Excelsior!

Another "Aha!" Moment for Marketers!

2006-05-04T14:38:00.000-04:00

Well, well, well. It's always gratifying to find that others (are at least beginning to) agree with one, isn't it? It's even more gratifying to find that an entire industry agrees with one, and it's in that sort of "cat bird seat," as it were, that I find myself.

A recent article in the marketing trade press mentioned that outdoor or out-of-home advertising is the fastest growing medium apart from the internet. Industry experts noted that it's not just painted bulletins out there any more. In fact, the part of the industry driving this growth is the LED displays such as those found in Times Square.

An ad agency bigwig noted that it's "not just regular 30-sheets. You can just look in Times Square--people are really starting to get into LED displays, and it's driven by the desire to create something that's truly impactful." Apparently outdoor companies are selling out these boards faster than they can build them.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? It certainly should, if you've been following this blog. It is just this amazing transformation of what was into what ought to be that drives us at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC. It's that drive that created the full-motion-capable displays on beverage vending machines. It's that drive that has kept us ahead of an entire industry which seems, only now, to be waking from a 14x40 bed and smelling the coffee - or other, possibly ice-cold!, beverage of its choice.

Full motion in an outdoor board - with audio as well - it's an idea whose time has come, and we're where marketers will come to get it.

Excelsior!

At Last - A Reality Show for Me!

2006-04-28T11:06:00.000-04:00

Perhaps you've noticed my sign-off in these blog entries (and in all my missives, for that matter!) and wondered where I got it. Well, among my heroes I count as one of the greatest the spectacular Stan Lee. It is precisely from him that I adopted my now nearly ubiquitous "catch phrase" of Excelsior!

Well, the folks at the SciFi channel are apparently taking time out from screwing up their programming with ghost hunters and mediums and other vaguely fantasy-related drek. For what are they pausing the destruction of a once-mighty brand? Why, to create a reality show where Stan Lee will judge among various creators of super-heroes, that's what!

In fact, Mr Lee (remember that song from the bubble-gum era?) will not only choose the winner, but will participate in the prizes by creating a comic book featuring the winning super-hero! In addition, there will be a made-for-TV movie featuring the character to be shown on the SciFi channel. I may have to continue my too-frequent absence from this endeavour in order to "flesh out" my own entry.

I'd say more, but one can't be too careful these days!

Excelsior!

They're beginning to get it!

2006-03-27T17:13:00.000-05:00

Well well well. It's certainly not the way I would have expected it, but it appears that flattery is to be ours, here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC! That's right, imitation - being the "sincerest" form of flattery - is what I mean, and CBS is who is doing it.

Even as you read, in a supermarket near you, there may be large "screens" installed (or being installed!) which will allow the shoppers to view specially designed CBS programming - or "content" as we are coming to call it these days.
Why, you ask, do we at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC consider this flattery? Simple - they are moving their marketing messages into a position where there are viewers who are already in the buying mood and mode! It's the same concept we have been promoting with such vigor to all who will hear us - especially those in the automotive industry - with our full-motion capable beverage vending machines.

We hate to say we told you so, but we, in fact, did tell you so.

Now, if we can just get an order form for something beyond unpaid market research ....
Excelsior!

I'll Just Google It ... Yahoo!

2006-03-21T16:35:00.000-05:00

Yes indeed, the vagaries of fame and function along the information superhighway (or so its inventor was wont to call it) seem to ebb and flow with frightening irregularity. It was only a few years ago that the Yahoo! cowboy! was suing for more residuals! because he could yodel!, yep, yodel real good! Now, it's increasingly infrequently that the compulsory ! is included with the word Yahoo, and Google has become a verb. I think it would make R. Buckminster (Bucky) Fuller proud, but I think it makes the rest of us uneasy.

Google, the company which pledges to "do no evil" is busy planning to store, index, and cross-multiply your (and my!) personal data - all in the cause of making the all world's information available to all the world all the time (except portions of that information deemed too "true" or "dangerous" in certain countries, of course).

Still, Google does have a huge advantage over Yahoo! in my book - they are all about the business of context, while Yahoo! is all about the business of lists. A shopping list is all well and good, assuming I'm headed to the market, but if I want the answer to a question, I'd prefer information related to my query.

Ah, context, and its close relative: environment. It seems we always come back, in these screeds, to that conceit of ours: your message is always better delivered in an environment where the consumer either expects it or requests it. It's all well and good trying to force cod-liver oil down my throat, but I'm likely to choke if you do it in my sleep. (No, really, Pat, it's not a good idea!) If, however, I realize that I need a good dose, I'm more than happy to swallow - just please, when I'm expecting - even better, when I'm craving it!

So, how do Google, Yahoo!, cod-liver oil, and shopping lists come together? It's quite simple, really. If you want to deliver a message to a consumer about the benefits of purchasing your product, why not deliver that message when said consumer is already in buying mode?! That's right, full-motion capable beverage vending machines are the Google to a television program's Yahoo! Oh, it's plenty of fun to watch the Super Bowl for the commercials, but when the dramatic tension between, say, Will and Grace, or Patrick and Sponge Bob is quashed with a commercial for medication or cereal, there is no positive rub-off. When, however, a blast-chilled, sanitized-for-your-protection tasty beverage is dispensed with an invitation to drive away in a new Previa (or is it an Odyssey!), the purchaser is bound to stand up and take notice.

So, I say it's time to Google your customers' thirst, so you won't have to hear your competition yelling Yahoo! as they convert your customers to their products. It's truly that simple.

Excelsior!

I think we're all Bezos on this bus

2006-03-15T13:00:00.000-05:00

And no, I don't mean that hulk of a man, Jerome Bettis when I say bus.

I recently came across an old quote from the Amazon guy, Jeff Bezos. He said that "anything worth doing is worth doing badly," or words to that effect. I suppose the idea is that one is better off getting started and going back to fix things than to wait until everything is in order and then finding out that someone else has beaten one to the proverbial punch.
In the heady days of the dot com false alarm, that must have seemed like awfully good advice. In fact, given the situation, what with Amazon boxes featured in nearly every trash pickup across these United States, it may well have been exactly what it seemed. However, now that irrational exuberance has been nipped in the bud, and the closest thing to it we see on the horizon is Web 2.0, it seems that it might be time for one to actually do something well!

As everyone seems to know, in order to do well on an internet search, one's paid search text ad should be fewer than 15 words, but more than 13 words. That works out to about 14 words of plain text to get across a "unique selling proposition" or "unique product benefit" on a page awash with text and "graphic" elements. Sounds difficult to me.
Get my message across in fourteen words? How about fourteen scenes? That's right, in a full-motion, full-audio mini-theatrical presentation of fourteen scenes (lasting approximately 30 to 32 seconds) an enterprising marketer can certainly reveal the wonders of his (or her!) brand to the interested viewer.

Imagine, as you no doubt already are, the benefits of sight, sound, and motion all on the screen of a full-motion capable beverage vending machine. A customer walks up - to make a purchase! - deposits cash - to make a purchase! - and receives his (or her!) beverage. But wait - where do the fourteen scenes come in? Right here, gentle reader, right here.
By way of engaging the customer(!), the advertiser offers to pay the deposit on the beverage container (ranging from $.05 right on up, depending on locale!) in exchange for the viewing of the mini-theatrical presentation (actually, a form of a commercial!). While the film rolls, the customer is assured that his (or her!) beverage is being cleaned, sanitized, and blast-chilled for his (or her!) added enjoyment.
That's right - we offer to pay the deposit on the beverage container in exchange for viewing a commercial. Just imagine if all marketing transactions were so transparent; consumers would no longer balk at commercial messages, as they would understand that the media (and beverage containers!) they enjoy so much are being under-written by the providers of commercials.
We at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe that this new open-ness will lead to a virtual perestroika of purchases, yea, a veritable glasnost of gelt, from which the noble American Consumer will never willingly depart.

Excelsior!

The Next Big Thing

2006-03-13T17:31:00.000-05:00

Well, perhaps I'm "giving away the store" in this post, and perhaps I'm not. We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC are not ones to toss away opportunities for billed consultation, but this is such a "mega-trend" that it probably is better served here than in a more formal "report" or other document.

You've probably seen the news reports that - for the first time in recorded history! - the sales of carbonated soft drinks (i.e. "soda" or "pop") actually declined in the US this past year. Why is this? Most likely a combination of the aging of the population (did you know that the leading edge of the Baby Boom generation is entering its 60's? That's right, the 60's generation is in the 60's again!), and the health conscious dietary habits of the youth of America. What with bottled water and all, it's like pulling teeth to get these tykes to drink a sweetened, carbonated beverage (oh dear, no pun intended there!).

So what are we to make of this? We here at Jay Standish, Inc. LLC believe it's time for more and more marketers to take advantage of our unique selling venue - the full-motion-video-capable beverage dispensing machine. That's right, a savvy marketer could find his (or her!) commercial playing on the front of a Pepsi (or other soft drink) machine in nearly no time at all.

What with the decline in sales, this means the soft drink is becoming more of a considered purchase, rather than simply the impulse, knee-jerk kind of habit it had been in its hey-day. With a considered purchase comes consideration. This means that the purchaser is doing two very important things:

Considering a purchase - i.e. actually "thinking" and,
Making a purchase - i.e. actually "buying,"

What better time to catch a consumer with a marketing message than when he (or she!) is in the midst of thinking and buying - the two things all modern marketing is designed to elicit. I'll grant that many marketers prefer that their consumers refrain from the "thinking" part of this equation, but we don't handle cigarette machines, only soft drink dispensers.

Still, imagine, if you will, your consumer - for example, a Man (or Woman!) aged 25-54 with a household income of $60,000 (or more!), pumping gas into his (or her!) current vehicle. As the tank fills, and the bill mounts, what better time to catch his (or her!) eye with that full-motion video of a new, fuel-efficient, possibly even hybrid, automobile? The simple answer is, there is no better time, and in this case, the simple answer is the correct answer.

But this brings us to the question of where one can find such machines. Ah, where indeed? Let's leave that conversation for a later post, or even a personal sales call, shall we? We shall indeed!

Excelsior!

Can't get it out of my head!

2006-03-10T15:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm sure it can't be just me, but I am completely unable to get my mind off the image of SNL's Jimmy Fallon dancing on a taxi cab with the delicious Miss Parker Posey.

There, I said it - she is simply delicious! I can't say with absolute certainty, as I'm not certain that the opportunity would ever present itself, but I think she could turn a gay man straight, at least for a while. (Ah, would that I could have been there to catch her when the foolish Mr Fallon tossed her away!)

I know not everyone is as enamored of the advertising and marketing game as I am (after all, that's where I earn my wages, as it were!), but I find myself inventing commercials for various products, just as vehicles for the delicious (there, I said it again!) Miss Posey's considerable thespian abilities. I had made a suggestion to an agency friend, complete with story line and some basic direction, but there was no interest, apparently. Alas, the auto industry seems not to be as forward-thinking as the beverage industry.
Go, Pepsi!

Well, I think that suffices for now. Watch for the video of the commercial - you can find it on Youtube.com as well as at ParkerPosey.org - you won't regret the view.

Excelsior!